Divorcing a Covert PREDATOR Narc After 23yr Marriage...NO CONTACT 4 Mths

[Favored3]

Hi, Im new here, registered moments ago. Been with spouse 25 yrs, married 23 yrs. He masked his narcissism very well but ALL came crashing down 7 mths ago when his co-workers told me about his womanizing on his job AND the co-workers gave me the VIDEOS as proof!! His predatory behavior on the job dates back 20yrs...yes 20yrs...I spoke with a women who gave him sexual favors on the job 20yrs ago,  mind you we've been married 23 years! This woman eventually quit the job because he discarded her & she couldn't stand to see him date other women on the job in her face. He IS SICK!!!

7 mths ago when I confronted soouse about the video, do you know this dude STILL denied his behavior, saying it wasn't him even while seeing himself HAVING SEX ON VIDEO in his office with a woman who reports to him!!?? His co-workers set him up with a very clear video image in his office... they got tired of complaining to HR to no avail so the co-workers took matters into their own hands. Many of the co-workers who set him up were his discarded victims... The nerve of this dude!! Oh & by the way, spouse & I lived a Christian life, into church & serving God!! Yet he is the DEVIL in hiding.

Well he's EXPOSED now & he's doing everything he can to stop the divorce.  His pension & other assets are divisible as marital property in the divorce & he's nearing retirement & SICK that he's about to lose everything!! Ive been NO CONTACT for 4 months, I'm in therapy, & I've TOTALLY DESTROYED the soul tie I had to him.

There's sooooo much to this story that Ive uncovered in the last 7 months, several instances more egregious than mentioned above, but I think you can get a pretty good visual of the type of devil named my husband for 23 yrs.  THANK YOU JESUS FOR EXPOSING THE TRUTH & DELIVERING ME FROM THE WICKED HAND OF THE ENEMY!!! HALLELUJAH!!!

If theres anyone who can relate to my situation, I'd like to read your story as well. Ive joined this platform seeking a community to heal eachother.

Thanks for reading my story ♡

[1footouttadefog]

My spouse is a covert narc who has become more grandious the oast few years.

I have found lies that have been there all along.  He lied about his military service to me for 34 years.  A few years back he tried to become involved with not one but two women he was engaged to and went no contact with them at the last minute.  What he actually was motivated by was a need to "out veteran"  their dead husbands.  He wanted to go out do them by bragging about himself.  Sick MFr.

I am just keeping the oeace until my youngest is out. We leave separated in the house and he will be soending time at our empty rental soon.

I stayed home to raise and homeschool the kids and took care of eldery relatives etc and have no SS of my own and I refused to have the kids alone with him 50/50 custody.  Also there is an issue of me having medical benifits as his wife. 

I am staying married legally for now but the marriage is over. And was dead years ago.

I dont have proof mine ever cheated but he was definitely infatuated by others alot over the years but him being a porn addict and a covert he was likely happy to fantacise anyway.

There are other lies that have come to light of late making it more clear than ever he never valued me enough to be truthful with me. 

I am parenting to wonderful kids. They are doing well in college after being homeschooled from k through graduation.  I habe run small businesses and helped many many folks aling the way with the support akd consulting I did.

I am not feeling it was all a waste and value the kids our marriage priduced enough to forgive what was taken feom me with lies and disrepect etc.

I will set meself free for tye next chapter however, when the time is right.

[bloomie]

Favored3 - Hi there and welcome to Out of the FOG. What a heartbreaking discovery, and yet how important to know the truth of just how egregious your ex's behaviors have been for a very long time.

I am thankful you have reached out for support and are getting good in real life support as well. Recovering and healing from this level of betrayal and upheaval in your life takes a support network around you. So, bravo for you to be reaching out.

A great forum board that would be a great place to check out is our Separating and Divorcing board which is found here: https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?board=8.0

There are book recommendations and other online media suggestions that other members have found to be further help on their healing journey.

You mention cutting soul ties and that is something that I personally have found to be extremely important in breaking free.

Wanted to mention, we have a board specifically for Religious & Spiritual Discussion that may be of interest to you as you read through the posts and that is found here: https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?board=13.0

When you are ready join the conversations taking place on the boards! I look forward to supporting you.

[Free2Bme]

Hi Favored3 ~

What you describe is amazing, it must have been so insidious for his co-workers to take matters into their own hands in this way.  I'm sure that getting this information was both hurtful and validating at the same time. 

I am sorry for what you are going through, there are many here that can relate.  I was married to a covert NPD/ASPD for 20+ years, I left him 5 years ago.  We were the 'perfect' family on the exterior, he's a very successful executive, we both served in our church, etc.  No one knew the hell going on at home.  I suspected updh had been unfaithful (clues) but never had proof of sexual affairs.  However, he had a long history of emotional involvement/flirtations with female co-workers (office supply). 

It is classic PD to deny evidence that is staring them in the face, their entire existence has been to avoid being exposed and they can't handle it.  Yes, they are the devil in hiding!  My DS used to ask me if dad had a demon inside him. 

As painful as it is, it is good that you have this concrete evidence.  This will strengthen your resolve and your court case. 
Were your financial assets 'frozen' ? 
Are there children that will have to go on visitation? 

Please protect yourself/kids financially.  Most importantly, be safe.  Some PD's become very unstable during the separation/divorce process as they are losing control and may act out toward you.  Mt T pointed this out to me and said my updxh was 'decompensating'. 

This is tough in the beginning, but it will get better.  You will survive this, there is peace on the other side!

Take care!

[Favored3]

@1footouttadefog

Thanks for sharing your story ♡.  This is the first time I shared my story & it's VERY THERAPEUTIC to RELEASE the abuse through writing...

There must be a playbook somewhere that coverts read from to suck up their evilness, because I could relate to many points in your story. I mentioned several below...

My ex is a veteran who was married to his 1st wife for 7 yrs. She divorced him 4 yrs before I met him, 25 yrs ago. He went through hell & high water to keep his 1st wife away from me, saying she's just mad he moved on with his life & marrying me. At the time I thought great, I didn't want to deal with a scorned ex wife, who was 10yrs my senior. In retrospect, I was soooo young & naive...stbx was my 3rd boyfriend who I married at while 22 yrs old... you live & you learn I suppose...

Like your ex, my stbx has a sick motivation to outshine his 1st wife. She purchased a house after their divorce & my stbx was hell bent on buying a house & attempted to inherit a house from a deceased family member. Well in the last 7 mths I uncovered that he came into 6 figure settlement (did not disclose to me, although he used my name & ssn to help his case... being married) & he purchased a house in CASH & other assets in CASH (also did not disclose to me). He has been living a FULL double life in the new home during the day  (telling me he was going to work) while still coming home to me most nights (nights he didn't come home he "worked a double" & made sure that he answered his phone everytime I called).  I tell ya, he was a PRO at lying, cheating & covering his tracks!!

Covert narcs are the devil who smiles in your face, make a good show at being the perfect husband WHILE destroying the marriage in the dark due to their selfish, jealous, hatred empty evil spirit.

Like your ex, my stbx ALSO become QUITE FLASHY once he got that settlement (that I didn't know about). He purchased a New Flashy SUV (cash, I didn't know...I've uncovered that he also purchased a new car in cash for at least 1 mistress). After physically abusing me, his "make up" gesture was taking me on luxury vacations 2-3x yr (HOWEVER Ive uncovered that he ALSO brought his mistresses...YES plural...along on the SAME vacations, of course behind my back).

Our bank accounts have been separated for years because he BLOWS through money & has deplorable credit  (I'm a saver with excellent credit).  He works in the public sector middle management nearing retirement & earns a very decent salary. Those vacations, new SUV, etc were EASY to cover & hide behind his income from work.

Looking back, I could not have made up the drama I endured & uncovered from this evil dark devil. Now that I'm divorcing him, he's campaigned to hurt me out of hate, jealousy & pure venom because I REFUSE to drop the divorce.

I had no idea what monster I married until the separation when I researched online & discovered I married a very, very sick individual who THRIVED on HIDING until that money exposed his grandiose ideologies.

...oh & there's STILL MORE incidents MORE EGREGIOUS than above!!

COVERTS ARE EVIL!!!

I'd like to read more stories & testimonies if you can relate. Ive also began searching the site for stories. It's truly helping my healing knowing Im not alone ♡

[Favored3]

@ FREE2BME

Thank you for sharing your story ♡

Yes getting those videos were very hurtful, l sincerely felt like I was dying inside, my heart was beating so fast that I could see my shirt moving/protruding rapidly from my chest. At that point I also experiencing fright because I felt like I didn't know who he was...like who is lying up next to me who knows my personal EVERYTHING! I felt INTENSELY UNSAFE.

However, once I watched those videos hurt, sadness, fright turned to sheer ANGER. It took the Love of God to compose myself while confronting ex. I serve a living, majestic, God who brought darkness into light, giving me a biblical "out" from an abusive marriage (Praise God).

As for the discarded co-workers who set him up, TRUST ME they were not just shooting him because he was parading his new mistress in their faces, those scorned flying monkeys also wanted to destroy me because apparently he told them (scorned mistresses)  they could never be me and that he was never going to leave his wife for them. Well they plotted against him by sending me those videos HOPING I would leave him since he wouldnt leave me for them. A twisted wicked entanglement...THEY'RE ALL SICK!!! Evil plotting against evil.... BUT YET FOR MY GOOD!!! Glory HALLELUJAH!!

We have an adult (college) child together, my only child (his 4th child). Thank God because I don't have to deal with any minor child matters in court.

Thanks for the wise advise about safety. He's already begun settle threats through texts (I'm no contact) which have made the threats increasing more obvious to me but not the law). Im very supportive of the local police dept (I send them holiday baskets, baked goods, & during covid tons of PPE's (they've come to my rescue several times over the years after ex knocked me around)... well the Police Chief placed my cell on his EMERGENCY list to dispatch patrol to my home as priority. Also off record Sergeant & Chief encouraged to me obtain my CCW permit (which I have obtained along with several firearms).  After I married narc, I discovered he has a felony for attempted murder of his ex wife which led to their divorce... so Im taking my safety very seriously!!

My atty knows of the physical abuse & has pictures of my bruised body.  However because the last physical assault occurred in July, 2019, atty stated judge wouldn't issue an order of protection because ex hasn't posed any current imminent danger.

Im watching & saving all texts emails etc for evidence in the meanwhile. 

...oh & there's STILL more incidents EVEN MORE EGREGIOUS than what's already shared...

I'd like to read more stories & testimonies if you can relate. Ive also began searching the site for stories. It's truly helping my healing knowing Im not alone ♡

[D.]

Yes I relate.  Welcome to the forum and congratulations on all the steps you are taking to heal.  I admire your strength.

I was married 20+ years to uPDNxh.  I too realized he'd been predatory for as long.  We were also active in our church together.  For me divorcing was the beginning of a journey that took me back to FOO trauma and brought me into the present with an eye on the truth and understanding this is helping me through the grace of God to really be the best me.

[1footouttadefog]

I hope you find your way to safety.

You sound like you have a great start on understanding the nature of what you have dealt with.

Beware that healing from all of it will be a grieving process and some periods of intense emotions can potentially surface. 

Stay strong amd practice holistic self care.

[victoriousladyJj]

Hi, Im new here, registered moments ago & posted this on the Welcome Mat.

Been with spouse 25 yrs, married 23 yrs. He masked his narcissism very well but ALL came crashing down 7 mths ago when his co-workers told me about his womanizing on his job AND the co-workers gave me the VIDEOS as proof!! His predatory behavior on the job dates back 20yrs...yes 20yrs...I spoke with a women who gave him sexual favors on the job 20yrs ago,  mind you we've been married 23 years! This woman eventually quit the job because he discarded her & she couldn't stand to see him date other women on the job in her face. He IS SICK!!!

7 mths ago when I confronted spouse about the video, do you know this dude STILL denied his behavior, saying it wasn't him even while seeing himself HAVING SEX ON VIDEO in his office with a woman who reports to him!!?? His co-workers set him up with a very clear video image in his office... they got tired of complaining to HR to no avail so the co-workers took matters into their own hands. Many of the co-workers who set him up were his discarded victims... The nerve of this dude!! Oh & by the way, spouse & I lived a Christian life, into church & serving God!! Yet he is the DEVIL in hiding.

Well he's EXPOSED now & he's doing everything he can to stop the divorce.  His pension & other assets are divisible as marital property in the divorce & he's nearing retirement & SICK that he's about to lose everything!! Ive been NO CONTACT for 4 months, I'm in therapy, & I've TOTALLY DESTROYED the soul tie I had to him.

There's sooooo much to this story that Ive uncovered in the last 7 months, several instances more egregious than mentioned above, but I think you can get a pretty good visual of the type of devil named my husband for 23 yrs.  THANK YOU JESUS FOR EXPOSING THE TRUTH & DELIVERING ME FROM THE WICKED HAND OF THE ENEMY!!! HALLELUJAH!!!

If theres anyone who can relate to my situation, I'd like to read your story as well. Ive joined this platform seeking a community to heal eachother.

Thanks for reading my story ♡

Narcissist NEVER win, they always play themselves! Hallelujah! So glad you are free and the truth was exposed!