Keep getting the feeling he should have gone 5 years ago - feel awful

[p123]

Dad spends his entire life moaning, playing up, and generally being miserable.....
He has zero intention of getting on with things or making any effort - that much is obvious. He just wants to sit around and moan.

I just can't help thinking hes 5 years past his "best before" date now...... I feel awful for thinking this?

I worry about when he does finally go. I don't think I'll even be sad. To be honest, I feel I've had 10 years or mourning with Dad slowly dripping....
Is this normal? I feel so bad.

[Sneezy]

Is this normal? I feel so bad.

Yes, it's more normal than most people will admit.  My father died slowly from COPD and then finally sepsis.  I prayed for him to pass and be spared further pain.  Mental pain is no different.  If someone is so utterly miserable that they no longer find the tiniest joy in life, then passing is a blessing.

[1footouttadefog]

I have a dear friend in hospice at home.  He is miserable. He suffers greatly.  As much as I love him I feel his pain when he tells me he is ready to go as soon as the Lord will take him.  I will miss him much but cannot be selfish enough to pray he stays longer.

With my spouse his physical health is okay, I pray that he will not be her long enough to become a super awful person.  I don't want him to decline into some horrible state that dishonor who he was. 

It's not for me to choose, but I can harbor a preference quietly.

[SunnyMeadow]

Many of us feel the same way. I don't think I'll be sad when my mom dies. I mean, maybe for a short time but that should end quickly. Once I stop dealing with her and her issues, my life should feel so much more free and easy. She causes the most stress in my life so I think it's natural to want it to end.

I'm waiting for it to happen so I can let you all know! 

Sneezy said, mental pain is no different. I agree with this. My uNPD mother is filled with loathing and mental pain. I think it'll be a blessing for her to pass and be done with all that inner turmoil.

[Sneezy]

It's not for me to choose, but I can harbor a preference quietly.

That is a beautiful way to think about it.

[Pepin]

I went NC with NPD F years ago and literally got the bulk of my grieving out of the way.  I'm ready for him to go any time and I guarantee I won't feel anything but happiness.  This was a long enough time for things to change with him and they never did.

Regarding DPD MIL, since she is currently a part of my life through low contact, I am in angst.  I see her enough to know that she just isn't really living - and she knows this.  It is like she just exists.  Should she be in assisted living?  Absolutely.  She is overdue and all it is going to take is one slip and that is where she will go.  I think she is being very careful because she knows this...which is why she does just about nothing.  A few small meals a day followed by TV watching.  No walks, few trips out because she can't handle much and of course a barrage of doctor appointments - where they send her on her way with notes to follow and she chooses to do what she wants to do.  Cuts pills in half, stops taking medication when she thinks she feels better....and then feels worse again.  Denies herself self care but generally wears clean clothes.  IDK, staring out the window or staring at the TV and napping don't sound like living to me. 

Like you, I feel awful that in my view she just kind of takes of space.  But, it is of her own doing.  She has had choices and continues to have choices every single day.  But, she wants what she wants.  And because we can't give her what she wants, she just sits there.  The lesson here is to not end up like this.  While it is disheartening to see people treat themselves like this, there is really nothing that can be done.  Only they can do something and they won't.

[p123]

Thanks all.

Physically Dad is fine. Mentally he just seems to not be bothered. Wont make an effort with anything.
I think I'd rather go out before I ever get to this point.