Trying to leave this madness

[BefuddledClarity]

Not sure where to post this, just got in another (dumb) fight with partner who continued to call me names, like b*tch and a leech etc and gaslights/projects a lot.

He gets angry if we don't do what he wants RIGHT away. It's irritating.

Anyways idk, I guess I'm posting to vent. I want to separate but not sure...how? He took my car to clean out the other apartment--where the lease is ending this Wednesday. I was going to help him, until he started being obnoxious by talking loud and knocking stuff over because it's funny in his eyes. Then he went overboard with joking to the point it became name calling.

I'm trying to be considerate and give him time but holy moly I just can't. I called his dad to come get him but he said to let him cool off.

His dad is a whole OTHER story tbh. Just as toxic and an alcoholic. Talks to his wife terribly and she's still with him. When I saw him talking to his wife it reminded me of how my partner is towards me and my partner "apologized" for getting that way with me, but still does it.

Anyways...just needed to vent was all.

[Prototypian]

Vent away!!!   You don't deserve to be treated like that and he sounds like a total dufus brain.

Thoughts and prayers

Jsj

[Bunnyme]

I'm sorry you are dealing with that.  I cant tell you what you should do, as I dont know you.  However. I can say that you dont owe it to anyone to be considerate when they are treating you terribly.  Whether you choose to stay or go, do so for yourself.  Do so because it is what YOU want.  Dont stay with someone just because you are worried you will hurt someone's feelings.  I did that for far too long.  No matter what you decide, you can set boundaries for what you will and will not accept.  No one deserves to be called names or to be belittled. 

[BefuddledClarity]

Vent away!!!   You don't deserve to be treated like that and he sounds like a total dufus brain.

Thoughts and prayers

Jsj

Thanks, he really is a doofus brain and a jerk!

I'm sorry you are dealing with that.  I cant tell you what you should do, as I dont know you.  However. I can say that you dont owe it to anyone to be considerate when they are treating you terribly.  Whether you choose to stay or go, do so for yourself.  Do so because it is what YOU want.  Dont stay with someone just because you are worried you will hurt someone's feelings.  I did that for far too long.  No matter what you decide, you can set boundaries for what you will and will not accept.  No one deserves to be called names or to be belittled. 

Thank you for your kind words.
I'm trying to leave him but he refuses to leave my apartment...he ended up drinking again and ignored me all day. Acted like a toddler. I am really tired of the way he treats me. Then when he knows I'm serious, he tries to act all "sweet" with me. I feel sick. I'm tired of feeling like I have two toddlers at home instead of just one---the difference is my son is sweet and he doesn't know what he's doing, so I teach him. My partner knows what he's doing and tries to intimidate me. It makes me angry. Very angry. I want him to leave.

I don't really want to get the cops involved but I might have to.

[GentleSoul]

Sorry you have this in your life.  I hope you find a way out of it for you and your son.

You mention he is an alcoholic, have you considered Al-anon?  This is a program to help spouses and families of alcoholics. 

I found it an enormous help.  My late uPD husband was an alcoholic. 

Sending best wishes to you.

[blunk]

BefuddledClarity, I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. In a previous post you mentioned that only your name is on the lease. You may want to look into the laws in your area, but you may want/need to have him evicted. In my area, he would be considered a tenant, whether or not he pays rent. This could also work in your favor as it would allow you to have him removed by officials (not necessarily police, in my area it would be a judicial marshal), without having to involve CPS, as I remember that was also a concern for you. Just a thought, and the rules may be different where you live.

[BefuddledClarity]

Sorry you have this in your life.  I hope you find a way out of it for you and your son.

You mention he is an alcoholic, have you considered Al-anon?  This is a program to help spouses and families of alcoholics. 

I found it an enormous help.  My late uPD husband was an alcoholic. 

Sending best wishes to you.

Thank you.

I've heard of AlAnon and tried but haven't fully participated in one yet--- I'm not particularly religious and was scared away from some groups due to the religious part. I grew up with hyper religious and NPD parents so I got a bit nervous. I'll try again and keep looking.

BefuddledClarity, I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. In a previous post you mentioned that only your name is on the lease. You may want to look into the laws in your area, but you may want/need to have him evicted. In my area, he would be considered a tenant, whether or not he pays rent. This could also work in your favor as it would allow you to have him removed by officials (not necessarily police, in my area it would be a judicial marshal), without having to involve CPS, as I remember that was also a concern for you. Just a thought, and the rules may be different where you live.

Yes, I'm worried about CPS involved again because this time it will be over my head too...I'll have to look into the laws and see! Ideally, I wanted to have a 2month break(I got this apartment in February and our previous apartment together ends tomorrow) so we could have our space and try to work it out but...that didn't happen. I cave in to him wanting to still live together and also was delayed in moving into my apartment because both he and MOSTLY his parents kept borrowing my car... I really do think living separately may be healthy. I can afford all my own bills and can handle myself, so I'm not too worried.


Minor update:


Turnt out my partner was drinking BEFORE he got home and acted wild with me. Then drank more consistently throughout the day. He blacked out and couldn't remember what he did or said to me so I brought it up and he was shocked and remorseful...He has a serious drinking problem.

Everytime he's around his alcoholic father, he ends up giving into peer pressure. His dad is technically his boss at work too---his life is very enmeshed with his parents...always seeking their validation but I digress.

He's still an adult and should know better---which is frustrating. And I know addiction isn't easy either, it's tricky and hard. It just sucks to have to deal with the crap end of it...