Do you call your PD “Mom” or “Dad”?

[Sidney37]

My husband and I were talking about this recently and it surprised me.   I stopped calling my PDm and enD anything probably in high school or college.   It's been 20 years or more.  I refer to them as "my mother" or "my father" when talking to someone else about them, but don't call them anything to their faces.  Not mom and dad, not their first names, nothing. 

I'm NC now, but if I called and my father answered I'd ask "is my mother there"?  I would never say "is mom there?' or call her mom when talking to her.  No "hi mom" on the phone or "hey mom, could you come to the kitchen?"   I would for example, if my kids were around when they were little say "hey grandpa, could you help" my child "with this puzzle?"  It worked if I felt like I was speaking as and for a young child.  But coming from me, I called them nothing.  Everyone else in my family has a name and I use it.  Aunt X, Uncle Y, Grandma Z.  It was their name and I called them that. 

Did you stop calling your parents anything at some point?   This must be part of the CPSD but I never noticed before.

[Mintstripes]

Yup, I started feeling uncomfortable calling them Mom and Dad early on. This is a really good point. I've been NC for years now and when I talk about them with friends who know about the situation, I use their first names. It works.

Also, with former unPDmil, she expected me to call her "Mom" after the wedding, which I never felt comfortable with or had any intention of doing. At the time, I just knew that calling her by her first name was going to create a whole "thing", so I called her nothing.

I saw her once after the divorce, like a year later when she came along with UnPDxh (apple doesn't fall very far lol) to drop off DD. She starts hugging me, "MintStripes! How are you sweeeetie???"

It was glorious when I responded "Hi CAROL!!! How are you?"

She was visibly annoyed.

[Sidney37]

Thanks Mintstripes.  I worked in college at the same place as my mother did.  I started calling her by her first name then.  She didn't like it one bit, but everyone else called her by her first name, so I decided I would, too.  What could she say at work in front of others?  Not much.  Everything she says and does is in private so only family can experience it. 

My Mil who has OCPD tendencies wanted me to call her mom, too.  I can't call anyone mom. It makes me uncomfortable.  I call her by her first name.  She's complained for years that I'm the only Dil or SIL who doesn't call her mom.  I just can't bring myself to do it.

[Call Me Cordelia]

My uNM said to my DH when we were engaged, "I hope someday you'll feel close enough to call me Mom."  I thought then that it would never happen, and it didn't, but ewww. Talk about covert. Putting an expectation on the relationship, and then leaving it completely up to DH to please her. It never came up again, but she would say stuff like, "Well I know DH doesn't really like me," without a clear reason. Now it was a self-fulfilling prophecy. ;-) uPD bingo, anyone?

Is it even normal to call one's MIL Mom? I don't know it feels sort of usurping or poor boundaries to me. I mean most people getting married already have a mom.

I did call them Mom and Dad, but mostly not use direct address I think. But after no contact I do not refer to them much at all in conversation except on here, and when I do, it's not, "Mom said blah blah," it's "my mother" or "my dad" with a lowercase letter. "Mom and Dad" is by nature affectionate so it's not fitting. I don't think I could go for "Joanie and Steve" because I do have a parent/child history with these people and that's the reality of things. If it weren't for that relationship they would never have to cross my mind at all. Because I wouldn't exist. Let's just call it my way of honoring the fourth commandment. (?)   

[Andeza]

I do. I do call my uBPDm mom, but... eh, the situation is a little more complicated and I've always hated the formality of the word mother. When I was younger I called her mama, but that transitioned at some point. I haven't the slightest idea when.

Even I don't capitalize, despite being an English major in college and knowing full well the rules around it. But that's my choice. It doesn't feel right to do it.