Over analysing

[escapingman]

This is something that starts bugging me. Since I got Out of the FOG and realised my STBX is a PD I have been going through my entire life and tried to analyse if any people in the past would have been PD. Now it's starting to seriously affect me in the way I am looking at the behaviour on EVERY person I meet and try to find out if they could be a PD or not. I even look at people passing on the street and my first thought is, could he/she be a PD? This can not be healthy and I am worried I never trust anyone again. Will this go away? Is this just a phase during escape? 

[Associate of Daniel]

I think it's normal for people in our situation.  It's part of the process and a form of self protection.

It fades after a while but you'll always be "on guard".

AOD

[SonofThunder]

I think it's normal for people in our situation.  It's part of the process and a form of self protection.

It fades after a while but you'll always be "on guard".

AOD

I do it as well.  Thankful i now have the education and in a way, experience to solidify it as fact , but wish i had it much earlier.  Plus, there's a good chance that X% of people you have in your past and randomly on the street, are in fact PD's.  Use your new knowledge-superpower wisely going forward and enjoy! 

SoT

[Lauren17]

I think of it as the Ford principle. If you buy a new Ford, you suddenly start seeing Fords everywhere! And you think, I had no idea how many people had a car just like mine!
It's because you're very focused on this right now. I think it's pretty normal. And it does fade, ime.

[pianissimo]

I did that too.  I watched lots of YouTube videos by psychotherapists and psychologists and found out there are other other ways that explain what I experienced. This helped a lot. I think once you start seeing what's wrong, it's hard to unsee it. It doesn't help that PD behavioural traits can be displayed by people with other mental illnesses too.

[1footouttadefog]

I call it seeing PD under every rock and around every corner.

I thi k most of us experience after/during coming Out of the FOG.  Once your eyes are open you see the behaviors everywhere.

We should trust our instincts for our own protection, but at the same time we should not be too quick to paint everyone with a broad brush.

I think that most folks will fall I to pd type behaviors from time to time even though they arw overall normal people.

I use some of the red flags as a warning to slow down, step back and Re evaluate things.  I try not to let others know my suspicions and remain polite and cordial in most cases.  However there are times when the red flag is so present and the gut response so strong I do an about face.

Again trust instincts.


Stay safe, stay strong.

 

[Andeza]

A single red flag gets my attention, puts me on my toes, and makes me keep my eyes open for further PD behaviors. A second red flag tells me not to let the person into my life any further, and instead hold them at arm's length until I know more.

Then I look for patterns of behavior. A single incident may be quite unfair to use as judgement, but if someone does the same thing over and over... Then we've got a problem.

[Jolie40]

this past pandemic year, look at  all the fights on airlines, rise in crime, kids having mental breakdowns, etc

whether it's people with PD's, mental issues, abusive tendencies, there are a lot of people who could use counseling

police have been called to our street numerous times for domestic violence for former neighbors & now current neighbors

there's a lot going on.....in many homes

[1footouttadefog]

Jollie40 brings up a good point. There is always t going on that is negative. 

We all need to have the validation that this stuff is real and present in the offline world.  It's not just us in an enclosed sandbox online.

I also think that when looking back at past and what remains of our relationships post dog, we will see a higher percentage of pds. 

While in the fog we did not see them as clearly and we're more tolerant of abusive folks in our lives.  Going forward we will not allow them to get as close to us and will be less apt to become vulnerable.

[Sapling]

Hi escapingman,

I think many of us on here have gone through seeing PDs everywhere once we cottoned onto the symptomatic PD traits/behaviors and began come Out of the FOG. I think with time what happens is that you focus less on the PDs and more of strengthening your ability to set boundaries with PDs and nons alike and work on the personal stuff that might have primed you or left you vulnerable to PDs in the first place. But yes, you will trust again  Only next time you'll be more equipped to filter out the PDs you come across in your life.

[Simon]

Yep.
Add me to that list.
I think we all go through it, and it's natural.
It does fade.

When I met my current gf after the abusive relationship, I was on high alert for any red flags.
But I was also very careful not to over-react, and not confuse genuine interest for a PD trait.
For instance, after our first date, she wanted to see me the next day for another date.
That could be seen as a red flag, but I decided to believe that she was telling the truth that she was working the rest of the week, and it was the only time she had available. Plus, she seemed to enjoy our date, and her wanting to see me again was nice.
I thought I'd see how it played out, and sure enough, she worked the rest of the week, we talked a few times on the phone in that time, and saw each other at the weekend.

I could have had a knee-jerk reaction and ended it with that red flag, but I was sensible enough to wait and see if there were other red flags, and thankfully there weren't.

The lessons I learned going through my vile, abusive relationship with my BPD ex gf are a godsend.
I have stronger boundaries, people have to earn my respect, rather than me just trying to please everyone, and I am determined not to allow my experience with my ex affect me in a negative way, ever.

And yes, I too have seen others in a different light.
I have cut a few "friends" out of my life because I could see that they were not good for me.

Your hypervigilance will fade, you'll find a happy medium, and you'll feel good.
In fact, you'll feel better than ever.