Hurting

[Fightsong]

Hi guys, it's me Fightsong.  Longtime no see huh? I was due to see M after 2 years plus.  We aren't  fully NC but VVLC.  Anyways I'd got myself prepared and was feeling robust, armoured. Then the pandemic meant we couldn't go.  So much guilt. And so much relief. I was waiting for it all to ebb away. 

Now there's a text message every day this week. And I'm hurting. Hurting from anticipation of going, hurting from the guilt, hurting from these reminders of the pain, and now hurting from knowing what I need to do is ignore until she stops again. I am so  grateful I am able to recognise this in action and keep its  toxicity as limited as I am able.  But I needed to bring this pain somewhere to be seen. 

[notrightinthehead]

So sorry Fightsong! Sending you a big hug.  Maybe this pain will reveal your needs and wishes for you. 

[SunnyMeadow]

Hi fightsong,

I'm sorry you're hurting, I understand your pain. It's just so sad that we have this trauma due to our parents who should be only good and kind to us.