Connecting with people!

[GentleSoul]

Hello all

When late uPD h was here, I lived in Medium Chill and Grey Rock.  It was an enormous help.  An absolute life changer for me. 

I learnt I was not obliged to respond to invitations to fights, arguments that late H issued. I had no idea that I had the right to decline his baiting, provoking etc. 

That I had the right to not tell him things that he would then use against me.  To not reply to intrusive questions which again was pure info gathering from him to weaponise later.  To not respond to reactive abuse which would then give him the means to gleefully point his finger at me as me being the "crazy" one.

I found Medium Chill and Grey Rock fantastic tools and really recommend them with easing some of the pain of being around PD people.

I have now put these tools down. 

I am connecting with people.  Oh my goodness, I love it. I really do.  Obviously I am sensible and mindful of who I open up and connect with. Not everyone is safe. 

I am building up a real blessing of safe, mentally healthy people in  my life.  What a joy they are.  So effortless too.  No eggshells.  They don't explode into meltdowns.

As I heal and move forward I am constantly pleasantly surprised by "normal" people. 

As humans, I think we need connection, we really do.  I think this is why it so painful and difficult with PD people because it goes against our Nature.  I am a natural introvert and enjoy alone time  but I do need connection too.  I am really enjoying it now.

I was really nervous about letting people back into my life but it has been amazing. 

Also a big factor for me, is that now I no longer have a PD husband to kind of excuse when people ask me about him, it is so much easier.  I found I was kind of making excuses for him and his strange behaviours.   I hated doing that. 

Love to us all, xx

[bee well]

 Hi Lee,

Your story gives me hope!

Dealing with PD people is definitely not Natural, and certainly not good for our health, even when we find techniques that make life easier for us when we find ourselves in unfortunate situations.

It's great to hear about you connecting with safe, mentally healthy people. We need reminders to know that this is possible, and worth the risk.

You have found your freedom! What a wonderful thing to celebrate as another year begins!

Happy New Year to you and everyone here at Out of the FOG...

[notrightinthehead]

I experienced a similar surprised joy when I realized that people actually listened and took me seriously when I spoke!  Yes, we want to connect and it is such a pleasure when we do.  I am so happy for you.

[GentleSoul]

Hi Lee,

Your story gives me hope!

Dealing with PD people is definitely not Natural, and certainly not good for our health, even when we find techniques that make life easier for us when we find ourselves in unfortunate situations.

It's great to hear about you connecting with safe, mentally healthy people. We need reminders to know that this is possible, and worth the risk.

You have found your freedom! What a wonderful thing to celebrate as another year begins!

Happy New Year to you and everyone here at Out of the FOG...

Thank you for your reply, Bee Well.

I had forgotten but there are good and safe people out there.  I had taken me a full ten months for my nervous system to come out of survival mode and for the Trauma Bond with late H to end. 

I think when all of that still active, I couldn't move on.  People still appeared to me to be very dangerous and to be avoided.  Once the physical healing happened, it all started to look different.  Back in proper perspective.

Wishing you a very Happy New Year too.  All the best, Lee xx

[GentleSoul]

I experienced a similar surprised joy when I realized that people actually listened and took me seriously when I spoke!  Yes, we want to connect and it is such a pleasure when we do.  I am so happy for you.

Hey Not Right in the Head!

Thanks for your good wishes.

I am laughing as I write.  I was shocked when I realised that people listen to me now.   My head was spinning.

People listen!!  They take what I say at face value.  They don't question and demand proof!!  Try and undermine me.

 

Haha, is very strange indeed. 

I also find I need to say far less.     With late PD husband, I prepared almost like a speech beforehand for him.  A speech in which I covered all possible tangents he would go off on, also I considered the exact tone of voice I needed with him, the tone, the volume .......................  oh and goes on and on.

The thought behind speaking was utterly exhausting.  And the thing was, he would still be nasty!  Often he would deliberately misunderstand me.

So chatting to "normal" people was a surprise to me.  A very nice one!

Gosh, don't PD people make EVERYTHING difficult!   

[JustKeepTrying]

Goodness this is so true!

I am so glad to read that all of you are healing.  That makes me happy right down to my toes.

It is weird when you have a normal conversation with empathy, give and take, listening, opinions and honest inquiry.  Feels surreal doesn't it?  And so so good.

[GentleSoul]

Goodness this is so true!

I am so glad to read that all of you are healing.  That makes me happy right down to my toes.

It is weird when you have a normal conversation with empathy, give and take, listening, opinions and honest inquiry.  Feels surreal doesn't it?  And so so good.

Hey Just Keep Trying

I have certainly found it surreal.    I am loving it.  It fills my heart and soul.

Having proper two sided conversations.  What a joy.  Energising.   Also solution based conversations regarding a problem.  People actually working towards getting a solution.   Bouncing ideas around and coming up with a positive way of moving forward.

Another thing I notice is that part of me expects people to suddenly flip and meltdown.  As if maybe their normalness would suddenly end!!  It hasn't done yet.   People are stable in their moods, just small bumps up and down as part of a healthy, normal life.

People doing what they say they will do! 

People who don't manipulate, instead they communicate clearly.  People who express their boundaries and listen to and respect mine. 

People who ask me what I want, don't try and impose control over me.

Gosh, the list goes on and on.

So much to rediscover.  Lee xxx