Hello

[inspiration]

Hello All,

I am new to the site but have been dealing with what I have come to clearly see as an NPD wife. We've been married for 25 years, and have 3 daughters (ages 24, 22, and 20). I knew something was off early in the marriage but our focus on the girls was first priority and we genuinely liked each other going in having been college acquaintances for several years. So much has happened in the past 25 years and for the longest I just didn't understand and thought I was going crazy. Had some dark years where I fell into depression and problematic alcohol use. I'm on the upside and we're currently still together (I'm using a toolkit of techniques to take care of myself and set boundaries) but future is very questionable. I look forward to diving in to this site to share and support others, and get support. As a guy, this has been a long road to actually share because of conditioning to be tough but it is so important to reach out and connect. I went inward and was isolated for many years.

We just had an argument she initiated a few days ago that has my head hurting...feeling dazed and confused...and I ended up apologizing...for something from 24 years ago. My more recent ability to recognize the baiting, gaslighting, and other tactics is helpful but I can't always tell in real time and it still hurts and I get sucked back in. Circular arguments, triangulation. It was the suite of tactics in one session. The volatility and rage she expresses is less but I still can't continue like this. There has to be some clear new beginning, either together (with her commitment to self work) or apart. At this point I have not given up on the relationship but I have communicated and committed my priority of my mental and emotional health and my right to set boundaries.

[bloomie]

inspiration - hello and welcome to the community! Realizing tactics and traits that are disordered in our partner and developing a toolset and consistent boundaries to deal with those behaviors is a huge foundation from which to grow and go forward.

I am really glad you have reached out for support and encouragement. There is something very validating and empowering in sharing this journey Out of the FOG with others who do understand and have similar experiences.

Depending on where you are in your relationship a good board to jump into the conversations may be Chosen Relationships found here: https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?board=6.0

We have boards for those Committed to Working on It and Separating and Divorcing as well. And Common Behaivors. So, when you are ready, join the conversations taking place on the forum boards to get the most out of your time here.

There are book recommendations and other online resources that have been a big help to me to make good use of.

The reality of living with someone who consistently shows disordered traits and a dysfunctional world view takes a toll. Having support and sharing with others can help lighten a heavy load. Keep coming back!