Please help me not lose it

Justanotherlostgirl1 · November 17, 2021, 09:44:41 PM

Hi guys,

So long story short, I deleted my account here after freaking out a bit, but I'm still here lurking.

I'm leaving in 7 days and it is taking ALL of my willpower not to break down, everything is very stressful.

Anybody have some tips or ideas? I don't really have time for meditation or self reflection. I ended my therapy as I'm leaving.

I'm crying and I don't even know why really. Maybe I just need your support or someone to talk to.

Thanks guys. You've been so helpful ❤️

PlantFlowersNotWeeds · November 17, 2021, 09:53:35 PM

Glad you reached out. In CT we have a hotline to talk to someone....Find one and maybe call? Your post seems like you need more support than this site can give you in this moment.

Be well...sending you strength

square · November 17, 2021, 10:04:06 PM

Hi hon,

I wish I could just come pluck you right out of the whole thing.

Do you want to share your thoughts, bounce them off us?

Justanotherlostgirl1 · November 17, 2021, 10:10:43 PM

Quote from: PlantFlowersNotWeeds on November 17, 2021, 09:53:35 PM
Glad you reached out. In CT we have a hotline to talk to someone....Find one and maybe call? Your post seems like you need more support than this site can give you in this moment.

Be well...sending you strength

I live in a foreign country, so that's not possible. This site has been so helpful for me. Just being able to talk to people who understand has been great. I am just very paranoid in the days leading up to me leaving is all. There is a lot to process.

Justanotherlostgirl1 · November 17, 2021, 10:15:11 PM

Quote from: square on November 17, 2021, 10:04:06 PM
Hi hon,

I wish I could just come pluck you right out of the whole thing.

Do you want to share your thoughts, bounce them off us?

I'm not sure if you remember the situation? It's only been a few weeks so hopefully so! 🤣

My uPDH is here all the time and just acting like everything is fine. I guess the stress is getting to me and I'm finding it very hard to pretend everything is great and amazing. He's being so kind atm and it kills me inside because all I can think about is the things he has done. The manipulation, gaslighting and lies don't work on my anymore and I find it so difficult and mentally draining to have to spend time with someone I KNOW is not who he pretends to be.

I'm just so freaking tired. Wish I could sleep for a hundred years. I guess I'm just looking for you all to tell me I'm not going nuts, and these feelings are valid. I know they are but I just need other people to understand it, if that makes sense.

square · November 17, 2021, 10:45:55 PM

Yes, I remember.

You're not crazy. It's mind bending when people act like that. Absolutely mind bending.

You have a good plan.

If you worry about posting your thoughts here, you can journal privately elsewhere. One option is to simply PM yourself here.

My situation is different but I have absolutely thought sometimes my mind was breaking. It's painful. I think the absolute best thing to do is what you just did - reach out to other people. Humans base their perceptions of reality partly on other people - it's part of being a social animal. This is usually a feature not a bug. But some people can break this - isolation is required to make it really break.

square · November 17, 2021, 10:50:37 PM

Also it may be a comfort to you to check out a thread in the Religious section - whether you are religious or not, many people are pulling for you.

notrightinthehead · November 18, 2021, 02:08:22 AM

The best you can do at this time is to keep your mind on the goal. You want to get out. Until you have achieved that goal, you will keep it together. When times were really hard for me in my marriage and I knew that I would get a break by travelling on my own in a short while, I just kept on telling me, In so many weeks I will be out of here.
The fact that he is very kind at the moment is a bonus. You might as well enjoy it while keeping your goal in mind. Fact is, you seem to have lost your trust in him. It's hard to relax with a person we don't trust. But if you keep on counting the days until you are out, everything will be easier to endure.

Justanotherlostgirl1 · November 18, 2021, 02:53:31 AM

Quote from: notrightinthehead on November 18, 2021, 02:08:22 AM
The best you can do at this time is to keep your mind on the goal. You want to get out. Until you have achieved that goal, you will keep it together. When times were really hard for me in my marriage and I knew that I would get a break by travelling on my own in a short while, I just kept on telling me, In so many weeks I will be out of here.
The fact that he is very kind at the moment is a bonus. You might as well enjoy it while keeping your goal in mind. Fact is, you seem to have lost your trust in him. It's hard to relax with a person we don't trust. But if you keep on counting the days until you are out, everything will be easier to endure.

Thank you this is exactly what I needed to hear ❤️

BeautifulCrazy · November 18, 2021, 11:51:44 PM

JALG1,
Hang in there dear one!!
You are so, SO strong!
You are doing exactly what you need to do.
You are not going nuts, even if it feels that way!
You are doing what is right.
You are doing what is best for yourself and your child.
Do not waver!
You have come so far!!
You are nearly there!!
You are going to build a beautiful life.

I remember going through this very thing.... This IS very stressful and difficult for you right now!! It is no wonder if you feel worn down, exhausted, weepy, sensitive, or questioning yourself.

Believe me, you will get through this! You will!!

Let me also remind you, that you are resourceful and clever and courageous.
You are a capable person and a wonderful parent.

You are going to survive this and you are going to come out the other side and go on to thriving.
In the meantime, remember to breathe deeply. Very deeply and slowly. And to take the best care of yourself that you possibly can. (I know it may be difficult!)

I am praying for safety and strength for you and so many blessings showering down upon you!!

You are nearly there!!

Justanotherlostgirl1 · November 19, 2021, 04:44:36 AM

Quote from: BeautifulCrazy on November 18, 2021, 11:51:44 PM
JALG1,
Hang in there dear one!!
You are so, SO strong!
You are doing exactly what you need to do.
You are not going nuts, even if it feels that way!
You are doing what is right.
You are doing what is best for yourself and your child.
Do not waver!
You have come so far!!
You are nearly there!!
You are going to build a beautiful life.

I remember going through this very thing.... This IS very stressful and difficult for you right now!! It is no wonder if you feel worn down, exhausted, weepy, sensitive, or questioning yourself.

Believe me, you will get through this! You will!!

Let me also remind you, that you are resourceful and clever and courageous.
You are a capable person and a wonderful parent.

You are going to survive this and you are going to come out the other side and go on to thriving.
In the meantime, remember to breathe deeply. Very deeply and slowly. And to take the best care of yourself that you possibly can. (I know it may be difficult!)

I am praying for safety and strength for you and so many blessings showering down upon you!!

You are nearly there!!

Thank you beautiful,

I feel so much love from you guys ❤️ My mind is made up 100%, and I will leave and I will move on and get over this.

He continues to create unnecessary drama, saying he broke up with his girlfriend, he wants us to be back as we were. He told his family he doesn't know how to apologize

It just never ends this IDD cycle. I thought I was on the final discard, but suddenly he has broken up with his girlfriend - which tbh was my biggest fear. Now all his attention is on me and I am scared not to return his affection for fear of letting him know my true feelings. At the same time being near him repulses me. It's very tough and stressful but your right, I will get through it!

escapingman · November 19, 2021, 06:59:04 AM

Quote from: Justanotherlostgirl1 on November 19, 2021, 04:44:36 AM
It just never ends this IDD cycle. I thought I was on the final discard, but suddenly he has broken up with his girlfriend - which tbh was my biggest fear. Now all his attention is on me and I am scared not to return his affection for fear of letting him know my true feelings. At the same time being near him repulses me. It's very tough and stressful but your right, I will get through it!

It is really hard when they suddenly decides to idealize you again, you just know it is fake and as soon as you let your guard down the punch will come. My stbx has decided all is OK now and despite me never saying it is she acts like the divorce is not happening and we can start planning Christmas and holidays. She wants to move back into the bedroom (she left it about 3 years ago) and thinks all will go back to a normal that never existed. When I remind her that nothing has changed from my side she gets agitated and pretends she doesn't understand. At the moments I am playing along as she isn't turning the kids against me at the moment, I see this as my chance to get closer to GC before she moves into the Devalue and turn the kids aginst me again. I have already told her that when that happens the divorce papers will go in, she is not happy with that as she knows she can't stay in Idealize for long enough for me to change my mind.

Stay strong JALG, I know how hard it is!

Justanotherlostgirl1 · November 19, 2021, 08:26:49 PM

Quote from: escapingman on November 19, 2021, 06:59:04 AM
Quote from: Justanotherlostgirl1 on November 19, 2021, 04:44:36 AM
It just never ends this IDD cycle. I thought I was on the final discard, but suddenly he has broken up with his girlfriend - which tbh was my biggest fear. Now all his attention is on me and I am scared not to return his affection for fear of letting him know my true feelings. At the same time being near him repulses me. It's very tough and stressful but your right, I will get through it!
It is really hard when they suddenly decides to idealize you again, you just know it is fake and as soon as you let your guard down the punch will come. My stbx has decided all is OK now and despite me never saying it is she acts like the divorce is not happening and we can start planning Christmas and holidays. She wants to move back into the bedroom (she left it about 3 years ago) and thinks all will go back to a normal that never existed. When I remind her that nothing has changed from my side she gets agitated and pretends she doesn't understand. At the moments I am playing along as she isn't turning the kids against me at the moment, I see this as my chance to get closer to GC before she moves into the Devalue and turn the kids aginst me again. I have already told her that when that happens the divorce papers will go in, she is not happy with that as she knows she can't stay in Idealize for long enough for me to change my mind.

Stay strong JALG, I know how hard it is!

Thanks em,

It's so hard to pretend isn't it? I really feel for you, your situation is so difficult. Staying and pretending I think is the hardest part in all of this, but in the end I hope it will be worth it for both of us. It's so exhausting and there are days I feel like I can't do it anymore, hence this post. But we can do it, we've already been through so much. It is just very tiring.

After telling him stepmom that he wants his to stay together, he is already back at his gf's and didn't come home. Seems he didn't change his mind, nor did he even break up with her.

Stepmom is surprised. I'm not I was just very worried that without his distraction, he was going to make my life awful. It appears that isn't the case, so I breathe a sigh of relief for now.

Lucky for me, PD's words and actions never match. Unfortunately that is unlucky for you, as yours seems very set on you NOT leaving. Stay strong, it is a long and difficult slog, but we can do it!

Gettintired76 · November 27, 2021, 01:33:54 AM

Hey JALG1 hang tough honey, I like EM and everybody else here know your pain and yes it is so so mind bending, especially when children are involved, I'm on the break up already gone end but it still hasn't stopped because of my 3 kids. But anyway this thread is about you right? Honey you are def doing the right thing for yourself as well as your child, I waited 15 yrs I'm afraid to long and saw and continue to see the damage it did. Hold fast, stay the course, the gales will be strong for a while I won't lie, but the storm will pass and the sun will be shining bright on your face again as you set your sail for a new land of YOUR choosing. God bless and stay safe.