Tough day. Need a hug.

[Associate of Daniel]

Today was ds's 14th birthday.

It was the first of his birthdays when I've not been with him as he woke up.  He moved in with his uNPD dad and uNPD smother at the start of this year. So he woke up with them today. (Actually, just with the latter, as his father was apparently at work.)

I saw ds for the court ordered 2 hours this evening.

It didn't start well. He made a derogatory comment about something at my place.  The comment was straight out of the mouths of his uNPD father and uNPD smother.

He was snippy for a while but thankfully did change into my usual beautiful boy.

We ended up having a nice time together but it hurt like billyo to have to return him after 2 hours and drive home to my empty house.

I later mentioned to someone on the phone how hard the day had been. Their response was, "You'll get over it."

Thanks.  I expect I will.  But a bit of sympathy and understanding would have been nice.

I could do with a loving, sympathetic partner right now.

But in the meantime I'll take all the virtual hugs I can get from you guys.

Thanks for listening.

AOD

[blunk]

I'm so sorry you're going through this AoD.



It must be very difficult to see the influence that PDXH and SM have on your DS. But it's also good that you were able to see the change in him after only a short time out of that environment. I know that I, as an adult, was pretty snippy when living with a PD...I can only imagine that a child is less equipped to know how to handle the emotional chaos that surrounds PDs. You can continue to be that calming influence in his life. More hugs to you.

[SparkStillLit]

  Oh my word. The fact that he changed back into beautiful boy in a short time shows what a good influence you are, and that he feels safe with you. He's probably all armored up and wound up dealing with PD all the time, and being a teen on top of it. They aren't that well equipped at the best of times. I mean, just their own crap, you know?
You keep on, you're doing well. He knows you love him. REALLY, unconditionally love him.
Love to you, momma. So much love.

[Hepatica]

Having barely made it thru the teen years with my son, esp. at that age, I really feel for you. Teens have a very very high level of tunnel vision and I agree with Sparks, that him changing back is special and meaningful and I'm glad you got that. As for the person who said, you'll get over it, well... how easy for them to say while you're in the thick of it.  That's a horribly insensitive remark. What you need is a good friend and cup of tea and some thoughtful loving time spent "getting over it." You are going through so much.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. You have every right to the grief and loss you feel right now. You do deserve some sympathy and understanding. Are there any support groups online because this is a lot to carry. Of course sharing it here is wonderful as well, but perhaps sharing with anyone going thru similar might make you feel more supported and less alone.

Big 

[Boat Babe]

Hi there and here's a big hug. This must be so damn hard for you. Hang on in there as kids are not stupid and they see what's happening. He knows you're the good parent. ❤️

[Andeza]

  Much love to you! This sounds so dang tough. I can't imagine only seeing my kid for two hours in the day.

[Associate of Daniel]

Thank-you, everyone.

It was lovely to wake up this morning to all of your supportive messages and hugs.

I have my boy with me now until Sunday, so I'm feeling so much better.  And my parents are here for a few days as well.

Ds's birthday next year falls on a Friday (I think) so the next 3 of his birthdays he'll be living with me (cos they're on the weekend) and his uNPD father will have the 2 hour visit.

That's unless ds decides somewhere in there that he wants to start living with me again!

I don't know of any online support groups but I do have a friend who went through very similar.  We're catching up in the next week or so.

Thanks again.

AOD

[Free2Bme]

AOD,
Hoping you are soaking up the time with DS this weekend, and that he is able to decompress and not think about F and SM.  I remember this sort of thing with my DS when he was turning 15 (3 years ago).  It was excruciating, and I felt that I had to keep on my brave face for DS and everyone else.  (The last thing DS needed was his mom going to pieces during the 2 hour visit.)  It feels so unfair because we know that PD's don't really value time with children in a normal way.  It's more about playing the game and taking time from the non-pd parent.

When my DS was turning 16, updxh planned his 'party' during the 2 hours I was scheduled to have him, and updxh would not be flexible with the time.  Of course with friends coming over I would have been pulling DS away from party.  So, I ended up telling DS15 that I wasn't feeling well and 'could we please do it another time".  This way, he didn't have to choose, or face his dad about the matter.  I cried that day. 

Take courage, DS will know you as the parent who really valued time with him.  He see's more that you probably realize.

[1footouttadefog]

I feeling your pain.  I hope you dont get over it, but instead continue to be a mother to your child amd feel the good and bad emotions that go with it.

You've got this mom!  A new normal will eventually be achieved and you will have a new relationship with your son with the new logistics and parameters worked in to it. 

Take care and keep caring.  I hope your social network expands to include people who can be a bit warmer towards you. 

[sevenyears]