Memory seems clearer

[helpmeplease]

During my relationship there were lots of traumatic experiences both to do with him and his family, with work my family and my friends and just life in general. I could never remember time lines and details of events. We went on over 20 foreign holidays but to me they all blended into one. I could not remember anything about them, even the countries or places we went. Everything seemed speeded up blurry and confusing. Now suddenly eight years after we split up I am finding I am remembering dates, places resorts. countries and small details about each of the holidays. Why am I suddenly able to recall these details? Is it because I have time to think at this moment in time or is it something else?

[Boat Babe]

Trauma plays merry hell with your memory and what you describe is interesting and I hope that it is not distressing.  Do seek support  if the memories cause disruption to your well-being and life.  Hugs.

[AlisonWonder]

I don't know sorry but it's nice to hear my memories *might* come back.  I have forgotten many events that happened while I was helping raise my steppies.  DH seemed BPD and his teenagers were alienated from me by their mother, but  living with us, which was traumatic, as was knowing my own teenagers were being alienated from me overseas.  Writing it like that, I don't know how I lived through it.

Do you think I need to go NC with my steppies and children to get my memory back?

[square]

I really could only speculate. But for me, one coping mechanism I am (consciously) employing is, well, not having a good memory.

I avoid travelling with H except for what I MUST do, because EVERY trip includes a meltdown. (Holidays, too). He finds travel stressful for a number of reasons, hence meltdowns are guaranteed. I grew up in a healthy family, and I enjoy calling up memories of this trip or that one - all of them calm and enjoyable. But with H, there is no trip that I can remember that didn't have a meltdown.

If a memory pops up, I'll shove it back down.

I would need a good long time of healing and distance before I could feel okay voluntarily looking at those memories. It would only be okay if it happened to some other version of myself, safely in the past.

These memories are really just episodes of my present. No use in that agony now. Later, maybe some perspective and a chance to put the narrative into something useful ("things I learned" or whatever).

[JustKeepTrying]

You are protecting yourself.  Your brain's method of coping.  It is a safety mechanism.  Perfectly normal response to trauma.

I am in the same boat and asked my therapist those same questions.  Decades of days sliding one into another and no real memories.  Scents sometimes bring them back which surprised me.  Cut grass and I was suddenly standing in the back yard with my kids while they were playing.  I feel at times I lost so much and then I'm not sure I want the memories.

Hugs to you