Sense of humor

[Prototypian]

I'm a sarcastic person and I make jokes a lot.   I'm never inappropriate however sometimes I'll admit that I find things funny that others do not.   

My spouse considers that almost nothing is a laughing matter.   I once read in a Dave Barry book about people he calls "humor impaired" who contact his editors either offended or upset that he has gotten facts incorrect in columns about boogers or dog flatulence. 

After being married to an OCPD individuals for so long I have to say I think that a lot of people who get offended by humor that is not really offensive could be PD's.   I mentioned today that Amber Heard could be rearranged to spell "Beard Harem" which I thought was kinda funny and she lost it.   Something about the justice system and why people have to crack jokes about serious things.    I wonder if her mom or dad thought about that when they were naming her.   But that's beside the point.

My spouse gets angry about most of those kind of jokes.   And sometimes the situation is so hysterical it's just begging for a one liner.   At a recent concert I made a comment about how old the crowd was and why most of us actually sit down every third song because its past our bedtime.  She was worried someone would take offense except we were in the section of wealthy middle aged people who buy VIP tickets and have Admirals club memberships.   We should be made fun of!

Anyway, I think it's a way to control things around her since humor depends on the unexpected and non rational.

[SonofThunder]

I love this post Jsinjin. 

I love the fact that even though your life is heavily weighed down by your OCPDw, you are able to rise above and analyze down into the relationship.  You are also willing and able to use humor as a way to find some joy and even insert a foot into the cracked-door of your wife's OCPD and toss in some very creative, humorous observations about life and situations.  You probably know she's going to kick your foot out and slam her mind's door shut on the humor and go all OCPD on you, but you do it anyway, for YOU.  Love it.

The 'third song' one-liner with the VIP/Admirals Club analysis is an observation that deserves its place in a stand-up comedy routine.  Love it!  Keep finding the cracks to insert some humor into your life Jsinjin.  I respect you! 

SoT

[Stillirise]

I totally agree with you, Jsinjin.  My updxh often doesn’t get subtle humor, wit, or sarcasm.  Once you have to stop and spell it out to him, it really puts a damper on the fun.  The big difference here, is he also thinks he is funny at times, but is actually being rude, or downright offensive. Especially in his attitude and “jokes” toward women. I’m not the only one who has noticed each of these behaviors, so I don’t feel like I’m the one being overly sensitive here.

I’m glad you’re still able to inject your humor, even if it isn’t appreciated.  I suppressed my funny bone for so long, that it’s only been in the last year that I feel like it has started growing back.  It’s been nice to remember how to be funny, and to laugh at ridiculous things again.

Edited to add, recently my DS13 commented on how funny I am now.  I told him I’ve always been that funny inside my head, but felt more free to express it now.  He completely understood why, and it was nice that someone noticed.

[Cat of the Canals]

My BPD/NPD mother has a sense of humor, but it is 100% dependent on her mood. If she's in a good mood, she has a (mostly) delightful sense of humor. If she is in Witch mode, then nothing on God's green earth will make her laugh, and anyone being silly or joking around will get one of those looks Medusa used to turn people into stone.

[SeaBreeze]

uNPDh shares racist, sexist, or homophobic memes with me and then doesn't understand why I am NOT amused and find his "humor" offensive. I, myself, have a dark and sarcastic sense of humor, but H crosses the line beyond gallows humor and is just a bigot. Yet I tell him an actual joke or use a witty pun, and he'll logically analyze why it's not funny. My elderly father likes to text links to online comic strips, and recently confided to me that he stopped texting them to my H because H texts back "his logical Mr. Spock Vulcan analysis" as my dad hilariously (and accurately) described it. Yet this same "Mr. Spock" laughs at disgusting memes (like one that shows George Floyd, as he was dying), or that puts down women (hello, I'm female??) and then doesn't understand why it angers me?? (Or that I JADE or ignore, as I'm trying to do. And yes, I've verbally stated boundaries that he ignores. But it's hard for me to ignore or politely brush off humor rooted in hate.)

[square]

I've found three general types of humor.

1) A sense of homor. It varies widely and includes folks with not much humor but it's normal.

2) "Humor" as domination. I think this is an ASPD and NPD characteristic - what is funny to them is not clever wordplay or the like, but the domination of a person or group. It's not actually humor but glee, the feeling of superiority, of owning or humiliating someone. They think it's humor because it makes them laugh.

3) Total lack of humor including false humor. I think there are a lot of subgroups here, including possibly some neurodivergent people, but could also include some OCPD people. For the latter, perhaps they feel a loss of control with humor, and certainly humor requires being able to see something in multiple ways which may trigger further rigidity.

Idk, just some thoughts.

[moglow]

Jsinjin, my mother is similar - unless she decides something is funny, it just isn't. Pretty much everything is a personal affront unless/until she decides otherwise. Her idea of humor is anything to belittle or poke fun at others. It's mean spirited and hurtful, and she seems to delight in it. She gets all up in arms if others don't laugh or if they say outright now not funny that was. She'll keep repeating it, and if you make any objection then you become the butt of her "joke".

[Prototypian]

3) Total lack of humor including false humor. I think there are a lot of subgroups here, including possibly some neurodivergent people, but could also include some OCPD people. For the latter, perhaps they feel a loss of control with humor, and certainly humor requires being able to see something in multiple ways which may trigger further rigidity.

Idk, just some thoughts.

Square:

One of my favorite authors, Dave Barry, talks about humor impaired people.   He says some people will understand the following: "the word weasel is always funny...

Example: 'Richard M Nixon wearing a necktie' is not funny

'Richard M Nixon wearing a neck weasel' is funny"

He goes on to say that normal people, such as fans of his books, should stick to their medications and are not humor impaired.

He said there is a class of humor impaired people who don't understand why neck weasel is funny at all.   But he says there is another type who write his editor to suggest he write a retraction and apologize to weasel lovers who are now offended.

I think that class is the OCPD ones.   They probably don't get the joke and they want some control back.