Projection again

[11JB68]

I keep coming back to projection, and I think it really helps me to understand that it's him not me.
A big one that somehow I really just had sort of a lightbulb about is Updh often complaining that I spoil ds, that I always want to do whatever is easiest for ds etc.
First, this is mostly bs.
Second, it is utter projection. The reality is that Updh needs everything his way ask the time and everything needs to be for his convenience. And it is mostly my responsibility to carry this out.
So many many 'little' things that just add up to me constantly needing to accommodate him so that his life is not difficult.

[Boat Babe]

I find projection to be so unsettling and deeply disordered. It totally does my head in.

[SparkStillLit]

Now that this new thing is going on, I see this in my own life. SO MANY WAYS. It's as if I was just *constantly* rolling out the rug, and it is an unbelievably, scarily ingrained habit. I do it without THINKING. I did it about moving some freaking outdoor cushions on a gosh darn chair for crying out loud! It really gave me pause.

[SonofThunder]

I personally believe that projection, by itself, is incomplete as a standalone term, for it is a description of the action of the PD, in which we experience, yet it does not define the reasoning behind the action. 

11JB68, you wrote:  "complaining that I spoil ds, that I always want to do whatever is easiest for ds etc.".  You accurately decipher your husband's 'projection' onto you regarding the reality that it is HE that requires the spoiling; what is easiest, to satisfy HIS needs." 

The BS and anxiety/drama you actually experience is that he points a negative finger at you and your relationship with ds (projection of what he requires).  But, imo the reasoning behind why PD's project is threefold and projection is the third resulting action in the three.  I believe it ultimately begins with control, in order to soothe the PD's inner-child's dislike of themselves.  That births the need for the outside world to not see their self-loathing, therefore 'deception' is needed as a smokescreen to cover up that reality and it takes bullying-control to make that a reality.  Secondly it takes 'deflection' in the control move to divert the attention and blame to another person, other than the PD.  Lastly, once the players are all cast in their roles for the deceptive-deflection, the 'projection' occurs and the scene plays out on others, allowing the PD to hide behind the smokescreen drama they created, yet continue their neediness to feed that inner-child. 

I have three PD's in my relationship circles and they all do this, resulting in the anxiety filled drama of bullying projection, similar to what 11JB68 describes. 

Therefore, the trifecta is, in my opinion, 'deception, deflection, projection', all serving as a drama-feeding smokescreen of control to keep the PD pacified. 

SoT

[Hazy111]

Projection also supplies the PD/Narc with what they all require, Narc supply. Attention. God or bad.

[ploughthrough2021]

Oh my ! It feels so clear what has been happening to me reading stories on these Forums.  I had some couple therapies and individual ones and the therapist did not home in on the fact that she has PD.

[11JB68]

SOT.... WOW.
I love your whole concept and will need to re read it.
Sounds right to me.
Fortunately using mostly mc and avoiding JADE has reduced the drama quite a bit, and I don't allow myself to feel bullied quite so much. Now that I see the behavior for what it is I don't internalize it.