I didn't JADE!

Started by Bunnyme, August 24, 2021, 07:33:56 PM

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Bunnyme

August 24, 2021, 07:33:56 PM Last Edit: August 24, 2021, 08:07:17 PM by Bunnyme
I have had such a crappy run of things lately, but they are slowly turning around.  I am proud of myself today.  Stbx has supervised visitation.  He stopped by to drop something off last weekend, and now he suggested maybe he watch a movie with the kids at my house for his visit (so I'd supervise), all put in a way that sounded like it was for my convenience.  I wrote and rewrote a reply about why I didnt want him here.  Then I deleted it all and just wrote "coming to my house wont work for me."  That's it.  No explanation.  No excuses. 
I know this sounds dumb to be excited about, but it is HUGE for me!  It is so much easier said than done.  I've been practicing with other people and finally did it with him

Sapling

#1
August 24, 2021, 07:38:35 PM
Well done Bunnyme  :applause:

As a long-time JADEr I can see why this seemingly small victory was huge! It's definitely worth celebrating and it does not sound dumb at all to be excited about it. I'm excited for you :) Here's to your future of laying down boundaries without feeling you owe explanations. Glad to hear things are slowly turning around for you. Keep at it!

square

#2
August 24, 2021, 08:31:39 PM
No, I get it. It's like a whole new paradigm.

11JB68

#3
August 24, 2021, 08:34:18 PM
 :woot:

SonofThunder

#4
August 25, 2021, 05:55:22 AM
Bunny me, a big congratulations to you on the victory of noJADE!   We become so entrenched in our past ways of JADEing, which is what PD's desire so they have multiple ways of tearing us down and building themselves up, that responding so simply, in a noJADE way is just odd, but so effective.  Again great job on the noJADE!   It WILL get easier and more second-nature each time.  Experiencing the results of its effectiveness is such a boost of encouragement to ourselves. 

SoT
Proverbs 17:1
A meal of bread and water in peace is better than a banquet spiced with quarrels.

2 Timothy 1:7
For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

Proverbs 29:11
A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.

losingmyself

#5
August 25, 2021, 08:11:41 AM
 :applause: :applause:
Totally totally understand your victory, as many here do!
Good for you, and many more boundary moments to come!
I think they get easier as you use them!
Being proud of yourself is something that for most of us has been taken away, so go for it, be proud and hold your head up high. You deserve it

Sheppane

#6
August 25, 2021, 09:12:00 AM
Yes ! Love these victories ! I get it too :)

I love the phrasing " won't work for me " . Clean and simple. No more needed.

Huge congrats 👏
It can be so hard sometimes changing these patterns. Well done.

Wilderhearts

#8
September 05, 2021, 02:14:31 PM
WOOOOOO!  Breaking those patterns is a HUGE success in my books!
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