It feels like i’m losing all my belongings to a house fire…

[kelleron]

@JustKathy

My aunts and uncles did that too. Sigh. I think if you are around people who do not have your best interests at heart, it is alright to distance yourself from them. They have no room in their hearts right now. There are better people for you out there (like this forum). You have overcome a lot and you don't have to justify anything to them, JustKathy!

[blues_cruise]

Should I really be hurting this much over things? Has anyone else gone through this? If so, how did you cope? Is it wrong of me to pretend that it is all still there and that I will get it all back someday even though that is clearly not the case?  How can I let this go? Caring so much about objects, is making me feel insane.... I wish I could just let this go.

I'm so sorry, I know how rough it feels. I cried tears of joy and relief when I got my childhood cuddly toys back recently. Many of my well-loved books with sentimental value were given away years ago though. They're not just objects, they're reminders of who we once were and a connection to our younger selves. It's such a sad thing because giving these items away is symbolic of our parents denying our right to a sense of self, plus it's rejection.

One thing I would really like to do is to gift books and toys to children who are in need and might not be able to afford them. I'm sure there must be charities out there that do things like this. My father chose to take away, but I choose to give back.

[JustKathy]

My aunts and uncles did that too. Sigh. I think if you are around people who do not have your best interests at heart, it is alright to distance yourself from them. They have no room in their hearts right now. There are better people for you out there (like this forum). You have overcome a lot and you don't have to justify anything to them, JustKathy!

Thank you so much, Kelleron. I really needed to read that today.


blues_cruise,
My local fire station collects toys and books every year for charity. I also make a point of leaving items in the "Toys for Tots" bins that pop up around town. If anything good came of being the scapegoat, it's that most of us seem to have a high level of empathy. Every child should have the chance to own and keep a beloved toy. You're a good person for wanting to help other children this way.

[Hilltop]

I'll start by saying I don't have attachment to things and when I was offered some stuff from childhood I didn't want them as I didn't want the memories but I didn't have any safe cuddly toys etc.  I remember my mother giving me my childhood photo album which I have and I can understand that losing this would be hurtful.  It would be like having that era erased in some ways.  Not being able to look back at your younger self would be tough. 

Her actions were designed to be painful.  Its like she has eroded every last trace of you in her life and again with no thought to your thoughts and feelings.  Again she only thought of her own feelings.  In her mind your stuff was cluttering up her space and she didn't want it there so she got rid of it, she would tell you that you left it behind and so tough luck, its gone.  Her, her and more her.  This is what is hurtful because there is no space in there for any of your feelings or wants to be taken into account.  Its hurtful because again she is doing something deliberate that she knows will hurt you and again she tells you that she doesn't care. 

I remember my mother telling me that my grandfather had offered her my grandmothers jewellery to give to me but she told him that I didn't want it.  She never asked me, she made up her mind for me and told him. She has done this with various other things as well where she does something and then asks me if its ok, I once asked her why she was asking when she had already done it and she had no reply.  They are selfish and lack the ability to think of others.  Sorry this happened to you.

I am hoping you will build new photo albums with new memories, I understand its not quite the same but by old age they will be nice memories to look back on.