I told him I filed

[Bunnyme]

Ugh.  I told him I filed and asked where he should be served.  I feel sick.  All of the old insecurities of "am I doing the right thing" bubbled up, what if he really changed...  I KNOW in my head that he hasnt, but old.habits die hard.  I told him that my hope is that we can settle everything without ever having to go before a judge.  On the surface, he agreed, but I know all too well not to believe he is going to go quietly. 
My stomach is in knots.  I'm not at all financially able to put up a big fight, but I cant stay with him.  I close on my nes house next week.  In many ways, i feel like I just jumped out of a plane and am not certain I have a working parachute.   

[Cascade]

I admire you for the courage that took. I hope everything goes as smoothly as possible for you.

[Boat Babe]

Of course your feelings are all over the ace Bunnyme and that is totally understandable. Separating from someone you have loved is never easy. Add a PD to the mix and you will have a storm of raging, conflicting emotions. Add to that the knowledge that he may become further unhinged and damaging and you will be living in a horrendous cocktail of permanent adrenalin and cortisol. So please do everything you can to still your mind and calm your emotions. Slow, deep breathing helps me reregulate when I feel my anxiety rising. If you can have a supportive person with you (Covid is a bitch for that right now) then go.

I would say to keep your eyes on the prize at all times. You freedom and the rest of your life is waiting for you. Sending hugs and support.

[Lookin 2 B Free]

We're with you Bunnyme.   I remember those same feelings when I was getting divorced.  They're very natural at this point.  They're hard to bear and they can make you feel confused,  but they don't last forever.   You've done really well staying the course.  Keep posting and let us support you this last leg of the journey.

[Bunnyme]

Thank you all.  He got served yesterday.  Of course, now the "I want you to keep the whole stimulus for you and the kids because of all you do" bs of trying to act like the selfless martyr has turned into "I'm going to actually need that money now."  He is also now interested in setting up visitation again, as he knows his track record of canceling nearly half of his visits before this last stint in rehab wont look good for him. 
Watching him shapeshift through all of his various personas is exhausting.  Now I wait on his response to see what he is really after. 

[Stillirise]

Yes, be prepared for anything, at this point.  My stbxUPDh threw every random thing, both ugly and nice, at the wall to see what would stick.  No response, and Medium Chill when response is required, are your friends, through the good, the bad and the ugly.

I knew in my heart long before I filed that for my stbx, it would come down to money more than the kids.  I offered custody heavily in my favor out of the gate, to which he has only requested slight changes in his favor, and I agreed.  I feel it shows I’m willing to compromise. On the finances, I know where my line is, what is equitable, and where I can cut losses.  I’m holding the line, and if we can’t reach an agreement, we go to court.  He has thrown the threat out there that maybe he will go for more custody, when I won’t roll over on the assets. However, I have proof that his track record over the last year does not back that up in reality. 

Edited to add:  I’ve never taken actions to prevent him from having the kids on his time.  However, I’ve also been extremely cooperative, and agreeable, when it comes to enabling him to shirk his parenting time.  It isn’t my job to make him accountable for his parenting.

Keep in mind, all of your actions now, and the documentation of his, should be done with the idea that a 3rd party will see them.

Buckle up, and hang on! We are here for you!

[Phoenix Rising]

Way to go! 

Keep your guard up.. This is not meant to try and scare you but more of a suggestion and reminder that PDs can be quite volatile when you leave or file for divorce. They grasp at anything.

When I have been in this situation, I didn't believe a word of what he claimed to want. Everything non-urgent related to the children or financial matters was done only in writing. Concise, to the point, in a business-like manner. Some PDs tend to drag divorce and other processes to the point where other people have to intervene. You want to show, if it gets to that point, that you have been calm and collected. The PD will dig a hole for his or herself.

[Bunnyme]

He couldn't keep up the charade for even a week. I ended up giving him his money, even though he owes me thousands in support.  I carefully worded my message to say that he still owes me, but since he is paying for his treatment [which I know is actually a lie], I would send it.  It wasnt worth giving him the ammunition, and a judge may say it is his money anyway. 
Now he has already asked for a change in visitation (he saw them once this week for the first time in months and now cant make his visit next week.  He also has ridiculous reasons that he cant see the kids this weekend, and is claiming he likely wont be able to do visits consistently for a while because he cant drive from his hurt LEFT foot  .  He was trying to accuse me of keeping the kids from him before.  Once again, I have a string of messages where I offer various times and he rejects them.  The crazy part is that he wasnt just telling other people that I was withholding the kids...he actually would say that to ME.  I don't even respond to that stuff anymore.   Old me would have argued about how if they were a priority, he'd find a way...ask his sister for ride.  I cant make him want to see his kids.