NCB to PCB - your only salvation

[Concerned One]

So, I've been trapped in this contract for 3 years with a seemingly passive aggressive neighbour upstairs. THat I didn't request a break clause in the contract is neither here nor there. I usually do but never exercised it and besides, what on earth could go wrong?

ANyway, so I'm now halfway through, and forced to face these intense emotions at the slightest sound from above. But what are these emotions? I decided to really investigate:

I was standing at the door with my ear glued to the door frame. This triggered an ancient memory. I'd done this before. but when? As a child. After a beating or telling off. I'd listen from my room to hear if it was safe. My home was often literally like a war zone, opening the bedroom door and tip-toeing to the top of the stairs listening out for the slightest cue that it might not be safe to venture out.

This is when I suddenly realized what the intense feeling was: It was a NEGATIVE CORE BELIEF (NCB). A belief that I was not liked, loved or wanted. That at any moment I could be kicked out onto the street and left for dead. That is what my neighbour upstairs was triggering.

As an NCBer, I believed (via my gut instinct) that my neighbour did not like me or want me around and that his actions were designed to get me to move out. What an awful thought. No wonder I felt terrorized. But was it true that my parents didn't want or like me and that I could be thrown out?

Well, there was no way they were going to throw me out, no. I was safe physically, if not psychologically/emotionally. But why did they not like me? Because they too were NCBers and NCBers cannot love because they do not know how to love. They had essentially turned me into an NCBer. So how to move from a negative core belief to a positive one - a PCB?

Merely shining a light on the NCB (that intense gut feeling) seems to do the trick plus reminding yourself who you actually are - a reflection (or aspect) of God. One of many. And that's it. That's all it takes to become PCB. But you have to face the NCB first. This is difficult because the NCB is so powerful that the initial reaction is to run from it, not face it. BUt the NCB is a memory. A very painful memory. PCB is shining the light on it and realizing your true nature.

[Penny Lane]

That is a great realization to have! I'm really impressed at the amount of inner work you've done on this.

[1footouttadefog]

I just watched a video last night wjere a therapist took a couple ( an acted out example) through a process called 123.it seeks you did almost the same thing on your own.

You might find investigating it ti be helpful.  In the break down the therapist asked the couple to try to practice a 123 process on a small thing a couple times a week between sessions so it would be habit when the big stuff came up.

It was interesting to hear terms and see it in process as I have had such realizations here and there, yet I havw not intentionally sought to systematically break down trigger responces on a regular basis or looked for smaller ones in everyday life.

I hope you become more comfortable in your home soon whether its there or elsewhere.