Newbie hoping foradvice please

[rustynails]

Hi, I have just come out of a 14 year relationship with a female sociapath/nacasistic women. Reflecting back its been a nitemare of lies deceipt manipluation devaluing from the start of the relationship which even started with lies about her age (she actually added 3 years as i was 10 years older than her)and owning a house which she didn t she was on housing benefit at the time. She is pritty outgoing and confident and uses this get what she wants.
Im an empath type person and felt for her loved her and wanted to bond and connect, I was badly mentally abused over the years, last 2 years were horrendous with her disappearing acts, glued to phone socail media, having many male friends all with status and money i might add.
I have moved on and am no contact, i am strong and trying to heal but cannot stop looking back, i can t concentrate on myself work etc, i feel lonely upset and wondered if there is something to help that i can read to move forward and stop thinking of her and the past abuse
Thank you

[Penny Lane]

Hi rustynails and welcome! I'm glad you found us, it sounds like you've been through the wringer.

Like any relationship, a lot of your healing will come with time.

Unlike the end of healthy relationships, you probably will have some additional healing to do. Both coming to terms with how she treated you and also perhaps unlearning toxic patterns that you learned over the course of the relationship. These things are not easy; if you are able, I recommend working with a therapist to do so.

One book that might help is "Divorcing a Narcissist," although it's been awhile so I forget if it is more focused on the legal side of divorce vs the emotional recovery.

I bet the folks on the separating and divorcing board will have good stuff to add; I hope to see you around there!