This dream took my breath away

[Pepin]

The other morning hard rain woke me out of a great (but kinda of sad) and utterly vivid dream.  I think my subconscious was trying to tell me something: that I deserve better.  I essentially dreamed that there was a man (looked familiar but couldn't identify) out there for me that actually wanted to stand with me in solidarity - and that he had healthy boundaries with his mother.  It was almost like he could sense that I was this damaged emotionally abused soul that was dead inside.  And he wrapped his arms around me in protection.   

Next, the man in the dream's mother took my hands and warmly asked if I knew how to cook and I said, yes.  And she replied that she was so happy and couldn't wait to try whatever it was that I would make and she hugged me.  No one has ever been excited for me to cook.  DPDmil has always tried to upstage me when DH and I host - because I do generally all of the preparing and cooking.  I dread hosting her.  And yeah, ugh, Thanksgiving is coming up.  Another dinner with her.  Great food, unsavory guest.

*sigh* My ENTIRE life I have been let down by significant familial elders.  What I would give to have had good parents and good inlaws!  What must that feel like?  I am really crushed by the realization that I have missed out terribly.  I had wonderful aunts, uncles and neighbors - who have all passed away now - and they were so kind and encouraging to me.  They let me be me and they liked me.  They only played small roles in my life but were massively significant.  I wish I could have had more of that kind of interaction with the people closer to me.

Now I look towards the future in hopes that when my own children get married, that the parents of their spouses will be GOOD people that actually have no self serving agenda and they like including me in their lives.  This is all I ask.  While I have made some very good friends, I just want a chance to know what it feels like to have some good extended family around me.  I hope this isn't too much of a fantasy.  I am certain that some people just have it this good with no worries and that is what I want.  Someone must be living this dream and I want it.  I am deflated that my DH has been unable to continue being the man he presented to me at the beginning; and I am sad that his mother has tried so hard over these *many* years to create difficulty for us and that DH struggles with boundaries.  I am just so tired of her in my life even if I hardly see her anymore.  It is still too overwhelming knowing how much she can't stand me.

[square]

Yeah. Damn. I felt some emotion reading your dream.

Sometimes my mind, out of nowhere, produces a sensation of a totally unknown generic person hugging me.