Is this mental abuse? Have you experienced something similar?

[Witchita234]

Have you had a similar experience to this? My girlfriend and I had been dating for 2 months. Things were really great in our relationship. She told me she had been divorced for two years and that her former partner was "crazy" and physically abusive to her. 

The first few weeks she showered me with random gifts for just no reason. She would tell me she couldn't imagine life without me, and that she really cared about me. We then started to get more serious and she became my girlfriend. Thanksgiving came around and we had plans to spend the holiday together with some of my friends, which she bought a new outfit for and everything. She seemed nervous, but we spoke about her insecurities. She was afraid she was going to "embarrass" me in front of my friends, which I assured she was not going to.

The morning of Thanksgiving, she had to work but everything seemed normal. Throughout the day she had called me just so she could hear my voice, which was normal for us. Then when it got later into the night, she sent me one last text saying she would let me know when she was on her way over, and then she completely stopped talking to me. I called, I texted, and just nothing. I thought something happened to her considering her abusive past. She had left her wallet, with her social security card, her passport ID card, and other important documentation in it at my place, along with her clothes.

However while she was giving me this silent treatment, I learned she hadn't been divorced for 2 years and instead got married a year before we met. I learned her spouse had deployed a month before we met, but that they were together right before the deployment. I learned all this through public social media, while I was trying to find out if she was alright.

I was shattered. I noticed a lot of inconsistencies with my girlfriend's life story, and the lies became more and more obvious to me. I called her job and she sounded disgusted that I was on the phone, she said she was having a mental breakdown and didn't even apologize for ignoring my texts or calls. She said she would pick up her wallet that week. She finally texted me the next day saying she was coming to get her wallet that evening, I asked her to bring my stuff with her when she came, she agreed, then never showed up. After a few days, I told her to come get her stuff or I would mail it to her. This is when things took a turn for the worst. She continued to just treat me horribly. She would laugh at any attempt I made to make her pick up her belongings. I finally told her I knew she had been lying to me about several things, and  that I never wanted to talk to her again.

She sent me PAGES and PAGES of texts calling me stupid, laughing at my pain and hurt, and saying I was stupid to not realize she just didn't want to be with me anymore. She said she didn't want to be with me anymore because I was invasive and told everyone about her depression and that she was formerly married (not true) and that I let everyone know all her business (also not true). The hateful texts continued for two days and consisted of her messaging me on multiple platforms when she realized she was blocked. She made a burner IG account to stalk my instagram as well. I did absolutely nothing to deserve this treatment, I asked her multiple times what was wrong and I gave her chances to pick up her belongings and she just never came. If she didn't want to be with me anymore, that's fine, but why wouldn't she have just picked up her belongings and left me alone if she didn't want to be with me anymore?

Is the above mental abuse? Is it consistent with someone that may have a personality disorder? Have you had a similar experience?

[notrightinthehead]

At best it sounds like this girlfriend unpredictable and impulsive.  From what you write,  you have been love bombed and then discarded.  This might be a good time to look at yourself and find out what makes you vulnerable to this kind of treatment.  In the beginning - did you find you were going too fast? Was it too good to believe?  Was there a feeling of unease that you chose to ignore?  Were there moments when you felt uncomfortable but did it anyway? Did not speak your mind for fear of the reaction? What could you have done differently?
You will not be able to change other people's behaviour but you will be able to protect yourself from falling for toxic people if you work on yourself.

[1footouttadefog]

It sounds bizzare on many levels.

Perhaps you can drop her items off at the police station and let her know they are there.  Or send them to her at work such that she will have to sign for them. 

It sounds like her connecting with you might have been part of a manic or psychcotic episode or something for her.  If so, in such a case it was all about her and what she was feeling and being driven by, and once the brain chemistry changes its all over for her.

I hope you are safe from her abuse now and can heal and move on from this.  Such an experience like this can bring about a grieving process die to the loss of what you though you had found, the assorted emotions involved can be intense and unsettling so be kind to yourself and practice self care.