Birthday alone- how to celebrate?

[Hattie]

Hi gang,

So I have a "big" birthday coming up I have organised a party at my house for the following Saturday, which should be fun. It is starting to look like I will be spending my actual birthday alone however. I don't like to ask to meet my friends, when they are coming to my house party a few days later. Nor do I want to meet the new guy I'm dating, although he seems great, as it feels like a bit too much too soon (we are only on our second date).

Now that I'm LC with my FOO, I'm finding myself alone more often. It is somewhat confronting, and leaves me feeling lonely and uncontained.

Not quite sure what I want to do on my birthday... perhaps go for an outdoor swim and volunteer at the local community garden. Just wondering if others have been in the same position and what you did for a solo celebration?

[JollyJazz]

Hi Hattie!!

Happy birthday!!!
It's great you are having a birthday party. Maybe you could make it a birthday week. If you wanted maybe you could do a bunch of self care, go to the spa, a nice restaurant on your actual birthday, perhaps?
Anyway, I hope you have a great time, whatever you choose to do 😊👍

[MarlenaEve]

Hi.

I have been in this situation many times. I spent my birthdays alone and had a lot of fun. Two of my bdays were spent in London visiting things, sitting in cafes and eating expensive cakes. It was amazing.

Do what feels good to you. Don't think of what others would expect you to do (society, family of origin, etc) and try to please yourself and only you on this day. It may not be easy but try it out.

[Hattie]

These are brilliant ideas, ladies! Thanks so much!

I think the ideas I had come up with for my birthday were a little too ordinary... things that I like doing in a normal week, but maybe not special enough for a celebration. I guess it is hard to treat myself after much indoctrination not to do so!

JollyJazz- I love the idea of going to a spa! That sounds really relaxing. I have been really missing ordinary physical contact during the pandemic, so a massage would be really luxurious. It also sounds quite "contained" as the activities are quite defined, and you'd have specific appointments with the masseuse etc. Sometimes I feel a bit lost going places on my own, but that sounds very manageable.

MarlenaEve- I live a short train ride from London and had already wondered about doing something like this! I'm not sure if I feel confident enough yet with covid... just had my second jab a couple of weeks ago and am only now venturing out into crowded places more often. But I like the idea of going to a gallery or something, and visiting a cafe. So nice to hear that your experiences of doing that were so positive.

I also looked up some ideas online and one suggestion was to buy yourself a birthday present. I hadn't considered that, but maybe I will do that too.   

[JollyJazz]

Awesome Hattie!!! I think the main thing is just to shower yourself with love and pamper yourself!!! It's awesome that you are doing that!

I totally agree with you - this can feel strange after years of messages that we aren't important but it's so good and healthy to put ourselves first sometimes. Especially in our special day. It's great that you are doing this. Hope you had a lovely time!!! 

[Hattie]

So in the end I actually followed through on your suggestion, JollyJazz, and went to the spa. Thanks for the idea!

It was very relaxing and luxurious. I booked an appointment early in the day, which was good, as I had to get up and go, and didn't have time to mope. I did feel quite woozy after getting a massage (but apparently that is a sign you need to get a massage more often, lol). I then looked around an art trail in my town, and went home and ate a chocolate meringue with freshly picked blackberries.

Then 2 days later,I had a party with 20 of my friends! We had some live music, and then a silent disco in my garden(with the music broadcast through headphones, for the uninitiated).

So all in all, it went pretty well. I think my preference is so to celebrate in company where possible, but I now feel more confident about doing it solo again, if I need to.

[JollyJazz]

Yay!!! That sounds awesome Hattie!! I'm do glad that you took car of yourself in this way on your birthday!! And had a nice celebration with your friends!!! Wonderful!! 

[Sheppane]

Happy birthday!!

I've done this too. I find " birthday" a bit triggering so personally I call it " self love / pamper day ".

Nice breakfast,  take myself out for lunch , buy myself something nice as a present , maybe meet a friend, hot bath when home , watch a movie and scented candle. Your day ! Enjoy !

[1footouttadefog]

Something for you. What ever that may be. You matter.

Then after that if you feel quilty or selfish, you can always go home and be all empathic, people easing and codependent and bake something  or order things and make goody bags for the party, LOL.

I know some of you would want to, you know who you are, I have been on this forum long enough to know.  Gotta love Out of the FOG.

[Call Me Cordelia]

Happy belated birthday, Hattie! I'm chuffed to read about how you honored yourself and your lovely relationships you've built on this earth.