Overcoming MAJOR fears step-by-step

[MarlenaEve]

Hi all.

So happy to post here and to tell you that I took major steps in overcoming the debilitating fears that I have. I thought about these fears for a while and realized, to my disbelief that going NC is the biggest and hardest fear to get over.

Today I took my vaccine shot and it took me more than a month of encouraging myself to do it, despite everyone's disapproval in my FOO. Doing this made me realize something huge: fear is mostly made up in your mind (that's what the nurse told me today ha ha) and we spend years fearing something when, in reality, that something might be the most harmless thing in the world.

Now back to NC. I spent years debating whether I should go NC. I finally did go NC in 2016 and, unfortunately, my fears came true. It was indeed. the most challenging and horrifying time of my life (although very peaceful and nice) because of the immense guilt and shame instilled in me by my NM.

However, if one can overcome a challenging fear, I am sure the NC fear can also be overcome-on a step-by-step approach.
I usually journal about my fears and I do it mostly before taking the action to face the fear.

Therefore, I am sure NC fear can also be approached slowly, through journaling and inner work regarding guilt and shame.
I feel after so much journaling regarding why I should go NC and why I shouldn't even doubt my decision, everything makes more sense to me now.

There is NOTHING for me to lose if I go NC. Nothing. Me and NPs have NO relationship. We don't talk, don't laugh, don't advise each other. They don't ask me how I am, really there is nothing to let go of. The only thing we have is a birth certificate that says I am their daughter.

Also, the worst thing is: this superficial, one-way relationship makes perfect sense to them. They enjoy how cold everyone is with each other in the family, they enjoy not having warmth and care in the family. They enjoy being there with their body not with their soul. They even enjoy abusing each other. (actually, they equate abuse with care, attention, and love) Coming to this conclusion makes me realize how REASONABLE it is for me to choose the NC route. If I had the same cold relationship with a friend, would I invite them over for dinner, would I tell them my personal issues, we'd we be close? No, I think we'd be history.

My point is, if you have this fear of NC, you can approach it step by step. Do some journaling and expect long hours of it (the subconscious mind has all these defenses built up so you will have to push through them) I believe we can overcome any obstacle through journaling.

Hope this post helps someone.

[Hattie]

Congrats on getting your covid shot! That's brilliant! Pleased to hear it inspired you with regards to NC also

[Lookin 2 B Free]

    I never thought I could do NC with my ex . . . fear, obligation, guilt.   It wasn't easy to come to. It wasn't easy to keep.  I missed him, remembered the good times (basically repeated love bombing throughout our relationship).  But now my life is going in a good direction, a healing & healthy direction which includes room for a lot of personal growth.  That's true even in the hardest times.  Had I stayed with him it would be the exact opposite.  Had I stayed even LC, I couldn't have accomplished near this much growth.

Thanks for sharing your success and inspiration.  If you ever feel wobbly, we'll be here for you.  And thank you for being here for us!

[Boat Babe]

 

I think you're doing amazing work on yourself MarlenaEve. Your progress and personal growth and healing is moving in the right direction.

Remember that recovery can sometimes be a wobbly affair and that old shit may bite you on the bum occasionally, but that this never lasts and that you will continue to grow and blossom.

Thanks for sharing.