Taking some major steps

[Bunnyme]

Today was an emotional rollercoaster.  UNBPDH called, and since he knew that I knew why he was in rehab, the hoovering began.  Mostly he still told lie after lie after lie still, but the lies had the "I'm so sorry" line thrown in every now and then. 

I put in an offer on a house.  I'm sick about it...worrying about finances and not knowing if I even really want it.  There just isnt anything on the market right now and I have to go with what works rather than waiting for what I want.  There are also already multiple offers on it...after only being on the market 24 hours...so my chances are slim anyway.

I also had an email a few minutes after I signed all of the offer documents with a draft of the papers I may be filing for legal separation.  (I have to wait a year before I can file for divorce.  The courts are so backed up that the plan is to amend this to a full divorce once the year mark passes, but this way, I "get in line."  Just seeing "plaintiff" and all of the legalese makes it all very real. 
I feel like my head is spinning.    
it is all too much to deal with at once.  However, I feel like I was better able to handle my PDs awfulness because I'm taking control of the situation instead of just always reacting to him.  This may not be my dream house, but anything is better than renting from my in laws

[Stillirise]

Wow! Yes, bold moves, indeed!  That feeling of fully realizing  you are stepping onto your own path can be a bit overwhelming, at first.  You will become more sure of your decisions the further along you go.  Sometimes just taking a step, even if it isn't the perfect one, is what we have to do to eventually get off the rollercoaster! 

I remember suffering from severe "analysis paralysis" before I filed for divorce.  I still feel like I'm just treading water some days, or that I'm putting off my next move, by overthinking it.  However, when I consider how far each small step has brought me already, I'm so thankful.   

I hope your offer is accepted. If not, maybe it means something even better will be listed next week! Also, it's smart to get your place in line. I filed for divorce in April.  It will be sometime next year, even if we reach a settlement today, before courts open and get caught up again here.  Best wishes to you!

[Boat Babe]

Don't wait for your dream house. (I'm still waiting for mine!) Get out and get in with your life. Your kids will thank you ❤️

[Bunnyme]

I'm in a full blown panic.  I keep thinking that I hope my realtor calls and says that I didnt get it.  There are some things I like about it, but I feel like I'm making a decision out of fear of not finding a place, and I will end up hating it.  I may withdraw my offer in the morning.  Big thing is it only being 1.5 baths.  There is one coming on the market after the first of the year.  I know it has a master bath, too, and I want that.  I've been emailing with the guy who plans to sell.  But, I dont know what he plans to list for, dont know whether I'd even get it, dont know if covid will shut everything down and maybe he wont even move.  Full.  Blown.  Panic.  Like checking my blood pressure because I feel like I'm dying panic attack, but I know better.   I just hate that this is what my life has come to.  Moving is stressful enough when you want to buy a new house.  I love my house now, but staying is not an option.  I hate him for putting me in this position.  The stress of everything is just consuming me.  Sorry.  I just needed to vent. 

[Bunnyme]

Just to update, I decided it was just cold feet.  It is hard to make decisions under this pressure.  I left the offer in...and didnt get it.  Now I'm actually sad. 

[hhaw]

Humans don't handle unknowns well.  I'm sorry you're suffering.  Remember to breathe.

  You have housing for the holidays.  Maybe you're meant to have that master bath after all.

Perhaps you and the seller you're in touch with can skip the realtor fees and come out of this super happy.  It could happen.