2021 Best Bits

[Associate of Daniel]

I've found this year very wearying.   Just the weariness of the ongoing Covid situation, aside from the usual pd madness. And I'm sure I'm not the only one.

So let's think happy thoughts as we approach the new year.

What are some of the best bits of your 2021?

My top 2 are:

1 - during a couple of our lockdowns my ds15 chose to stay some extra days with me, doing his schooling online.

It was so wonderful having him with me.  Him in his room doing school and me in the front room teaching online.  I was able to arrange my timetable around his so we could eat lunch together and catch up at various points of the day.

It was so, so wonderful.

2 - watching my amazing niece on tv as she and her team won bronze at the Olympics.

It's been such a long journey for her, with very high highs and very low lows, on top of being chased around the country by an invisible enemy (Covid), racing against time a few times to get across state borders before they closed. Events being cancelled. Then 2 lots of fortnight hotal quatantines.

The team's resiliance and fortitude is so inspiring and that medal was such a surprising but well deserved reward.

(It's also extraordinarily huge and heavy! I got to hold it last week.)

So what are some of your best bits of 2021?  Let's start next year off on a positive note.

AOD

[hhaw]

I love your son choosing time with you, AOD.  You know he stood up to some blowback and held his own.

What a testament to the strength and calm patience you've modeled for him! 

[1footouttadefog]

So nice you got to spend time with your kid, AOD.  (Me giggling because I had to backspace a C  and replace it)

I hope with time and as he gets his own transportation you will see him more. 

I had some rough spots this past year.  It it was not for gaining weight I could pretend it did not happen.  We are so well trained to leave the past being as nons aren't we?  Any way we are on our feet here and making progress once more despite and due to changes we had to make.

I am getting better sleep and am feeling motivated to tackle the overwhelming backlog of projects I have. 

I will spend more time driving a kid to classes but will try to make use of the time I will be in town.  I have a small folding bike and plan to get some rides in on a rail trail and become more fit again. 

I am so proud to see both kids succeed in college so far.  One made a C in a major required course again and was upset and is worried she may have chosen the wrong major. 

I encouraged her that it's a difficult major and she is competing with others who have what it takes to even consider the challenge.  We decided she will continue with her next and last semester where she takes only two non major classes and has an internship that counts as two in major courses. 

If the internship raises her confidence she will continue to the master's program and licensing/exams if not she will work for a firm then decide if she will continue or change to a related area for her master's.  Or she can even work for a year and then decide. Poor kid will make 20.00 during internship so I feel she is almost there which everyway it turns out.  In the meantime we have experimented with both hello fresh and blue apron for a wlfew weeks each to inspire her to cook.  It worked and she has alot more confidence in the kitchen now and we found tylhe types of meals that interest and inspire her. She remakes some of the recipes we ordered from the kits now and adapts to what we have in hand.   

The other kid is going to Jr. College and so far so good.  She is interested in gourmet cooking and classic fashion, so it's nice that see her becoming her own person.  Her becoming such a skilled cook at such a young age likely factored into the oldest stepping back from cooking.

It's fun to hear them discussing politics and social issues.  They each lean a different side of center.  So far they are compassionate toward the other view point and respectful.

My spouse is currently pretty stable and we have a new normal that is working.  It does not allow for me to travel as I would like at this time but I am coming to terms with taking day trips and overnights.  I live in an area with an immense amount of interesting things within a couple or few hours drive and I will start taking a couple magazines that will inform me of exciting places to run away to for a few hours or more. 

I lost a couple of dear and important friends this past year.  One is still a fresh loss.  How nice that there is no pdness in the grief.  Just me feeling a loss, nothing messy, nothing angry or wishy washy, or to rehash and wonder about what went wrong etc.

I have lots to do, in a way some of it's for me, it's optional, it will be interesting If I can find enough internal motivation.  Being a caretaker types involves eternal movie action alot of the time.  There is also feeling guilty when pursuing a goal that is not joinlltly held. 

Self care of various sorts will be a priority this year, I cannot have another year like the past couple.   

[Andeza]

I've got a garden going, small so far, but I've had two little squads out of it already that I shared with DH and DS. The chicken coop is about half way done, so looking at chicks maybe late February or March. It'll be nice to start getting fresh eggs again, probably about September.

[Stillirise]

1. My divorce was final in early June!

There have been several other positives as well, mostly related in some way, back to #1.

I have primary physical custody, and the children and I have mostly found our groove at home.

I met a kind, seemingly non-PD man.  It's going well, but I think we both have some healing to do from previous relationships, so we are taking our time.

I have some new endeavors opening up professionally.  I'm self-employed, and was somewhat hamstrung, with COVID and the divorce process, on moving forward on some things.   I hope to have that in full swing early in the new year.

My circle got smaller.  This may not seem like a positive, but I sort of weeded out a few folks (besides updxh) that were creating chaos, or failing to contribute in a positive way to my quality of life.  My life may seem more boring on the outside, but it's been much more peaceful on the inside.

Thank you AOD, for helping me focus on the positives! It's so uplifting to read of you, and  others, finding the good in such a trying year!!

[JustKeepTrying]

Great thread AOD!  I needed it today!

2021 was a year of real highs and real lows.  I spent six weeks on a trial solo camping trip and loved it as well as severing the last legal link to my xOCPDh.  That last link was the sale of our family home for more than 25 years and that money is now quietly growing while I decide what to do next.

My health has been quietly deteriorating this year with side effects from the cancer treatment.  I think I found a doc who can help and I have an appt with him in early Jan.  If the MRI was read correctly, then another surgery and I can resume some normal life activities.  Right now, I am wheelchair-bound and staring at my campervan with great sadness.

Despite the health, I am moving ahead with my 2022 plans of going full-time in the campervan late spring-early summer.  My DS loves college and I foreseeho him coming home less and less.  I am building tentative links to my older DDs and this Christmas saw some post-divorce bonding.  I am learning to let them be and cut the ties while still being Mom so here is hoping for more bonding in 2022.  My middle DD earned a prestigious fellowship and will be doing research with her family in tow overseas starting mid-2022.  If she is OK with it, I hope to travel and be with them at some point during her post.  It would be my first time overseas and I am leaning toward using part of the house money to finance a low-budget series of bucket list trips. maybe?

2021 saw my first inkling that there is some romantic interest in this old girl.  At least, I learned I can look again and not feel nauseated.  So maybe, not looking, but open, to a partner.  Maybe?

Overall, 2022 feels like it's a beginning for me.  Two years since the divorce was final; the pandemic is moving on or moving in; xh ties severed and no real need for communication - at least far and between;  health is going to be coming under control as I refuse to live the rest of my life in a wheelchair, and finally feeling optimistic about life.

[JustKathy]

Thank you for starting this thread, AOD. This year was also a mixed bag for me. There highs and lows (pretty major lows). Sitting back and reflecting on the positive moments took my mind off of more stressful events.

I'm really just grateful for the little things. I've found a lot of joy in spending more time around my neighborhood, meeting new people and making new friends. I've gotten to know several neighbors who I had never met, and we're now spending time in our backyards having playdates with our dogs. Coming from a family that hates me, small acts of kindness and time spent with friends can be incredibly healing.

I had some new landscaping done in my yard that included two fountains. Now I have all kinds of birds out there and it's just lovely. A little sanctuary in the big city.

I raised and released almost 50 healthy monarch butterflies over the summer. That was fun!

And staying at home during COVID actually reduced my anxiety so I've been able to cut back on my meds. That's HUGE!

[Poison Ivy]

My job is going very well, and despite some health and financial bumps, my daughters are doing well. I'm grateful for these things.

[Hepatica]

This year has had some good bits and here are my best.

I applied to get into a creative writing program at college and was accepted. I have been working on a piece of writing, receiving one on one editing and mentoring since September, and I hope to query it when I'm finished the program. Wish me luck. 

Another good bit is that I got birth certificate paperwork in order, so that I can apply for my British citizenship.  I have meant to do it for years as one of my parents was born in Britain. I have no idea if I will ever move to a British Isle, but once I have this, I actually could, at least it will be easier. I am a big anglophile and watch BBC's Escape to the Country on my really bad days, so getting my British citizenship will be a happy day indeed.

Also, my Dh has applied for teacher certificates (he's a teacher) in two provinces outside of where we live now. If he is able to find a job in either one of them, we may make the move, not just beyond the city that I live in, that is close to my toxic family that can show up whenever they want currently, but move to a province thousands of kms away. I feel ready for the next adventure and fingers crossed all will work out and we'll get some healthy distance and a new, exciting experience.

[wisingup]

2021 was a mixed bag for me too, but I'll stick to the good here because there really was some. 

• I took a leap of faith, leaving my soul-sucking job for a new one & so far it appears that that was the right move.
• We spent a few days in NYC joyfully watching Broadway re-open in the fall.
• We saw my daughter who lives on the other side of the country FOUR times this year, compared to ZERO in 2020.  (I have to take a few points off for the fact that she currently has Covid & had to spend Christmas alone & sick instead of here with us, but very thankful that it is a mild case).
• My uBPDm is slowly but surely coming around to the idea of assisted living & I hope to see her safely moved there within the next year or so.
• My brother and a close friend were diagnosed with cancer, but outlook for both is positive right now.  Both of my daughters had Covid this year, and both are or soon will be just fine.
• I learned a lot about my friends and some family members, based on how they have reacted to the year's events

[Boat Babe]

Great thread.

My first is my new job with the domestic abuse charity.

My second is harder to pinpoint. I think it's that I kept going !

Happy New Year to you all.

[Associate of Daniel]

These are great, everyone.  Thanks for joining the thread.

I thought of another best bit of 2021.

I lost nearly 15kg.  (Put 1 1/2kg back on over Christmas but hey!

Hopefully I can lose a few more next year.

AOD