THIS is why I keep my phone silenced!!!!

[SparkStillLit]

I've said how pdm uses my phone to bug hell out of me. She's still doing it. My responding to vms how and when I want is intermittent reinforcement, and she's playing that slot machine for alll she's got.
Well, Friday it was icy cold and a storm was brewing, so a colleague and I hurried together into the field early to to some work that was side by side so we wouldn't have it this week.
Pdm KNEW I was at work, her vm said so, but my "phone was acting weird, and she had to call 4 times" to leave her vm. I imagine I must have been on the verge of out of range. I don't know. But for pity's sake!!!! Could it wait????? Being a pd, everything revolves around her schedule and where she is. If she isn't at work at 7am, then neither am I. If she can have a long chat at any given moment, then so can I. Etc.

[Sneezy]

Being a pd, everything revolves around her schedule and where she is.

Yep, that is exactly how they think.  Good for you for keeping your phone on silent.  My cell is in the bottom of my purse on silent at all times.  At least that's my story and I'm sticking to it    I also have a house phone, but it's been "acting up" so I don't always get a good connection on it.  Phone calls are are like catnip for PDs.  They can't resist.  A phone call can be used to test you (are you a good enough child to run across the house and answer) or as a form of manipulation (whatever you are doing, you must stop now, and answer ME) or just as a source of entertainment (I'm bored and will keep calling everyone I know until someone answers and entertains me).  It is infuriating!  Keep that phone on silent, it's the only solution.

[Lisa]

Yes!  I feel you.  The phone is a weapon for manipulation and control.  I'm responding less and less because any little bit I give seems to indicate to them that they can control and manipulate me

[moglow]

Understand all too well! Mine invariably called midmorning during the workweek. She knew I was at work and couldnt/wouldnt answer, eventually slipped up and admitted that's why she called at that particular time. Noted.

She flat out denied it when I brought it up later, so I forwarded that VM right back to her. "That's not what I meant and you know it!!" Really? Really. Clearly that's what you said so ... Noted. Her number(s) have been set to go straight to voicemail for years - I don't want or need the distraction and I get to pick when or if I return her call. Snarly provoking message? No return call.

[Cat of the Canals]

Pdm KNEW I was at work, her vm said so, but my "phone was acting weird, and she had to call 4 times" to leave her vm. I imagine I must have been on the verge of out of range. I don't know.

And I'm sure there was something of DIRE IMPORTANCE that she needed to talk to you about, right?   

[SparkStillLit]

Cat, she thought so. It was about the Friday grocery run, where to be fair, she does pick me up the sale items of my choice. But she does it AFTER WORK. She absolutely did not need to ring my phone 4 times at 7am to leave her vm.
I didn't know about it, because silenced and I really was out of service area. I just got the vm, and replied in text about my choice of sale items at a convenient time.
It is not critical that I get sale items. It's just a thing she does. It seems kind on the surface, and it helps me (the Lord knows, anything does right now with Mr Unemployed, but that is its very own topic). However, it's just a rope to catch my feet with and try to make me come in contact with her. I have any number of defenses about this.

[Cat of the Canals]

It is not critical that I get sale items. It's just a thing she does. It seems kind on the surface, and it helps me (the Lord knows, anything does right now with Mr Unemployed, but that is its very own topic). However, it's just a rope to catch my feet with and try to make me come in contact with her. I have any number of defenses about this.

Yep, my uPD mom is very good at coming up with "nice things" to do for people so that they will feel kindly toward her or indebted to her. I've lost count of the number of times my SIL has started to complain about my mother not respecting boundaries, and then she stops herself by saying, "But she does SO MUCH for us, and I feel bad..."

Even before I was Out of the FOG, I was very careful about what gifts/favors I accepted. My husband admitted once that he'd wondered in the past if I was just being overly paranoid about it, but now says I was absolutely right to be wary. Sometimes we just know.