Hi I'm new here, any advice appreciated

[Catterpillar_Soup]

Hi there,
I've been looking for a forum or something for help for a long time, so I'm glad I finally Out of the FOG.  I live in a country where mental health support is basically non-existent unless you have a lot of money. I did sign up for BetterHelp though, but the week in between sessions is long. Neither my husband nor my mother has been officially diagnosed with PD. However, as I am reading and piecing things together, I believe my husband at least has many Narcissistic traits and I have been dealing with abuse, mostly verbal and emotional, but sometimes physical for six years. As he has left for another country, I am trying to break my emotional dependence on him, but I find this excruciatingly hard to do.
I do not know if my mother has a PD, but I believe now that my early relationship with her, her screaming, being physically violent,  alternating between helicopter parenting, and showing no interest at all, normalized what would later become my relationship with my husband. I am paralyzed now, struggling to make my own decisions, take care of myself, and focus on work.  I fear I will completely implode and be unable to stand on my own feet.  Has somebody else managed to break this cycle? What did you do?

[xredshoesx]

i'm glad you are here with us cattrepillar_soup but i am so so sorry your relationship has deteriorated to the point where you need the understanding and support.  you mentioned that in your area it's hard to get the face to face support as well as sometimes things getting physical with your husband and i hope you are safe as you post and clear your browser/ history as an extra precaution.

i came online researching dif forums for help with a 'friend' i was overly enmeshed with.  i stayed because i was able to make that powerful connection between how my mother was when i was a child and the kind of men i was picking to allow in my life as an adult. for me, once i had that lightbulb moment i got myself into therapy whenever i heard my mother come out of my mouth or grown folks showed signs of treating me like she did when i was a child.  i did a lot of work on reparenting myself and started looking for healthier adult role models for better ideas on what a relationship could be like -and discussing these ideals when i was in my therapy.  probably the biggest thing after getting outside help was learning to set and maintain boundaries and mean NO when i say no.  i'm a work in progress, but the progress has brought me SO FAR from where i was.   

you've taken a GIANT step forward.  be gentle with yourself today and know that this is the first of many.  as for resources. telehealth is HUGE here right now- maybe the internets can help you find someone to talk to outside of the physical boundaries of where you are  that can both get you in sooner and lessen the financial cost of therapy.  i went through the social work deparment of an area college to get free sessions, sometimes that's an option folks aren't aware of.

hope to see more of you on the boards soon-

[Starboard Song]

I do not know if my mother has a PD, but I believe now that my early relationship with her, her screaming, being physically violent,  alternating between helicopter parenting, and showing no interest at all, normalized what would later become my relationship with my husband. I am paralyzed now, struggling to make my own decisions, take care of myself, and focus on work.  I fear I will completely implode and be unable to stand on my own feet.  Has somebody else managed to break this cycle? What did you do?

I believe you break the cycle in two broad ways:

• You develop a new sense of normal, likely through self-care and healing
• You practice new, healthier tactics for addressing interpersonal issues

The books in the top line of my signature are all about self-care. They are the ones my wife found most helpful in her own journey and I recommend them to you. Our Toolbox is full of tactics, particularly in the What to Do section.

I am glad you found us and I wish you so much good strength.

[Catterpillar_Soup]

Thank you so much @Starboard Song and @xredshoesx. Your answers were so kind. It helps knowing there are other people out there. Thank you