How to spot a 'Non'

[Free2Bme]

I was just listening to Dr. Les Carter on YouTube.
He pointed out two traits that are common to non-narcissistic people;

*self-control
*conscientiousness

After narcissistic abuse, I spent a lot of time trying to understand what happened, and studying traits of PD persons.  Although this is important, I would also be interested in describing traits of healthy people. 

I want to continue to cultivate these things in myself, and be able to recognize 'non' traits in others.  (Of course, PD's can simulate positive traits initially, but cannot sustain healthy behaviors over time.)

So, I'll add...

*Introspection
*humility

...anyone want to add ?

[Jade63]

* cooperation
*accepts reality

~J

[Cat of the Canals]

* has an interest in resolving conflict (versus escalating things) and does so in a reciprocal/mutually beneficial way (NOT "my way or the highway")

[Andeza]

May seem a bit standoffish... yup, that's me. We become very accustomed to the consuming interest of the pd, and so people that hold back a bit may seem uninterested when they're really just cautious.

[Cascade]

*easygoing *forgiving *patient

[SparkStillLit]

Has interests of their own.
Has ideas of their own. Is willing to listen to and be interested in the ideas of others.
Does give and take in any kind of relationship.

[Happypants]

The ability to communicate for communicating's sake and without agenda.

[Cat of the Canals]

This probably goes with humility, but:

* can admit to being wrong.
* offers genuine apologies.

[SparkStillLit]

*they have actions to back up words

[BeautifulCrazy]

Oh yes Spark! That's exactly what I was going to post!

Their words and actions align.
Also, they don't overshare and they don't like all the same things you do (OMG we're, like, soulmates!!).
- The ability to introspect is a really big one that was mentioned in the original post. I think along with that goes another trait
- They are able to enjoy being alone or being unoccupied.
Since leaving my PDh, I have noticed that healthy people don't have a constant need for company, activity, diversion, distraction...
- They have healthy attitudes toward material possessions.

[losingmyself]

* Is not judgemental.
Nons can see that what is on the outside might not reflect what is on the inside. People who look 'different' are not bad people or losers or careless with their finances..etc...

[Boat Babe]

 
That's a good one.

[LemonLime]

Accept shades gray.  Know that life is rarely black and white.
Gives people the benefit of the doubt.
Knows that most things people do or say is about them, not you
Can recognize their good fortune in life.

[SparkStillLit]

Oooohhh LemonLime, I like those too.

[blues_cruise]

*Has a healthy sense of self so can accept a difference in opinion/boundary/disagreement and not bear a lengthy, over-the-top grudge over a minor or imagined slight - has no interest in 'getting their own back' on you after the event.

[Wilderhearts]

*can practice vulnerability
*responds respectfully to being told "no"

[Free2Bme]

Thanks to everyone for naming these non traits. 

One more I thought of...
IME, a non-PD would not likely use information as a weapon of destruction, instead uses information in a constructive manner, to strengthen relationships.

Lately, I've been thinking I have spent a lot of time studying and thinking about PD behaviors, all very important for recovery.  Even thought I am NC with updxh, sometimes I feel that i continue to give him headspace through all my 'research'.  So, I will continue to learn and strengthen myself with resources about PD's, but now that I want to start forming new friendships, it's good to keep in mind qualities that set a healthy individual apart from a disordered person.  I really don't want to repeat history.

[Dollydrops]

Can understand the difference between an open or closed question, and answer with a clear response. Does not change the subject or give vague nonsensical replies leaving you more frustrated than before.
Can refer back to a serious conversation and remember most of what was discussed and who said what.

[SparkStillLit]

Can REMEMBER. No selective memory!!! Short of having TBI or early dementia or some other actual diagnosed issue, does not do the BS of not remembering important things or not remembering crappy behavior!
Also no future faking. Nons are people of their word.
Wait, hang on...
"We are men of action. Lies do not become us."
I had to 😁

[tragedy or hope]

Dollydrops, right on!

And I add; welcomes conversation that is intimate... sharing personal truth, with a desire to develop a more meaningful relationship.

Does not cling to and pursue people who are clearly not interested in furthering a relationship and can recognize the signs.

Does not manipulate people and hold them captive with empty talk for attention.
Allows people to comfortably move away when the conversation is over.

Also knows when to finish a conversation and not hold the other person hostage to ramblings about themselves.