New to the forum and confused

[sophierhj]

Hi, I've read some posts on this site off and on for a few years now, trying to make sense of my family. I very recently found out that my younger sister attempted suicide, which led to a diagnosis of Borderline Personality disorder for her.

I've never put two and two together but upon hearing about this it makes a lot of sense - we've had a strained/barely existing relationship since she was about 14, when she decided she hated my mother - and me by extension - and left me and my mum to go and live with our father instead. I've struggled a lot with guilt over the years. Our mum wasn't perfect and I think has a lot of her own mental health struggles which led to her being not great while we were teenagers. I was afraid of her anger and when my sister started "acting out" (stealing from me and running away from home) I was too terrified of both of them to step in and do anything during their fights.

Of course ever since my sister left I've wondered if I failed at my one job as an older sister - to protect my younger sister at all costs. It's something that's been on my mind a lot this year as I struggle to know whether I should accept we have barely any relationship or whether I should try harder. Anyway I've come here with the intention of asking for advice on the sibling forum - I've been asked to keep my sister's suicide attempt a secret from my mum and I'm completely spiralling about how to handle that. Thank you for reading.

[treesgrowslowly]

Hello and welcome,

I am sorry you have had to shoulder so much.

I found counselling to be very helpful in sorting out family bonds. You've got relationships with your mom and your sister and it is really stressful trying to sort out the feelings you are feeling. People here definitely understand that sort of stress.

Are you open to working with a counsellor? Has the toolbox here been helpful to your situation so far?

Trees

[sophierhj]

Thank you for your reply and kind words.

I do have a therapist. I was seeing her regularly earlier this year for my own anxiety but have been on a break for a while. I just reached out to her this morning and am waiting to hear back. I also went to years of counselling when I was much younger as I had my own mental health struggles and my sister leaving was much more fresh at that point. I unfortunately never felt like anything was resolved from the old counselling but I'm hoping to get something out of revisiting this with my new counsellor.

I was hoping to supplement the therapy with this forum. I have been waiting for years for my sister to get a diagnosis but she would never let a mental health professional near her for long enough to get one. Now that it is finally confirmed it feels like a relief but at the same time has come at a very critical time.

[Free2Bme]

Welcome to the forum sophierhj,  glad to have you here 

I hope you will find it as helpful and supportive as I have.

~free