Valentine’s Day, almost one year out

bohemian butterfly · February 14, 2022, 10:12:13 PM

I want to wish each and everyone of you a Happy Valentine's Day.

You are loved and you are worthy.

Today I spent Valentine's Day alone. This is the first Valentine's Day without my ex.

Not sure if anyone remembers my story, I posted a lot in 2019, (lived on a farm with boyfriend, felt like he wanted me to "be" him, workaholic) and this forum (and my therapist) completely changed my life. I had been in this relationship for 6 years but I was able to break free. I actually broke free twice. The first time was in June of 2019 when I moved out, and the second was March of 2021 (I had gotten back together with him after he love bombed). But last March, we separated (it was the last time I spoke to him) and officially broke up in August. Because we hadn't been speaking I sent him a letter (I got no reply)

I am writing today for anyone out there who might be at the beginning stages of this journey. When I first started this journey in 2019 I was extremely confused, I was in the fog, and I was floundering. I am writing today in hopes that you who are reading this will know that you are stronger than you think you are, and you are dearly loved. You might not feel loved by the person you are with, but you are loved by humanity and the universe. I love you, and I don't even know you. You are an important person and you do not deserve the pain that another person might be causing you. You might not be ready to leave today, you might not be ready to leave in a month, but please know, you will get there. All in divine time.

The past few days have been rough for me, and I was wondering why... And then I realized it was because of this day, Valentine's Day. So because I was ruminating in the "what if I was wrong? Did I cause this? Am I a ...." etc. etc. etc., I decided to read some of my old journals (ironically one of the the first entries was from Valentine's Day of last year - talk about a sign from God/the universe! ) And then I logged onto this site and reread all of my entries.

As I read them, I cried and cried and cried for that person. I cried reading about all that I went through, I had forgotten, I had forgotten that deep pain in my soul. So I shut my eyes and sobbed, a deep, deep sob and when I opened my eyes, all of my cats had come into my bedroom and were standing in front of me, just so concerned. Their eyes were filled with such love and concern that I stopped crying and smiled. I felt their love radiating from those little souls of theirs.

It was actually the best Valentine's Day I've ever had in my 45 years of life.

To anyone reading this tonight, and to anyone reading this in the future, remember, you have valued and you are loved beyond measure.

IsleOfSong · February 14, 2022, 11:25:41 PM

Wow. Thank you for this, and thank you for demonstrating that there is indeed a way out of these all-consuming relationships. For those of us who still struggle to find our own way out, this is inspiring.

Boat Babe · February 15, 2022, 03:04:09 AM

That's a lovely message BB, thank you. Sharing our stories here is so useful. I remember your journey Out of the FOG and was rooting for you. Now I am rejoicing for you!

I spent Valentine's alone and wasn't particularly worried although I had a little moment of missing my ex (non) bf but that's human and it's OK. I am learning to be single after a lifetime of serial monogamy and being a very codependent person. It's not always easy, but these things seldom are. What I am learning is to sit with old, old pain and finally process it. I'm learning that it's OK to feel a bit shitty at times and that running to a man's arms for comfort isn't the solution. It makes my recovery secure as it doesn't depend on another person.

Happy 15th February everyone!

feralcat · February 15, 2022, 07:18:05 AM

Hi Bohemian, I read that with tears in my eyes.
I remember your posts. You write really well.
I was worried when you said you'd gone back. So glad you're out.

Maybe we can reinvent Valentine's Day . Not as being the commercialised overhyped 'romance' event it's become, but as a day in which we send out love for each other. And ourselves.

I echo BB in saying that I've had more support (even from lurking /reading other people's posts. Six years before I registered cos not brave enough I guess ) ....via this site than from most people I know IRL. Thanks to everyone .....for their time, their input, and their compassion to others. X

notrightinthehead · February 15, 2022, 08:55:35 AM

Wow! What a lovely post. Thanks for that. I am so happy that you stayed away and that you have your furry friends to support you.

losingmyself · February 15, 2022, 11:35:27 AM

Thank you, BB. And happy valentine's day to you as well.
I do feel a great amount of affection for everyone here also, and when I saw your name pop up in a comment, it made my heart happy, and hopeful that you're doing well. It sounds like you are.
How wonderful!

Kat54 · February 15, 2022, 11:55:18 AM

BB very kind words and so glad to see you have been out of your relationship and moving forward with your life.

Valentines Day was not even on my radar so I didn't feel alone or badly that I was missing something. As long as I love myself and do good things for me it's just another day.
And also I think because of the trauma of my marriage with my ex, Not celebrating Valentines Day was like a vacation.

Stillirise · February 15, 2022, 01:22:47 PM

Thank you for your love-filled post, BB. I definitely remember your previous posts. Those threads were huge in helping me become brave enough to file for divorce from my now-XuPDh. I'm so glad to hear your update and where you are now!

I'm fortunate that I was able to make Valentine's Day for and about my children. I do my best to remain happy for those around me, who have found someone to share their lives with. I can celebrate vicariously through them, in a way, as well.

Sultana Bed Red · February 16, 2022, 09:14:17 PM

BB, you inspired me too!!

I remember you. I finally got divorced in December 2019. Reading about how you struggled for so long and finally got away (if I remember right, you secretly bought a house and then told him you were done helping him and moved). I kind of did stuff on the sly too, i.e., when my ex said I wouldn't have enough money for a deposit (or whatever obstacle he tried to put in the way to scare me into not going), I would just bluff and say my uncle will pay for it, help me move, etc. (even though my uncle had no idea I was even talking about him, lol). Thank you! I'm so glad your post caught my eye today.