New here

[scape]

I think my older brother might be a narcissist.
He's away for work a lot but everytime he comes home a problem arises. Now that we are in lockdown there's something every day.
He bosses around everyone in my family: my grandma cooks and cleans and irons clothes for the whole family but she also keeps his room clean and in order (as if my brother was 6 - he's 40) , he gets mad when grandma and I accidentally overcook the pasta, we need to eat when he's finished working (and most times we don't know when he will finish until 20 minutes before we need to have food ready on the table), I'm still studying and he interrupts me many times a day calling me on the phone and asking me to print stuff for him or bring things downstairs, makes my dad do lots of chores for him.

One time a waiter at a restaurant we went to messed up the bill or something and my brother flipped out. I stayed frozen for a while and then slowly walked out. I saw my brother start coming out too but then stopped because he caught the waiter making a face when he was leaving (at least that's what he said afterwards) so he got back inside and argued some more. When this sort of thing happens I get scared. Also I live in a small town and people remember and I don't like him burning bridges for me. I'll never go to that restaurant again.

A few nights ago he had a headache and felt feverish and skipped dinner. Then made me come downstairs at 23 to bring him something, then called a few minutes later for me to go downstairs again and when I got there he said he wanted to order take out and asked if I could go out to the front door and get it when it arrived because he didn't want to get a cold (at this point he already knew he didn't have a fever, mind you). It was cold, I was tired and wanted to go to sleep, and we practically had in the fridge the same thing he wanted to order, so I said "sorry, but no. Maybe some other time".
At this point he started calling me names in front of our grandma and told me that I'm ungrateful after all he's done for me. He started screaming he won't ask me anymore favors but won't help me either. Before I left and got upstairs again he told me I should feel guilty about my behaviour and if I don't that's my problem.

I can't even count all the times he's made me feel/look crazy... and in public he portrays the perfect brother and the man who made it coming from a small town... makes me sick...

I want to leave home but my dad won't let me leave until I get a degree (I already have a degree that would allow me to work but for my dad it's not enough, so I don't even have a choice in that) and even if I left I would have to leave my grandma alone with  my brother (who treats her badly) and my dad (who sometimes fights with her and when that happens he stops checking on her or talking to her at all).
My grandma's daughter could help (even if she doesn't leave close by) but won't because she doesn't want to put up with my dad if it's not absolutely necessary (they don't get along great) and has to take care of her daughter's kids a lot of the time (which is another thing that makes me mad honestly).

Since my brother has stopped asking me to do things I've been able to concentrate a bit more on my studies so hopefully I will get some exams in, but this has happened before and in my experience this peace never lasts for too long : something will happen which will force me to help either my grandma or dad or both to solve a problem -because my brother won't- and then I wont have enough time to study anymore and I'll fall behind yet again). Also I'm not sure if I should fear more repercussions from my brother (other than the silence, which I don't mind).

I'm just worried because of all of these difficulties I won't be able to concentrate and I won't get a job good enough to go away from home and be independent.
If things keep going this way, I'll get stuck at home, in a town I hate, taking care of my dad in his old age while my brother is free to travel and work and have money to spend however he wants and only come home when he needs clean clothes (which I'll have to clean).
I'm just very sad because it feels like I will never get out of here and have my own life...

Sorry for the long post. Any suggestions and what I should do until I'm able to move out?

[scape]

Another of my fears is that I'll become a narcissist my self or I'll attract narcissists (which has already happened - a friend who lied to/about me to/about my best friend and tried to make us fight and split- and I don't think it was a coincidence).
If I worked and had money of my own I would get therapy but right now I can't... Anything else I can do instead?

[Itsmylife272]

I'm new here too. Just wanted you to know I read your post and understand. :-(