like a vulture at a carcass

[tragedy or hope]

I am doing medium chill today. I have been offered food ad nauseam, compelled to stop talking by his feigned affection, interrupted while talking with smiles and changes of subject and finally...

asked to smell food  has been in the fridge too long. Refusing...later I am asked to check the date on two containers of buttermilk. The supposed problem is that the adult who purchased the containers cannot decide which carton is new. The one that says Jan. or the one that says March.

My response, that I doubt it is Jan of last year... is met with disappointment. And with comments like I will just get out of your way, I am bothering you. To which he grabs his cookbook and shuts himself up in his playroom. (study)

The vulture comment. I have nothing left for him to pick at today. All morning he has been doing dumb stuff instead of having a normal conversation. I tried that, he just dismissed real issues.

The carcass has been picked dry.

Anyone have to deal with these food sniffing/testing issues?! I refer it back to him....who seems to be able to find the one container of honey in the cabinet that is so empty he questions what I am doing with it but can't make a decision about a date on a carton.

Now I find myself thinking about what HE is doing!

[Andeza]

Meh, I wouldn't waste my time or limited energy worrying about what he's doing. I would just carry on with my plan for the day and maybe add a little extra outside fresh air time.

The pwPD in my life was uBPDm, but she kept the fridge and pantry pretty well meticulous. She would make a big deal about starving children in Africa any time something managed to actually spoil, but that was it.

Great mental image of the vulture though. Very accurate.

[stormbrewing]

Yes with the food testing - although if I gave an opinion it would mean absolutely nothing, he had already decided whether to eat it or not. If we both agreed that it wasn't ok to eat/drink he would then go down the road of interrogating me as to why it was still in the fridge if not ok to consume.

Just like every other question it was completely loaded.

When you say he is doing dumb stuff is he trying to get a reaction? Does it get worse when you MC? Either way it's totally exhausting. I hope you had some peace last night.

[losingmyself]

Yeah. Complaints about wasting food. All the time.
There are days when I just say to myself, "So, this is your thing today. okay..." Then go about my day. I try to avoid the subject.
It just always has to be something. I call it 'bitch of the day'

[tragedy or hope]

Thanks! Like your replies. Have to remember "b__tch of the day."  That's about how it goes.
I was doing medium chill because I feel like he is surveying my every move. I have nothing to talk to him about when he gets like that. He waits on ME to say something interesting. He desperately wants attention. What I am giving him at the time is not enough, simply because I am comfortable in my own space. He hates that. I have to also be in his space.

It's a good reminder to me to just give a little to get him doing something he thinks I am into, while I take care of me... simply for my own peace of mind so the incredibly bane pursuit will stop.

[SparkStillLit]

I get....idk, stalked. I'll be on the couch, reading, and it's morning, he's not usually up. But he will get coffee and perch across from me and begin rant of the day. Politics, society, human behavior, or lately these digs at people who take "pills" (me) or drink (his sister). HE has it so well managed with diet and exercise. Let's not discuss how much nastier he's gotten after bein unemployed for over a year and having things all his way and doing whatever he wants, because nobody wants to deal with him in meltdown. Let's also not discuss the empty 12 pack and empty bourbon bottle, both of which were Christmas gifts. Now he's in the whiskey and MY bourbon.
I hate getting trapped on the couch. It just irks, because I'm all comfy and the only way to stop that is to "go pee". I've done experiments, I've started talking, and he just steams right over the top of me, I've kept talking, but he normally doesn't stop. He just keeps going. Very occasionally he will angrily stop, huff "go ahead" and give me my usual two sentences while absolutely FUMING, and then roll on over me. It's pretty wild, these experiments.
Mostly I just want to be left alone.

[ICantThinkOfAName]

The food thing.  Ugh.... Is this good?  Smell this... I never in my life thought I would hate a refrigerator so much.  The amount of micromanaging and control over what is in there and why didn't anyone eat this?  And why is this in the trash?  I got a talking to for putting the wrong type of ingredient into a casserole I made, and by doing so, the casserole was somewhat less than perfect, but edible.  This was the first time I made this recipe.  The reason for the anger was that when discussing the food choices for the week, he suggested a certain ingredient for that recipe.  I forgot to buy certain ingredient at the store and used what we had at the house.  Same thing, just a different type.  He made zero effort to help cook or clean up, yet acts as if I've committed a heinous crime.  An assault to his taste buds.  And yeah not taking his advice is the biggest insult you can give him. 

I've tried what I can to just not care about it, but it does irk me.  I'd like to just buy all my meals online, like a Jenny Craig type thing and tell him to fend for himself, but I have other people in the house to worry about.  Cause you know you can't just make a meal for yourself, how selfish is that? 

I can relate to the carcass thing 100%.  I just don't get it though.  Why?  What is the point of being so hyper-critical?

[losingmyself]

He's in charge. That's what I see.

[tragedy or hope]

yeah, thinking on this that is exactly it. He is in charge, down to what is in the fridge and who will do the dirty job of figuring what needs to be thrown out. It IS a control issue.  For someone who used to run a business (and run off some employees to quit) everything must be micro managed.

I get a comment, a nod, interrupted, whatever. In my quiet moments, I feel though he is not next to me, he knows my whereabouts in the house and what I am doing. Kind of creepy. It would be nice if he had something to say, but he mostly he just sits even if I am in the room, playing games on his device. (there are worse addictions )

I manage, I get out alone, take my dog for a walk, send him on errands... when he is busy I make sure to not interrupt so I can feel alone. I have found ways to cope. With the lockdown situation, I am sure others are dealing with the same.

Honestly, once in awhile so I don't appear standoffish I actually go looking for him even though I know I will get nothing out of it but frustration. It's like walking a tightrope. I am just trying to deal with reality. I have to pick my moments. I want serenity, and I do what I need to do to make that happen for me.