Politics and volunteering

[Prototypian]

My uOCPDw is a local politician.   She has been in this since about a week after we got married over 25 years ago.

It's all encompassing and she picks fights with everyone and anyone who disagrees with her.   

Does anyone else deal with continuous actual politics: not watching it on tv bit working in it, living in it and dealignsith it and every aspect of it year after year.

[Andeza]

No... but even just your description sounds 100% exhausting. I'm sorry you're dealing with that.

[tragedy or hope]

Politics or not, it sounds like typical narcissistic behavior. My unpdh will verbally spar with my grandson who is 13 the minute he walks in the door. Anyone who he can manipulate, he does. It's his way of communication. I 'd be surprised if this is not also a tenet of your life together.

Their need for superiority is unquenchable. They get no attention if they agree. It's like what they say about publicity, good or bad, people are thinking about you.

Many PD's are in prominent positions. They will take nothing less for themselves. They believe they deserve it and they have something others are longing for. Many are religious leaders too.

They are in every field. They almost always get to the top "somehow" and live on their io associations with people as if because they now someone they are uniquely superior.

Not many of us can say we are married to politicians, but many of us CAN say we are married to people who behave like politicians rather than real people. It's not different, just on a much smaller scale.

To you; walk away, use the restroom, get distracted, peruse the lobby, make acquaintance with a stranger around the event. Take out your phone. If she seems irritated. compliment her ability to hold the attention of her audience, etc.

IF you are her target person, she is looking to impress YOU. When you give her what she wants, she will think she has you where she wants you. Not true if you know why you are doing it and preserving yourself. It's part of life with a PD. They do not change. Good luck.

[Stillirise]

I had close friends involved with politics for many years.  One was active in a high-ranking level within our state.  As in, if you aren't from here, you've never heard of him, but if you are, he's fairly well-known.   

His spouse became one of my closest friends, so I was there watching, through the whole rollercoaster.  I would say he had strong N traits. There were a lot of great times along the way.  However, there was also a lot of turmoil. He ended up in a scandal worthy of the 6'oclock news. Afterward, he totally imploded mentally, and literally moved to a foreign country for awhile.  Fortunately, my friend was able to get divorced from him before his face was on the news. It was a major embarrassment for her, and her children.  She has since managed to get her children successfully launched into adulthood, and has reestablished her own happy, fulfilled life.  He's still a N blow-hard, although now no one listens.

Within the same friend group, another friend, with OCPD tendencies, though less severe than what you describe with your wife, was also an elected official.  Her 1st marriage also imploded during her tenure.  She has been in and out of therapy now for years, for her OCPD traits, and severe anxiety.  She's remarried, and has a lovely family, although, based on limited conversations with her and her spouse, I don't believe things to be as rosy as they like to let on.  After asserting new boundaries for myself, I have distanced myself as a friend.  Her lack of concern for what's happening in my life, along with her constant focus on the things she wants to change about her own, left me feeling like her dumping ground.

In short, I have witnessed up close how many disordered people there are in politics.  I have also watched some of them completely unravel behind closed doors.  What I've seen is in the end, they are still who and what they are, even when the political career ends.