Poor sense of time?

[Cat of the Canals]

So when my PDmil and her husband were here in September, my husband and I were all geared up for a lot of dramatics over the holidays. We were off the hook previously because of the pandemic, but MIL has made it clear that she keeps a running tab of when people come to visit and when they don't, and she is "owed" a certain number (plus she's been extra waify since BIL died). We fully expected her to invite us, and when we declined, have a big ol' guilt-tripping meltdown. But the visit came and went without a single mention. I was shocked. And then October came and went without a mention. And we were both shocked.

Last night my husband called her up. What does she say? "I just realized Thanksgiving is next week. Do you think you'll come?" 

We live 2500 miles away, and she thinks we're just going to hop on a plane at the last minute during one of the busiest travel weeks of the year?

My husband thinks she was being so single-minded about the visit here that she couldn't think of anything beyond that. Likewise, she's so single-minded right now about Thanksgiving that she didn't ask about Christmas. She'll probably wait until December 20th to ask about that. 

Oh, and the cherry on top: she threw in a classic BPD tactic and asked if we'll "ever come for Thanksgiving?" If you answer no, you're saying "never" and they get to throw a fit. If you say yes, then all you're hear for the rest of your life is, "BUT YOU SAID YOU'D COME!" Gotta love that black and white thinking.

Husband tried to give her credit for being "reasonable." I reminded him that she is known to appear reasonable in the moment but then throw it in your face later. If they have a falling out in six months, you can bet she'll be screaming "and you didn't even come home for the holidays!"

[square]

Ugh, I get itchy at any mention of "MIL" and "Christmas." I got my first text for the year inquiring what H's plans are. "Dunno" was my answer. I am gonna fight hard to stay out of this. Unfortunately my "dunno" answer already backfired - H didn't tell me but was apparently thinking of telling her he was going to my mom's with me. So "dunno" kind of put a crimp in that. Oh well, still his problem.

But I get what you're saying, it's bizarre that she would have the slghtest hope that you even could, much less would, make that level of plans at this late date. Gee whiz, you might even already have the turkey, kwim?

Yeah, about the sequencing thing, I do see a deficit. Like if I'm goving him driving directions, it can only be the very next item. Let's say we're stopped at a red light turning left. I can't tell him "ok, after you turn left, there's going to be a white church on the right, turn right on the street after that." No, we have to complete the left turn first or he'll get confused and thus angry.