A balanced use of Transitional Objects

[paperlace]

So, I've struggled a lot with my own relationship with Transitional Objects. Because my grandmother whom I relied on for years growing up, has borderline personality disorder, OCPD and is a hoarder of dolls and yarn. She also in a sense collected children for years because she worked as a foster parent of especially children with diabillities while trying to manage my mother who apart from borderline and binge eating also possibly has narcissistic and psycopathic traits. My grandmothers skills gave her a role in our family and in society as someone to be trusted and asked for advice on how to raise children and deal with all sorts of problems. But some of that advice was very bad and used to form plans for how to raise me among others. I still have flasbacks. Also I've spent years in therapy trying to deal with everything from back then. 

I like yarn too but differently than the way she does. But I still have days where I feel distressed and sad and scared if I touch yarn I like or buy what I like or makes something nice for myself or my family. Her opinions no matter how twisted or heavy still lies there in the back of my mind. But there's progress. Metacognitive therapy is helping a lot. Last week I made a handful of pin loom squares out of a lovely silk and wool blend she would judge be for even buying, because it's not all that practical and she thinks silk is a sign of excess spending and greed. She would make sarcastic remarks and talk about me behind my back if I said I liked soft things. And at the same time she would complaining and whine about how she wasn't accepted for her enormous doll addiction. I call it an addiction because she treats the dolls as babies, buys toys for them, talks with them like they are alive and her last house was completely filled with them.

She's in a nursing home now and possibly won't live much longer. She did a lot of good and also horrible things in her life and I won't miss her much. The last time I saw her the paranoia had gotten so bad she told everyone how I had looked ad her with my special ice cold stare that made her stop steamrolling me with sarcasm and humiliating comments. Something she feels entitled to because no one should hold her back. She's supposedly almost blind though  or she says she is. Don't know she could see any stare, cold or not.

Anyway. I know I don't collect dolls or teddybears but I felt like sharing all these thoughts because of the case in Australia with a man obviously obsessed with dolls, his transitional objects, to a degree that he kidnapped a 4-year-old. When I read about him he sounded so much like her. I have never let my kids be taken care of by my grandmother. So glad I haven't.

I guess transitional objects are normal to have. I like a soft blanket when it's cold and I prefer soft fabrics over coarse. But still I have to deal with this doubt that it's unhealthy or not okay that i prioritize a nice silk or lyocell yarn blend in stead of the much cheaper acryllics or itchy wool.

[feralcat]

I'll have to look this term up. It's new to me !
I wonder if this is why, as a newly retired ( as in getting a pension , even though I've been stuck in the house for a year or so without work due to Covid ) , that I haven't been able to get stuck into arts and crafts.
I always thought I would.
So hard to do anything not ' useful'. I've even started volunteering. Ie unpaid work.

Nb my F was forbidden to pursue his dream of going to Art school. His F told him he'd throw him out if he didn't get a paid job. He was gifted. Such a shame.

So , good for you ! I can feel those yarns through my fingers, just from your descriptions.

[D.]

I am reminded of research I've seen about the benefit of the arts, specifically activities with ones hands, that help people to feel joy and contentment.  Sounds like a very healthy activity you found for yourself.  I enjoy beads, yarn, fabric, puzzles.  Even washing dishes in warm, soapy water.  Hanging my clothes to dry.  And I too notice the quality of what I touch.  Nothing feels the same as silk, 100% cotton, linen.  There are so many options for people.  I had never thought about the transitional object perspective.

[feralcat]

Hi. I've looked up the term now. Describes e.g a ' comfort blanket' (UK ?)  That makes sense. Something comforting that assists a transition. So could be anything comforting as and when needed perhaps ? Unique to the individual ?
Textural ? I used to chew my hair. Or spiritual. Playing a musical instrument even ?

I still use books in this way.  My brother used to like to rub his face in our cats fur. Tbh some of my FOO are very pet focussed nowadays  - as 'fur babies'. Would this be the same ?

[1footouttadefog]

I think that it's perfectly normal to have a few things that are important to you.  To have your own unique set of affordable luxuries.

It's pre isely these preferences that make people interesting.  Who wants to be a clone.  I love to enter a home that has a collection or an arrangement or style of decor that is a labor of love for those who live there and created it.

I have one friend who has a collection of small.Colored glass objects. She had glass shelves in each window for them.

Another friend is all about monkeys.  Another collects chopsticks made of different woods and some have incredible varnishes or painting and such on them while others are inlayed with materials.

Just be you, and it really is okay to indulge using honestly earned money.

I am sorry your experience with pd family members and there abuse and controlling ways and them undermining you as a separate and unique person causes you discomfort when expressing your self or enjoying your chosen pleasures.

Stay Amazing, stay you and be strong.