Feeling lonely again in a new town

[JollyJazz]

Hi All,

Oh my, struggling again today.
For background... I have the coolest job ever, my dream job. I have amazing work, a wonderful boss etc. But I've had to move to a new town, about 9 hours drive away from my home town, family and friends.

I've been here for a few months now and I've had to endure several dramas. One was a male friend who hit on me (he is married) when I briefly stayed with him, and made a trip to move my things a nightmare. There have been other things so I've had to get my distance from him. Then there was the BPD 'friend' who split and became very abusive when I drew some boundaries with her, then there was the strange land lady who became infatuated with me and started doing strange things like turning up outside my work, attempted cyber stalking etc. (it turns out she's known to the police and has a mental health history). I fled. Anyway, I ended up flatting with the other girl that left my flat. I've been really lonely in this new city, so I was glad to have some company.
But it turns out that our new land lady (a nice lady) has dementia. She is very forgetful. She constantly rewashes clean clothes and we find them all over the place. This new flatmate told me she wanted to call the mental health services so this poor lady could be carted off and we could enjoy the flat in peace. I realised then that this was a terrible person. I need to get far away from her. I convinced her not to. She's also taking advantage of the landladies forgetfulness and hasn't yet paid rent (I'm working on convincing her to do this). I also found out that she pretended to care about a rich guy to 'get the lifestyle she wanted'. She doesn't have a job and is deeply in debt. I'm doing what I can to help the landlady (I want to get her daughter's phone number so I can talk to her about getting her mental health assessed). Anyway other than that, I need to get away from this situation too.

I'm just feeling tired. I'm feeling lonely, jaded about humanity. I miss my home town a lot. I miss my good friends a lot. I miss stability.

I've embarked on a spree of signing up for things, joining clubs etc. But I'm just feeling tired and jaded.

I'm also getting the ball rolling on getting my own home, but its several months off yet!

[notrightinthehead]

When things get so bad for me and I feel there is no escape from all this turmoil and disappointments, I narrow my focus down. I try to just get through this day, this hour.  I do what I believe is the right thing, just for this moment.  It helps me to carry on. Big hug!

[JollyJazz]

Hi Notrightinthehead,
Thank you ☺️ I really appreciate it ☺️
I'm getting there, just step by step. Getting through the days ☺️

[Sapling]

Hang in there Jollyjazz! I'm not surprised that you' re tired! Moving is a huge stress under any circumstance, and you've also had to deal with friends violating your trust and your boundaries in addition, and all the disappointment and anguish that goes with that. I imagine there would be grief to deal with here as well. Go gently with yourself. You deserve rest and recuperation. Things will get better. You just need a bit of time. Sending you a big hug.

[1footouttadefog]

I hope you find your sane tribe soon.

They will be so wonderful after meeting so many pds.

I have had times when I had too many insane folks in my life in sucession.  It like being in a pinball machine, amd your are hoping they will miss woth the flipper so you can escape into the inter workings to rest if only for a minute.

[SparkStillLit]

Miss with the flipper, what a hilariously appropriate analogy!!! Isn't that JUST how it feels! Zing boing bing bong...

[JollyJazz]

Hi Sapling, 1footoutofthefog and SparkStillLit,

Lol, yes its been non stop crazy! Lol ☺️
I'm definitely prioritising wellness and I'm getting myself a quiet, safe haven away from the crazy ☺️ even if it costs a bit more.

I slept so badly last night. I am just putting my well being first.  Thanks everyone! ☺️

[JollyJazz]

P.S. So exhausted at work today! I'm getting myself a new place to live next week 🙂

[ShyTurtle]

Awh JollyJazz...I'm so sorry. It would seem that you really, really just need private accommodations of some kind. Surely there must be a teeny-tiny affordable bachelor apartment somewhere? I can totally empathise with your exhaustion with people! We empathic folks really do so much better when our home is a place of rest, refuge and regeneration and I'm so sorry that you're finding yourself in a challenging dynamic again. :/ What small step can you take today to create more peace for yourself?

[JollyJazz]

Hi Shyturtle,

Yes I'm going to 'splash out' and get something decent / nice for once.
I actually have enough money, I'm just so used to simple things for myself, I'm frugal.
It's Friday here - I'm so tired... got things sorted for a good night's sleep tonight.

I hope you are doing well 😊

[Boat Babe]

I have moved a few times in my life and it's always a bit isolating at first. That's inevitable. However, with Covid that has been amplified and has gone in for far too long now. Also, if we had a difficult childhood, we may be carrying a lit of loneliness within us: I certainly am and it's been a lifelong haunting of my psyche.  And you are emotionally fragile having endured PD abuse. I really feel for you.

Sending loads of love and good vibes as your in life starts to improve greatly 😃❤️

It will get

[JollyJazz]

Hi Boatbabe,

Thanks for your kind words of support!!

Yes, I'm being proactive - I'm signing up for social things... I've also signed up for more therapy. I do have a tendency to withdraw when I'm lonely and it's not healthy!!!

Thank you - it's really good to talk to people who understand!!