DH’s response to our illnesses and finances

[Dinah-sore]

Can you help me understand something. I have posted before that my kids are sick with a serious disease. They have been improving so much. But it has been expensive with medical bills. However, my DH had kind of gotten out of paying for them, by doing nothing. My parents pay about 80% of our monthly medical bills. But I am also sick, I have some autoimmune issues for the last half of my life and I think the stress of life has recently made that worse, but now I have been diagnosed with two more serious illnesses/diseases. It is overwhelming. However, they are treatable which is good news, but if I don't treat them they can be life threatening. I feel so guilty for needing treatment. Because this costs money. It is expensive right now, but won't be as expensive later. Hopefully.

Now I know his salary is not enough to cover the medical bills, and I can't work at the moment but I plan to be working again in the next few years, once my kids are fully healed and I am physically capable. I am not upset that we are poor at the moment. I live within my means. I don't spend frivolously, and I don't even have clothes that fit. It is okay.

I just want to treat my illness before it gets dangerous.

Here is the thing, he got inheritance money about ten years ago, quite a bit. And he invested it without any discussion with me, in a house he would use as a rental property. Cool. Whatever.

He has some of his friends living there now. This is the deal though. They are paying over one thousand dollars a MONTH UNDER what the house should be rented for.  For example, they are paying 1700 a month. In our area you can't even get a studio apartment in an area with higher crime for that much, let alone a house. The rent could be raised even be higher than that thousand because even if we charged 2700 a month, crappier houses are listed on the rental sites for much more. I think because there aren't a lot of place's available so people are competing. I don't even want to overcharge. But we could use that money. He said he can't raise it, because they can't afford it. Even if he raises it, it will still be cheaper than a two bedroom apartment, and it is four bedrooms a garage a huge beautiful backyard, a gardener that we pay for. Etc. For our area it would still be very reasonable. He told me in May that he would raise the rent 200 dollars a month. He never did.

Also, I asked him back then if he could sell it. My kids are looking at needing a very expensive procedure that can cost up to 12,000 dollars. And we have the money, it is just tied up in that house. He won't raise the rent, he won't sell it, he said he is thinking of refinancing, but if he doesn't raise the rent we have even less money each month.

It is weird because he won't talk to me about it. He says he is thinking and working on refinancing, but he isn't.

That money could go to paying my medical bills, so my mom doesn't have to pay them at almost seventy years old working part time from home.

I feel so guilty, I feel like a burden. I am pretty impacted by this disease at the moment; like I am actually suffering quiet a bit. 

Am I being selfish though? I feel so selfish. Like i am ruining his dream of having this property, his inheritance (which has grown as equity increased, but it is locked up). So he HAS the money, he just doesn't want to spend it on us.

Is that normal? I feel like I don't understand that because when my kids are sick I will do anything to get them well. I can't bear watching them suffer. I have given up many luxuries this year like the random pedicure, new clothes, hair appointments, our dishwasher broke earlier this year and we haven't replaced it. So I am making due without things I was used to, and I am happy because my kids are healing and that is what matters. But he doesn't go without. He just ordered this really expensive underwear from this really expensive store. Whatever, I wouldn't care if I wasn't here pinching pennies to buy medicine.

My only explanation is that his love for us is different than how I love people.

We had mold in our house and it was remediated, but it recently came back. It is making my kids worse, maybe me too. Our diseases are both affected by mold. I want to move to be safe. To heal. Remediate then move just in case. He drags his heels on that too. My kids were doing sooo much better but the last few weeks since the mold came back they are having seizures again. Last night my youngest had a really bad seizure. She had stopped having big seizures, but since the mold came back she is getting worse again.

I feel so trapped. I feel so dependent and like a burden. Like he wants me to just pretend we are all fine. His default setting is: do nothing, ignore.

I hate to be dramatic, but isn't my health worth anything? Can't I have a say in our finances and investments? Is it wrong to undercharge your friends by over a thousand dollars a month to live in your rental when a seventy year old woman is paying for your kids to heal from their serious and painful disease. Is it ok for him to just refuse to pay for my medical care and leave me to either to get worse or ask my parents to ruin their credit? My parents are not wealthy.

I am not wanting his money to spend it on luxuries. And if we didn't have that property, it might be different. I may have to go without treatment, but we DO have a rental property that we could get a fair rent from, or we can sell, but he doesn't do it.

Is that neglect? I feel neglected.

I also get sad and think I am a burden and my thoughts get dark about wanting to give up in every way. I feel like I am fighting for my life literally.

Some of you here know about my history with BPDm mom, but even with all her antics, she would give anything to help us get well. She is doing it. Because she loves us.

But why doesn't a dad care that the kids are seizing a lot again because of mold? Why does he care about his friends renting our house more than us? I don't want to overcharge them, but we are losing over 12,000 a year, and we are so sick. They are traveling, vacationing, and spending money and living more than comfortably. Which is great for them. But I can't even buy a dishwasher. And even one month of they paying a fair rental price would easily buy that and have leftover. Idc about the dishwasher as much as medical stuff though. I can go without, but I resent the fact that I am because he is being irresponsible financially.

I feel so unimportant and worthless.

And on top of that he is still explosive at time and I am constantly afraid to talk. Because I don't know what will piss him off. He wants to be closer to me, but only on a surfacy way. Not with emotional intimacy or support. So we really aren't friends even. I feel like he wants a mannequin wife.

Please help me see what I am doing wrong?

[Dinah-sore]

BTW I know I sound like a Debbie downer, and I am not one. I can see the silver lining. I see that things can get better, it just feels like he is in the way of getting us there, instead of teaming up with me to figure out ways to work this out.

He won't even discuss it with me. He just was like, "sorry, I can't pay for your medical stuff." And then he added, "but I want you to get better." And that was it.

[Dinah-sore]

Sorry to keep replying but also, can you please be honest and tell me if I am expecting too much or being entitled. I know
There are many people who don't have the luxury of getting medical care at all.

I guess I just thought that because he has it, we could use it.

[daughter]

Not knowing full circumstances, but his reaction here seems quite odd: these are his children, you are his spouse, would seem procuring your appropriate medical care would be of highest priority to him.

I think he's inappropriately relying on your mother to subsidize his obligations, whether intentionally or not.  What do you think is causing this skewed thinking?

[SonofThunder]

Hello Dinah,

I am so sorry that you and your kids are experiencing this very difficult situation.  I have fully read your posts on this thread, but before i provide any reply-opinion, i want to understand your relationship to your husband and any personality disorders present in your family circles. 

You refer to your husband as your DH, but you describe attitudes and behaviors from your husband, in this situation, that I could actually attribute to PD type mindsets and behaviors (from my own experiences).  I have read your very first post on the Out of the FOG site to try and gain some understanding but would prefer s brief clarification.  Since we are on Out of the FOG, will you please provide the acronym(s) of who is/are the PD's in your life?  'DH' is not a PD type title.  Thank you.

SoT

[square]

Hi hon,

I can feel the agony of cognitive dissonance you are suffering.

Let me reassure you that all the confused and panicky feelings you are having are caused by the vast chasm between what is and what should be.

Your husband should be prioritizing the health and well being of his wife and children over being seen as a "great guy" by his mooching "buddies."

I feel afraid for you when I read your posts because I see how stuck you are. I see how you COULD work on your health and get it under some degree of control, and how things COULD be better for your children. But your husband is dragging you all down.

Hon, I want to say to you right now that you ARE worth fighting for your health, both for your own sake and your life as a valud and lovely woman, and also for the sake of your two beautiful children who need you.

It's hard to fight for our health as it is and having people putting their whole weight on dragging us down - your husband holding one ankle and your mother holding the other - just makes it that much harder.

I know you have nowhere to turn but have you considered that a divorce split might actually make you better off? I know there's not a lot of money to split but you will have TOTAL CONTROL over your portion. Your sacrifices would actually count then, rather than going into the pockets of mooching "friends" or whatever your husband spends on.

And maybe you could work part time if you were free enough to start healing.

YOU ARE WORTH FIGHTING FOR THIS AND YOUR CHILDREN ARE TOO.

[Poison Ivy]

I do not think you are expecting too much, Dinah-sore. Your husband's primary obligation should be to help take care of family of choice (you and the children).

[xredshoesx]

dinah your health and the health of your children is worth fighting for.  i'm sorry you're going through this with your husband.  does he not understand the severity of these medical conditions????

[Dinah-sore]

Not knowing full circumstances, but his reaction here seems quite odd: these are his children, you are his spouse, would seem procuring your appropriate medical care would be of highest priority to him.

I think he's inappropriately relying on your mother to subsidize his obligations, whether intentionally or not.  What do you think is causing this skewed thinking?

Yeah, I agree that he is enjoying my parents paying for everything.

I don't understand why he doesn't seem to care, and I also don't understand why whenever I try to talk to him about it he flips out and then starts a fight. I honestly feel he does that to train me to not bring it up again. In fact I tried to talk to him this evening about it, and he snapped at me and stormed off. I wasn't nagging, but I was crying about my fear that the mold will make the kids even sicker. I wish just one time he would act like a partner in life or even a regular friend.

Hello Dinah,

I am so sorry that you and your kids are experiencing this very difficult situation.  I have fully read your posts on this thread, but before i provide any reply-opinion, i want to understand your relationship to your husband and any personality disorders present in your family circles. 

You refer to your husband as your DH, but you describe attitudes and behaviors from your husband, in this situation, that I could actually attribute to PD type mindsets and behaviors (from my own experiences).  I have read your very first post on the Out of the FOG site to try and gain some understanding but would prefer s brief clarification.  Since we are on Out of the FOG, will you please provide the acronym(s) of who is/are the PD's in your life?  'DH' is not a PD type title.  Thank you.

SoT

Thank you. My mom has BPD, and I believe my husband has NPD, like his mom and dad. I am NC with NPDmil and NPDfil. Because they covered for a pedophile who wanted to harm my kids, and had already assaulted me (groping). That was another time my husband did nothing to protect me, tried to force me to keep seeing the pedophile and was angry with me when I said me and the kids would be NC with him. When his parents screamed at me in rage I went NC. He acts so much like them. But he ignores me all the time.

He seems to lack all empathy. I have never been able to bond with him emotionally, but i didnt realize it. He can be charming. He will act helpful when it comes to small things. Like he will ask me if I need anything to drink, and that is nice. But big things. When life gets unbearable or an emergency happens he gets mad at me instead of being upset with me. For instance, when my oldest dd was 12 she was sexually assaulted by an older high school boy at church, my dh refused to confront him or tell the parents for two years. He even put the boy on the church worship team. Knowing this kid groped his dd. And when my dd was mad at him and did t understand why he didn't care what happened to her, he yelled at her for nagging him about it. He was so angry at us for being upset about the crime, I never once saw him angry, sad, or empathetic that someone groped his dd. Or when it happened to me either. He only gets mad at us for annoying him with our feelings of pain. I think he acts like we are sinning by being angry, and he is angry at things, but stupid things, like if someone at work is annoying him, he will talk about that for hours. He doesn't care about big things, or our things. He said if she just trusted God more she would be ok. And that she WANTS to have trauma and anxiety, and she just needs to pray more and relax. If I brought it up to him, like talking about if we should tell the teens parents (which I wanted to do, because that is right), he would yell at me aggressively.

If I have any opinion he doesn't like he will snap at me, or tell me I am a negative person. His favorite word is "relax" in annoyed dismissal. He doesn't want me to have my own personality or be my own person.

He requires excessive admiration. He takes advantage of me, and takes me for granted. He expects me to revolve my life around him, and acts forsaken that I have had to revolve my life around the kids' healing. 

He is extremely passive aggressive. His humor is so mean, like I am the butt of his jokes but they hurt. He says "I am too sensitive." For a while I would say "that is mean" every time he would be mean, and he got so mad and told me I was mean to be say he is being mean because it is just a joke. But they cross a line into embarrassing and shaming.

He also flirts with other people, in obvious ways. He says he is just teasing them, but i actually couldn't care less at this point. But he enjoys the attention and laughter of other women.

He explodes and rages. In a scary way. And after he will refuse to apologize or take responsibility. If I try to talk about that he will start blaming me for things I don't do right, which is basically not admiring him enough and doing all that he wants me to do for him.

He lies and gaslights, he plays the victim, he has pushed my daughter to the ground. And then told me it never happened.

He is in ministry at a christian school/church. So it is so complicated because he seems like such a good person, he is so friendly, but I notice that he monopolizes every conversation he has with anyone, bragging, boasting, talking about other people being stupid, etc. I live in constant low self esteem and fear of bringing up issues that are important because he wants to just ignore big things. I used to be a huge codependent people pleaser, he liked me better then. But he still used the same tactics to keep me in check.

One time his oldest fell down and had a seizure, and he stepped across her to get his keys and then leave without helping her. I watched this. No care for her. But when I asked him about this he said it didn't happen.

So I believe he has npd but it wasn't diagnosed. I just don't understand how someone could say they love you, especially to other people,  but then act like they don't love you when it really counts.

Hi hon,

I can feel the agony of cognitive dissonance you are suffering.

Let me reassure you that all the confused and panicky feelings you are having are caused by the vast chasm between what is and what should be.

Your husband should be prioritizing the health and well being of his wife and children over being seen as a "great guy" by his mooching "buddies."

I feel afraid for you when I read your posts because I see how stuck you are. I see how you COULD work on your health and get it under some degree of control, and how things COULD be better for your children. But your husband is dragging you all down.

Hon, I want to say to you right now that you ARE worth fighting for your health, both for your own sake and your life as a valud and lovely woman, and also for the sake of your two beautiful children who need you.

It's hard to fight for our health as it is and having people putting their whole weight on dragging us down - your husband holding one ankle and your mother holding the other - just makes it that much harder.

I know you have nowhere to turn but have you considered that a divorce split might actually make you better off? I know there's not a lot of money to split but you will have TOTAL CONTROL over your portion. Your sacrifices would actually count then, rather than going into the pockets of mooching "friends" or whatever your husband spends on.

And maybe you could work part time if you were free enough to start healing.

YOU ARE WORTH FIGHTING FOR THIS AND YOUR CHILDREN ARE TOO.

Thank you so much for the empathy and support. Your comment was so kind. Thank you. I do think about separating sometimes because I can't see myself feeling "in love" after being treated so sadly. I have no idea what will happen.

Sometimes I feel scared that I might harm myself and I have called hotlines when I get to that point. But I think if it gets to the point where I don't want to live, because of all of this I have to get a divorce to save my life. But I am so scared right now. I can't even figure that out yet. But yeah, if he refuses to get the money to pay for that treatment I may have to divorce him to get the money from him and pay for it myself.

I do not think you are expecting too much, Dinah-sore. Your husband's primary obligation should be to help take care of family of choice (you and the children).

Thank you so much. I thought so, but then I am so used to him letting me down that I wonder if I am asking too much. Normal dads want to take care of and help their families right? And will team up and work together during hard times to figure out what to do right? Like on TV?

dinah your health and the health of your children is worth fighting for.  i'm sorry you're going through this with your husband.  does he not understand the severity of these medical conditions????

No unfortunately he does know how serious these diseases/illnesses are. He has been in the appointments with the specialist and he has watched the documentaries when I ask him to (I guess that is a good thing). But he won't talk about it with me in any supportive way. He actually gets angry with the kids for their symptoms (seizures can cause them to be angry, and he can't handle it even though he knows it is the seizures and not them). So he will get scary sometimes. And then I step in and it is not fun.


****trigger warning for the rest of this comment*****







Especially since there was an incident in May where I felt like his anger would lead me to a serious injury or worse, he was raging on me when I was holding a butcher knife and trying to get me to stab him, even grabbing my wrist and trying to get me to stab him, he had me pushed up against the fridge and I couldn't get away, and he was screaming at me to stab him. I was so scared. I was trying to keep the knife away from him, but was afraid I would get cut in the process. Or that he would grab my hand and do it. And then what would happen? Would the cops believe I didn't want to do that?!! When I could I got away, but I was running with a butcher knife and afraid I would trip and fall on it. I hid it and hid in a neighbors side yard, totally dissociative and zoned out, but I could hear some things. I heard him fighting with the kids about it in the front yard. They didn't see the incident, but they heard it from
Down the hall and my oldest thought he was trying to kill me and she called him abusive, and he said she was the abusive one. And then he pushed my youngest and she fell on the ground in the front yard. My dad had to come and it was a nightmare. But it is so hard because he didn't hit me, so he can still say things like "I would never hurt you or the kids."

That was in may. I have never been the same. I am easily triggered. He was angry at me yesterday and slammed the door so hard I thought the window would break. Because he misunderstood something I said to my youngest. But sorry if I shared too much.

But honestly if you met him you would most likely think he is charming, charismatic, funny, and he will talk about the nice things he does for people. And people love him. He is so loved. People think he cares about us so much. When he is around other people he will act like he is devastated by our suffering.

Or maybe you would be able to tell? Some people can see through BS. He is one of those guys that when he speeds, and gets pulled over, he does the big TBN grin with his mouth (but not smiling with his eyes) and say,"hi officer, I am actually a minister." Thinking because of his job he deserves to get out of a ticket for breaking the law because he is better than everyone else, he is a minister. I have seen it. It feels so weird and gross.

I am so afraid I posted too much. If you need to remove the trigger warning part, please do so. I am sorry.

[SonofThunder]

Hello again Dinah,

Thank you for taking the time to clarify my question about your husband.

I was raised, like your children, with an abusive NPD father who displayed many of the same traits as your husband.  Therefore, my opinions on your original post and questions: 

You are not a burden.  You are gaslighted to believe you are a burden. 

You are not being selfish.  You are gaslighted to believe you are selfish. 

What he is doing is not normal.  It is emotionally, financially and situationally abusive and manipulative. Your h is also physically abusive and that alone, crosses all thresholds for me.  I personally will not accept physical abuse of myself, my children, my mother, animals or other humans who do not have the ability or rights to protect themselves.  I recommend you do not accept it either.  What that would mean for you to 'not accept' may be different than me.  If I was in your situation, i would use all available legal capability and also protective services of the available governmental authorities to protect myself, my non-adult children and my animals from physical and emotional abuse. 

You are not ruining his 'dream'.  He is using his projects manipulatively in classic NPD fashion to control you and keep you in your unhealthy, emotionally and physically abused and 'poor' living condition, because he feeds on the power.

His behaviors are not normal.  They are abusive in many ways. 

You wrote: "I feel so trapped. I feel so dependent and like a burden. Like he wants me to just pretend we are all fine. His default setting is: do nothing, ignore."   This describes the cult-like condition that my mother has lived in for 60 years with my uNPDf.  She is not physically abused like you describe (your arm/knife grabbing and pushing incidents), but she is kept in living conditions that are poor in their nature, while my uNPDf goes about all his trophy-projects.  Your being kept in a mold living condition, is also a physical abuse. 

You are neglected and abused by your h. 

Your h is manipulating you, so that you "feel so unimportant and worthless".  In that condition, he keeps you in an emotional state to control you and your situation. Understand you cannot control him, but only yourself.  You have full legal rights to protect yourself and by controlling and protecting yourself with legal-rights boundaries (using available authorities and lawyers), you can begin the reversal process for yourself and your non-adult children, if you desire. 

Again, all of these comments are my opinions, based on my experiences now over 5 decades with my uNPDf. I didn't realize the abuses existed until I left home at 18 and had the opportunity to look back. About three decades after leaving  I discovered personality disorders and everything aligned for me regarding my uNPDf and my decades marriage to a uBPD/NPDw.  I am still in communication (purposefully) with my uNPDf and mother and he continues his emotional and situational abuse of my mother in the similar brainwashing, gaslighting, cult-like atmosphere and condition, all to please his own twisted desires in self-service. 

SoT

[SonofThunder]

Dinah, I write these opinions to you, to stand alongside you in recognition of the abuses you are enduring, and encourage you to possibly change your living conditions. 

I understand from your writing that you are physically ill and it makes changing all the more difficult. There is a chance that changing your situation may also enable you to physically heal and so a double encouragement and source of power and determination for you!   Again, you are not alone and we are here to give you encouragement and support.  It sounds like its time for Dinah-sore, to change her name to Dinah-Sure! 

*(no pun intended to the singer, but to potential new confidence toward understanding your current situation and your determination, even in a state of physical illness to possibly change it for the better) 

In encouragement,

SoT

[bloomie]

Dinah - As others have said... your health and the well being of your children are worth fighting for. It is incredibly heartbreaking to hear of what you and your kiddos are enduring. One of the founding heroes here at Out of the FOG says it something like this: When someone treats you abusively 10% of the time and great 90% of the time you feel bad 100% of the time.

Your body knows what is going on is nothing remotely like what love of a committed and devoted father and husband looks like. My heart breaks for you all. I am just so sorry for the atmosphere you are living in every day. It is kind of pervasive... like the mold.. you never know when it is going to show up - the breach of trust, the sudden violent raging and mistreatment of you and the kids, the underlying sense that your gut is telling you that nothing is as it seems despite the good guy act.

So much of what you are facing is beyond what we can handle here on an online support forum, but we can, will, and do support you as you find a firm and reliable path forward to health and a place of peace.

I have included some resources you can access today. Speaking with a domestic violence (DV) expert may be the most important step you take to begin to unravel the chaos and confusion of all you are experiencing. http://www.thehotline.org
You will also find a good number of insightful articles and safety checklist type of resources at the above linked site.

Doing a risk assessment is another important step in figuring out what you are potentially dealing with as part of equipping yourself and empowering yourself as you are describing a level of disregard for you and your children that is of serious concern: https://www.mosaicmethod.com

Emergency links: https://outofthefog.website/emergency/

A really helpful book that explores the exploitation of trust and power within an intimate relationship that could be of good validation for you is The Betrayal Bond by Dr. Patrick Carnes.

Please do not hesitate to call emergency services should you ever find yourself or your children in a threatening situation again. Consider making a safety plan - this interactive resource will walk you through doing that: https://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/

I also wanted to add... it is okay to simply describe behaviors. None of us are equipped to diagnose another. We can understand and shift through things along with you without any specific nomenclature, unless you choose to use that and find it helpful.  I wanted to reassure you of that. Just share what you are experiencing as you are comfortable and able and let us know you and the kids are safe.

[Andeza]

Dinah, I am intensely concerned for your safety and the safety of your children. Please, please consider the resources Bloomie has provided.

Trigger Warning-

He says he'd never hurt you or the kids? That means it's crossed his mind.

My mom once said to me "Don't worry, I won't hurt myself or anything." This was said approximately six hours before she attempted suicide.

[Boat Babe]

Dear Dinah. This is just terrible. Your husband is treating you appallingly, at all the levels. I am worried about your physical, mental and emotional safety. I am worried about your health and that of your children. The fact that your husband is a Minister and is a completely different person outside of the home concerns me deeply.

The advice above is rock solid. Please get advice and support. You cannot continue like this. All of us here will support you with practical advice and moral support, but you must get real life support. Stay in touch and especially stay safe.

[JustKeepTrying]

Dinah-sore,

Please read and re-read the above posts.  There is valuable advice there and those resources are tremendous.  I used them and found them helpful when I was planning my exit. 

My specific advice for you - when you can either in the dark of night or even in the bathroom - take a few moments to center yourself; close your eyes and take several deep breaths - find 30 secs of peace and it will help keep you in the now.  I used to steal those moments through the day and it kept me sane.

On a personal note, I want to add that I can relate to your situation.  I have stage IV cancer in remission with a DS on the spectrum.  He also has severe asthma and my older DDs had health issues as well.  I stayed with my xOCPDh for 32 years feeling worthless, frustrated, scared, and alone.  He used the cost of my medical treatment as a reason for any no he gave when I asked about money.  He would spiral out about money every other day.  From where was my receipt for a cash purchase of a banana to balancing the checkbook obsessively every M,W,F.   There were moments of physical intimidation with punching walls and once he threw a wrench at my head.  All gaslit even though there were holes in the wall.  I left in the end when physical intimidation hit my nose. 

That being said it has been two years since I've been gone.  I still struggle physically but I am so much better!  So much!  My son has blossomed without his dad around.  He has become an independent student in college and I couldn't be more proud.  I left thinking I would have to live in supported housing or something but I discovered two things.  One, In my state, all finances are split 50/50.  No questions asked just done.  If I found and reported all the money. Two, I discovered a great deal of money he hid - a great deal - and now I will be ok.  I need to be careful but OK. 

In the end, I want you to know that you and your children are worthy.  You all should be at the center of his universe.  He should be doing everything he can to support and provide for you during this time of stress.  That is the essence of for better or worse.

Here is my final bit of advice, in the states, if you are disabled and poor, you qualify for state health insurance.  That may be the best thing for you.  If you aren't in the states, there are ways around everything.  Don't assume that because you don't work, you have to stay.  Every government has programs just for people like you.  People need a little extra help at those most difficult of times.  So if you decide to leave, and I hope you really think about it, there will be help for you on the other side. 

You are not alone.

[1footouttadefog]

Would you and the kiddos D's be better off if you lived in publically assisted housing with no mold and if you and they were on Medicaid for insurance?

What good are two homes if your mother still has to pay the bills and your kids are sick because one is in I'll repair and your health issues are not taken care off.

Where will the kids be if he was the line parent.  If he won't provide with you there to advocate will he provide if you die.

Sorry to seem cold or extreme, just asking some rhetorical questions out loud, no need to answer.