Amazing opportunity for me (but it's on her birthday)

[IsleOfSong]

I'm a bit of a pop music history nerd, and I just found out that a good friend of mine (also really into music history) has arranged, through a friend of his, for us to take a private tour of a very famous recording studio in the area, one that's not open to the public. This is something we've talked about a few times recently, and I'm super excited to have the opportunity to tour the studio.

Naturally, my friend tells me that the tour has been arranged for next Saturday — which is also my PD wife's birthday.

My mind is immediately filled with dread — if I go on the tour, even for a few hours, my wife is going to make me pay for doing something for myself on "her" day. She will likely make cutting comments before and after, and generally undermine my enjoyment of this rare opportunity. If I decline because it's her birthday, I'll kick myself for missing out.

A couple of things right up front:

1) As the +1 of my friend, I don't feel comfortable asking them to reschedule the tour. As far as I'm concerned, this is our shot to tour the studio.
2) I can't bring my wife, nor would she want to go.

My gut instinct is to take the opportunity, and do my best to brush off the barbs. We can go out for a family birthday dinner that night after I get back from the tour. Nevertheless, I'm mad that, at this stage in my life, I choose to deal with this kind of pettiness and let it take up real estate in my mind.

[1footouttadefog]

If she was reasonable she would be happy for you and would want you to ha e this opportunity .

I don't know the details of your situation because I have not been regular in the forums of late.  I suspect however that if she is a PD person you will not male her happy if you decline the vosot and spend the day with her either.

I am guessing that you like most nonsense have given more and more in all areas of life trying to make things better and have sacrificed much over the years.  Maybe this once it's your turn. 

[IsleOfSong]

If she was reasonable she would be happy for you and would want you to ha e this opportunity .]

Over the weekend, when I finally told her about the opportunity I had, I shared my excitement while also acknowledging that unfortunately it was also going to happen on her birthday and I had no control over that fact.... she literally wandered away as I was telling her about it. I said, "Hey, I was still talking to you," and she stopped and sort of semi-listened after that. It was like I could see the gears of her mind spinning to find some way to respond in a way that expressed her displeasure without outright screaming at me over it.

[moglow]

Maybe part of her was refusing to have a confrontation over it, while the gears continued turning. OR she'd heard what she needed to hear and was done with it, until she's not. Her not choosing to address it right that minute doesn't mean it's been addressed, if that makes sense.

Make any birthday plans with her well outside [after!] this tour. Don't set it up where her celebration can cut into or delay the tour. Call me paranoid and I will answer but don't all sabotage to mess this up!

[IsleOfSong]

Make any birthday plans with her well outside [after!] this tour. Don't set it up where her celebration can cut into or delay the tour. Call me paranoid and I will answer but don't all sabotage to mess this up!

Oh, don't I know it. The tour is midday; birthday dinner is late (8:30 p.m.). Doesn't mean she won't try and blow up my phone with some "crisis" to sabotage the enjoyment of my tour while I'm on it. That's what the old "Do Not Disturb" setting is for.