And now, Act 3, “Mr. Nice Guy”

[Stillirise]

In the story of trying to divorce my stbxUPDH, we have watched his alternating scenes of Acts 1 & 2 "Raging, Angry Bully," and "Sad, Anxious Victim."  I think this current Act might be the most unsettling, yet.

For some reason, a couple of weeks ago, this totally different person emerged.  The most flabbergasting thing so far, was today I received a payment for something that should be split evenly. I told him about it, and offered to split it, or apply to an upcoming bill we still share.   He told me to keep it, since he knows it's going to be tighter than usual for me this year at Christmas.  He also paid 2 of our joint bills last week, without complaint. 

Money is the one thing that makes him feel powerful, and the one thing (not the kids) he's been truly concerned about in settling.  His sudden burst of generosity makes me feel like there's something sneaky going on behind my back, or something he feels guilty about.  Stay tuned, my friends.....

[notrightinthehead]

Could also be a hoovering attempt. Enjoy it while it lasts. Did you not want some diamond earrings? You could mention that to him.

[GettingOOTF]

I used my exes feelings about money and power to get him to agree to no alimony and no share of my 401k. I walked away with everything in the divorce. He was so anxious to prove he was the “bigger” person.

Who knows why they do the things they do. I used my ex being distracted by his new GF who he was trying very hard to win over to push through the divorce. I’m grateful every day he found her.

In divorcing a PD you have to use what you can to get out.

[Joga]

Could also be a hoovering attempt. Enjoy it while it lasts. Did you not want some diamond earrings? You could mention that to him.

notright, thanks for the laugh!

Stillirise, I would be wary as well if this is completely out of character. But you said money makes him feel powerful, so could it be that paying for your expenses somehow makes him feel powerful? My pdH uses money as a power tool by being overly generous.

[Stillirise]

Could also be a hoovering attempt. Enjoy it while it lasts. Did you not want some diamond earrings? You could mention that to him.

Thanks for the laugh!

My gut says he's come into some money through the family business, and is feeling "generous," in that special PD way.  It may also be nothing more than an attempt to make him look good, and keep me off balance.  Anything he pays for now, I will very likely hear about later.  He has his own method of balancing the scales, and it typically seems to leave me on the lighter side. 

I'll ride it out for now, and let you all know when he comes calling for his balance due. 

[capybara]

My uPDmom is very generous and gift-giving. I do think a lot of it is about looking good and being powerful. It's also a nice segue into being the victim, when people don't appreciate everything she does for them.

[Bunnyme]

I used my exes feelings about money and power to get him to agree to no alimony and no share of my 401k. I walked away with everything in the divorce. He was so anxious to prove he was the "bigger"

This is exactly what I need to do.  He always acts like he has money he doesnt have.  Going to try to use that. 
I am also familiar with the mr nice guy routine.  The cycle you describe is so typical, and good for you recognizing it.
I used to get hoovered into thinking maybe he changed.  Wont I be the bad guy if I leave if he really has changed?  Been through the cycle enough to not care anymore.  If he really is awesome now, great.  Be awesome away from me. 

[Stillirise]

And, now we know the reason for the nice guy act.  He needs me to sign something, so he can move forward on acquiring an asset, but have it excluded from marital property.  I told him I'd be happy to, as soon as he replied to my last settlement offer, from a couple months ago.  That small instance of not doing what he wants, and when, set him sideways again.  The one hilarious note—during his come-apart, via email, he bizarrely gave me permission to date! Thanks?!?! 

[Bunnyme]

Ugh.  Their patterns are so predictable, arent they?  I'm sorry that you have to deal with this.  Their antics would almost be laughable sometimes, if it werent for all of the hurt they are causing.