My YA eloped

[SparkStillLit]

She posted it to FB, but she has my mom blocked. I called my mom so she wouldn't hear it from my stepdads family first. PDm has this giant thing against stepdads family, but she also always compares us to them (especially YA) and we always fall short.
I decided to Be The Bigger Person, even though it would have been a delightful nasty dig if she heard it from them first.
I called her on the way to a site, while she was at work, and I told her we couldn't talk in depth tonight because I had too much work and I'd be too tired. This way she can't shit on me.
So her reaction?
She's "so disappointed" in YA decision
I said, she has a great job, benefits, housing, she is happy, she is safe, those kids have just as good of chance as anybody else.
Then PDM actually got PISSED at me! "You don't think they should know eachothet better"
Nope. Doesn't matter. People have made good marriages out of less. It's her life.
Then PDM got REALLY PISSED!!! a d got off the phone!
I got off the phone and I just started laughing. What bitchy behavior!! (Sorry mods. What I said before wasn't appropriate.)

[Andeza]

Congratulations! Both on the addition of a new in-law, and that you actually got your M to hang up on you!

Some people are never happy, ah well. Let them be miserable and crabby if they like, but they can leave you out of it. I wish your YA nothing but joy!

[Cat of the Canals]

Congratulations! Both on the addition of a new in-law, and that you actually got your M to hang up on you!

Ditto, and a further congratulations to you for breaking the PD cycle by allowing your YA to be an independent adult, and *GASP*  trusting her to make the best choices in her life!

Sometimes I am tempted to ask my mother or my unBPD mil: if you don't trust your adult child to make their own choices in life, doesn't that mean you did a piss-poor job of raising them?

[SparkStillLit]

Uuuggghhhh. Now pdm is early morning calling and leaving vms till my phone cuts her off.
Nope nope nope nope nope.
Noooooooot doing it. HELL to the no. YA won't answer calls or texts from her, never does.
Tooooooo much drama.

[moglow]

I'll be honest - I read this and immediately thought that's a situation you'd be best to nope right out of henceforth and hereafter. Sometimes you just have to remind yourself, not your circus not your monkeys. She can find out whatever from whoever and do with it what she will. By being the messenger, she has a target and presumably a source fir further details. Been there done it myself, learned the hard way.

Find gray rock and make it your friend going forward,  is my suggestion. Family drama? Not your stuff. You dont have to answer a thing for other people, ANY other people. You don't have to ignore her, but a well placed unemotional "Really. They havent said anything to me." Followed by change of subject along the lines of "it looks like your daffodils are getting ready to bloom!" Is amazing for taking wind out of gossipy sails.


By prefacing with "they haven't said anything to me" you're pointing out that us really isn't yours to discuss or speculate further. Change of subject says that subject is closed. You may have to repeat several times, just know the instant you offer an opinion, you're back in it if only in her eyes. It takes willpower and practice!

[Sneezy]

I said, she has a great job, benefits, housing, she is happy, she is safe, those kids have just as good of chance as anybody else.

Congratulations on your happy family news!  Good for your daughter and her husband, sending them all the best wishes!

Sounds like your mom is going to be "disappointed" in just about everything and everybody all the time.  What a way to live 

[Cat of the Canals]

Uuuggghhhh. Now pdm is early morning calling and leaving vms till my phone cuts her off.

Why do they all do this? If I ever left a rambling, ranting message and got cut off by the machine, I'd be completely mortified!