Constant badgering

[p123]

He's really wearing me down at the moment.....
If he wants something its got to be NOW!!!!!

He's got a problem with his pension. I said I'd look into it - he's concerned they may be giving him £100 a week less.
I told him OK I would look but these people are not the quickest so DO NOT hassle me every day.

"BUT BUT, I'm worried sick about it"

I lost my temper a bit and told him yes it was inconvenient, but if this £100 a week meant he couldn't afford heating or food then its something to worry about. People with £40k in the bank like him are OK in that respect. I also pointed out that YES they are not the quickest - they won't give me an answer straight away, besides which, I have other things and can't devote my life to this.

So what happens. 10am today (less than 16 hours since we discussed this) hes phoning me - is it sorted?

I was so mad I couldn't even speak....... Jeez he sucks the life out of me.

[Boat Babe]

Then don't let him P123.

He enjoys driving you potty. He enjoys having you run around after him. He gets malicious pleasure out of doing this. If he wasn't your father, you wouldn't give him the time of day.

So, choose how much contact you can put up with. Tell him. And stick to it. He will throw his toys out of the pram. Let him. Otherwise you'll be tearing your hair out for years to come.

I do get it 😊

[Sneezy]

If he wants something its got to be NOW!!!!!

His sense of urgency rubs off on you.  I think that's normal.  When you are talking to someone who is distraught and wants immediate action, some of that has to impact you.  Also, he raised you to think that his problems are your problems and, not only that, his problems are your most urgent problems.

It's so difficult to step back.  We want to solve problems.  That's what we do.  But I think sometimes it's healthy to ignore problems for a bit.  Don't answer the phone.  Don't call back right away.  Wait and call him the next day and stay as calm as you can and say "I'm working on it."  "Yes, I'd be upset, too, dad, but I'm working on it."  "Will keep you posted."  And then tell him you have to go. 

Can you limit your phone calls with your dad?  Drop off slowly if you have to.  If you currently talk every other day, go down to three times a week and then twice a week and so on.  Wait and return his calls when you are in a good head space and can stay calm.  I know, all this is easier said than done.  I'm still working on this with my mom.  It's a never-ending struggle 

[RainbowG]

 

Wise advice from Sneezy.

My parents are also expert naggers. It sounds like your father has anxiety issues. I know it's really difficult not to get caught up in his anxiety.

Both of my parents and sister are like this. Every time they nag about something, I tell myself, "You're knocking, but I ain't answering!" 

[1footouttadefog]

My PDH does this about money also.  Super annoying because we are well set and there is no urgency. 

It's like the money is a measure of self worth or something and it cannot change or be delayed else they will deflate and cease to exist.

I am guessing that my pds parents showed love by giving him a little money to spend on candy and hamburgers so he equates it emotionally with love the way he does getting a hamburger.

[lkdrymom]

My father was like this too.  Has to be dealt with NOW.  The crazy part was when I did fix whatever the problem was, he didn't want to believe it and would ask me to re-check to be sure.  Sometimes I think they just love to have some drama to think about.  And that is fine if it just involves them, but they always have to draw others in to actually do the leg work.  My father felt that I needed things to do. 

[p123]

Wow a lot of this rings true with Dad. I sort something and I get "can you ring them to make 100% sure?" NO!!!!!