Bullying as a Child:

[IRedW77]

I've been tearing my entire childhood apart and putting it under a microscope since I learned about my mother's BPD.

I've always felt like I had some trauma, but I always attributed most of it to my terrible adolescent years in school. I remember that. It was upsetting on a daily basis, and I could wrap my brain around it.

I've just been wondering what about me made me a target for bullying at that age?

Can kids just sense that you're already traumatized?

Can they see that you have lots of easy buttons to push?

Is there some way you're different at that age that other people can see in you?

Were any of you bullied as a kid?
Is this a thing?

I welcome your thoughts.

[Jolie40]

it seems most children/teens have experienced it

we had to buy a "dealing with bullies" book when our child was in Kindergarten!
I practiced with child what to do & say but child was to intimidated at that young age to speak up


fast forward a few years & our child has learned to speak up & shut them down

we learned telling a teacher does Nothing! Us parents spoke up during conference one year & child told teacher another year ...teachers don't want to help/get involved

[Prototypian]

A friend who is a big school administrator told me that the truth about middle school is that they understand that for nearly every kid, it's not about getting through middle school, it's a our surviving it.   Their emotions are so twisted and overwhelming for bullies, non bullies, friends, enemies, popular kids and introvert quiet kids alike that every single interaction is magnified by millionfold compared to the wonder and innocence of their lives up toage 9-10.   

I could see that the targeting effect coukd be more likely for a high schooler

[Andeza]

School is like a flock of chickens. There exists a hierarchy of a dominant hen or a rooster and those who are not, and everybody in between has their place in the pecking order. The hen at the bottom of the pecking order is missing patches of feathers and is sometimes bloodied because all the other hens yank them out. Now, when you've already got feathers missing, and "open wounds" emotionally from crap at home with a pd parent, the other kids intuitively know that. They smell blood. And just like chickens, they'll go after you until there's not much left. Children in that environment have not learned compassion, nor have they really been properly taught it. Compassion for the weaker or injured individuals is not always instinctive. It must sometimes be taught or learned. Our society as a whole has been moving farther and farther into the realm of thinking where every individual only looks out for themselves... Children that bully are only concerned about themselves and what their place in the pecking order is.

Additionally, I would posit the theory that many "bullies" in this age are NOT just acting out their own trauma as was once theorized about them in years past, but rather they are the pwPDs in the making. I feel that has been a shift made in the last 20-30 years that has not been properly explored nor investigated. The shocking rise of pwPDs, the massive increase in their numbers and the frequency with which we encounter them indicates not only better awareness and diagnostics, but also a pure increase in numbers.

The fact that our schools have become, as Jsinjin said, a place that children merely try to survive, tells me that the entire system is broken and in desperate need of reform.

[Prototypian]

Children in that environment have not learned compassion, nor have they really been properly taught it. Compassion for the weaker or injured individuals is not always instinctive. It must sometimes be taught or learned. Our society as a whole has been moving farther and farther into the realm of thinking where every individual only looks out for themselves... Children that bully are only concerned about themselves and what their place in the pecking order is.

Additionally, I would posit the theory that many "bullies" in this age are NOT just acting out their own trauma as was once theorized about them in years past, but rather they are the pwPDs in the making. I feel that has been a shift made in the last 20-30 years that has not been properly explored nor investigated. The shocking rise of pwPDs, the massive increase in their numbers and the frequency with which we encounter them indicates not only better awareness and diagnostics, but also a pure increase in numbers.

The fact that our schools have become, as Jsinjin said, a place that children merely try to survive, tells me that the entire system is broken and in desperate need of reform.

Likely so.   I believe that there has been a rise of a "bully" party in the world as a whole.   I think that the school bully and a bully mentality in general was being sidelined.   And I believe it was for good reason.   I think that this group saw that the tough person, lack-of-empathy and sympathy-is-a-weakness view was being marginalized.   Schools were filling with programs like Rachel's challenge, anti bullying, punishments for racial or ethnic or homophobic slurs, me too movements, and public calling out of those who bullied and in many cases justice was occurring for the bullied and marginalized.   I think there was a backlash as that kind of behavior was a that some people had.

From a school perspective I think it was absolutely headed in the right direction and I feel like that course was halted by groups of people who wanted to regain their sense of bullying self.   

I wish that there was no bullying or harsh criticism of people for being who they are, learning, trying and failing and contributing to the world around them.   I don't think this is the first or last generation to face these issues. 

But I do wonder what the psychological linkage between PD behaviors and scales is when measured against bullying, victims, and social pecking orders.   Sounds like a significant area for scholarly work that could help a lot of people.

[IRedW77]

This makes a lot of sense. It's kind of some of what I was thinking.

They had us read Lord of the Flies at that age for a reason—unfortunately at that age it just gave kids ideas of how to torture each other more.

Things have improved a LOT since I was a kid. They have policies in place to deal with bullying and they take them VERY seriously. There may be some backlash in some places, but I feel like a lot of that may depend on where you live.

It's progress from the standpoint of reducing bullying and it's impacts. Unfortunately for some people and parts of this country any and all "progress" is "progressive" and needs to be prevented and reversed at all costs.

There are some parts of this country where they still preserve corporal punishment in schools as a proud tradition.

I did want to say, I couldn't find pwPD in the glossary of terms, so I don't know what that is.

[Andeza]

People/persons with a personality disorder. Feels slightly better than just calling them pds, as though they are the sum of their disorder, although in some cases that seems to unfortunately be true.