DH acting out

[Pepin]

DH is working away on our taxes.  Today is Easter.  He had time yesterday to work on this but chose to watch TV instead.  I think this is his way of acting out rather than doing things together as a family today because we are not including PDmil in any part.  PDmil isn't joining DH's sister either as the sister was invited elsewhere.  Ugh.  These stupid holiday games.  Well, whatever.  I am not going to feel sorry for PDmil and DH can do what he wants as I am still going to get through the day with the plans that I have for our FOC.

[Leonor]

I'm sorry, Pepin.

It's so hard when our spouses are triggered and that triggery-ness expresses itself towards us as anger.

You are doing a great job not engaging. It's generous of you to give him space to have his feelings (especially when it feels like he's having them *at* you.

[engineer31]

I feel you. DH used to do this all the time. I wouldn't understand it; he would just lounge around and do nothing when the kids were at school, and I was at work, and then start doing everything when I got home. It was so aggravating and it felt like he didn't want to be around us. I would get so upset, thinking why couldn't you do this while we weren't here so that when I got home we could watch an episode of our show together, or take the kids outside to play as a family. Marriage counseling has helped us a lot; he doesn't do it as often anymore, so when it does happen, it isn't as hurtful. Good job giving him space; I hope you had a good day doing the plans you made with your FOC.

[Pepin]

Thank you both for your replies -- I was worried about yesterday -- how it was going to go but DH pretty much did a 180 later on.  He was preparing his mother's taxes first....which he was not happy about.  And of course he is doing her taxes because she doesn't know how and his siblings could never step up and handle it with honesty or patience.

We were able to have some family time later in the day and dinner time was void of PDmil for a change for this Easter holiday.  She wasn't even mentioned and DH seemed to be in a better state of mind.  He didn't take the absence of his mother out on anyone.  Maybe he realized that it just isn't worth it because of the logistics of him driving her back and forth and how much time having her over would entail.  Maybe he is understanding that things operate so much more smoothly when she isn't involved?  After all, when she returns home after being with us, she doesn't have to deal with anything whereas we all have to return to a state of "normal."

I am pleased about how yesterday turned out despite how it began. 

[Leonor]

Hooray!