New here, I'm an empath. Looking for solidarity. Hoping to find more peace.

[shapeshifter]

Where to begin like so many.  Thanks for letting me join in here and share.
My husbands mom, my MIL has bipolar...but often none of us are sure what the exact diagnosis is because so much of my life being married with my husband is witnessing and going through the painful episodes and seeing the whole family not acknowledge, suppress very uncomfortable words and arguments and then go on with the day as if nothing has happened.
The holidays are like clockwork in which there always seems to be an explosive event or happening where my MIL gets triggered.  For us it was on Dec 12th and only my husband was with his parents while it happened. My husband could have said anything in that conversation and he always is on the receiving end of getting the brunt of the explosive and un-attended and highly uncomfortable pain and anguish that my MIL is enduring.  After that episode, the story goes as always, my husband storms out and my FIL storms out , both going their separate ways because they could not handle the onslaught of words coming from my mil.  I think what is most difficult for me as an empath is that words and language and intent always seems to hit a nerve.  How people write, speak and even actions say a lot.  I just happened to read the text messages after my husbands visit, my husband told me he wanted to delete them before I saw and was hoping to have his mother blocked before I got to them but they were really ugly.  Many were about me and just plain awful.  The things that were said about me, my family and us. It just kinda sux.  My husband is in therapy and we work towards boundaries and coping the best we can but I just find that it's so hard dealing with the layers.  And for me, I see some major episodes and everyone going back to normal as if NOTHING was said or done. It's as if there is no penetration or hurt after the dumping of awful stuff. And to be honest, to be on the receiving end of someone's barrage of uncomfortable and painful feelings is just shitty..often times its my husband but we have both gotten it through the years.  Sometimes I wonder if I'm supposed to learn something from this all. I try to be as compassionate and kind and keep emotional / energetic lines pretty firm.  I'm here because this time of year is always tough. 

[bloomie]

shapeshifter - welcome to the community. What a lot to endure that you and your husband are in the midst of. I am so sorry for the pain of this latest awful dumping and for rug sweeping afterward which enables the abuse of others by your mil.

You have found a group of people who understand and who will support you as you and your H find a path forward that is best and right for your health and well being.

There are wonderful and insightful conversations taking place on the forum boards and a board dealing with toxic behaviors with in laws. It is a tricky spot to be in as a dil/wife to see our H's treated so poorly and scapgoated and the extended family's pretending like there is nothing wrong response. It is one I personally know very well in my own in law dynamic.

The toolbox and traits info at the drop down menus above is a great starting place and the other online resources and book recommendations are a wealth of help and knowledge.

One book I highly recommend is called: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson.

I realize that there are other mental health factors involved with your mil, but finding strategies for difficult traits and learning to unite in setting boundaries around what does and does not work for your lives in relationship with others is foundational work that you can do even when another person is not getting the help they need to stabilize their mood and manage their emotions.

I look forward to supporting you on your healing journey!