Escalating before divorce

[Bunnyme1]

This is more of a vent than anything, but between the holidays and our divorce hearing next month, he is escalating big time.  I'm 99% sure he is using again.  He is still months behind on support.  He asked today to please stay on my insurance (that runs out this week) since he got fired...again.  I said no, and that I agreed to put off the finalization until Jan for the sole purpose of letting him stay on until then.  He said he'd pay his part of the premium...even though he is months behind on that, too. 
I'm sure you can guess what happened.  I'm now the bad guy who doesn't care and it is my fault now that he will be uninsured. 
That's just the nonsense from today.  I'm glad I've come a long way in my journey.  I don't wish harm to come to him, but I refuse to feel guilty about this.  He is a grown man who has known for the better part of a year when his insurance would end.  Lord knows what he will pull next.  He is getting desperate, and that is when he gets scary. 

[Stillirise]

Hang in there! You're getting so close! If it makes you feel better, my xh pulled something similar from the PD playbook.  He went on a rant about me not letting him stay on my health insurance, even though it was also offered to him through his work. It's all just smoke and mirrors, to try and detract from the real problems! His behaviors and choices — not you, Bunnyme — are what will lead him to be uninsured, along with all the other negative consequences coming his way.  You are right to stay vigilant about what's next. Some crazy stuff is likely to come your way, now that things are wrapping up. 

[JustKeepTrying]

That loss of control and narc feed is driver. My xOCPDh did the same with health insurance, house, and anything that he knew would throw me.  Manipulate me.  I had so many sad sad poor poor me moments.  It was so hard to keep that grey rock going when all I wanted to do was call him for it. 

I caved once recently just before the house closed and we were squabbling over closing expenses (I had to pay for roof repair and he refused to pay half even though the roof leaked the entire two years he lived there)  I literally verbally dumped on in a clinical and cold manner.  Then I hung up.  It shut him and we havn't spoken since.  Not that that is the right response - but sometimes I think you just need to call it out when you see it.  Safely and without emotion of course.

They can be real children sometimes.

[PlantFlowersNotWeeds]

I've experienced much of the same.  It's exhausting.  We are in the beginning stages but I think he's feeling it now, so he's down right vicious with his comments.  He's constantly the victim, he can even turn my son's stomach complaint into his own.  The health complaints are just ridiculous at this point - the attention seeking behavior is that of a 2 year old.  But...you can put them in time out.   

Last night, he accused me of flirting with our 17 year old son.  He was jealous because we were having fun playing Scrabble.  It made me sick - he now tells me that I am messing our son up.  I just ignore and GR. 

Recently, I've had to re-adjust my boundaries with him - (we live together while the divorce is in process).  I told him that when he wants to have dinner with our son, he needs to buy the food, cook, and clean up.  I won't be part of it any more.  The financial abuse is real and he is very very good at manipulating it.  He can no longer "borrow" my car - he has a van that barely drives.  Oh well.  He knew this for months, not my responsibility.  He calls me names, but now being Out of the FOG, he's wasting his time.  I had to explain to our son that I need to draw these hard lines, because in the end, when we are living separately, it will be more peaceful.  If I don't, then he'll drag out this divorce.   I'm using my tools but sprinkling in a few verbal reminders that the TV /cable was paid for my me so don't use it, don't use my food, oh...the coffee pods are mine...I'm trying to be brief and to the point so he doesn't enjoy any drama.

I'm doing okay most of the time, but this low level stress sometimes just gets to me.  I visualize my future place and then I feel better.  The more I can draw the line, the more he will want to sell the house and move on.  He needs the cash from the sale badly.... Therapy helps so that I have a place I can vent, I don't share a lot with the people in my life.