I survived the birthday party

[Bunnyme1]

I survived our child's birthday party thrown at my ex sis in law's.  (She is too young for a friend party, and all of cousins are on his side.)  I white knuckled my way through with a smile on my face, but it was so hard. 
He was bragging to me about his new job (as a life coach no less).     I ordered the food, but his mother offered to pick it up.  I accepted because I didn't want to have to drag the kids on all of the errands.  I tried to pay her for it, but she wouldn't take my money.  End of the party comes, and takes ALL of the leftover food for himself (to take back to the guys he lives with in a halfway house).  I said that I was hoping to take some home for the kids.  He gets out a serving for each of them, and then takes the rest.  Left nothing for his sister who hosted.  Whatever.  Sadly, not the first time he has done something like this. 
The worst part is that he has a right to see her on her actual birthday this week, too, per our agreement.  Before the party, I had messaged him and said that he hadn't mentioned what his plan was yet, but I was planning something with my mother at a certain time, so I would like to have her for that.  He tells me to go ahead and just do whatever I want...as if he is going to not see her on her birthday for my benefit.  All the while posting on social media like he is father of the year and telling people I keep the kids from him.   
I am working on not being so triggered by him.  I'm trying to focus on just being grateful that now I get her to myself on her birthday.  I am thinking he can do a party with his family and I will do a separate one...but I'm trying to just deal with it for the sake of the kids.   

[hhaw]

That is some nerve your ex has, Bunny.

You ordered the food, his mother paid for it and his sister hosted......
so he grabs it and takes it for strangers.... taking food out of his children's mouths, literally.... and he'll never understand it's wrong. 

Let it go, if you can.   

The ex isn't worth the space he takes up in your head.

You're a good mama, but I agree.... separate everything is better for your mental health going forward.

[Associate of Daniel]

Well done!  But yes, seperate is the way to go.

AOD

[Bunnyme1]

That is some nerve your ex has, Bunny.

For our sons birthday a couple of years ago, it was just days after he got out of rehab and the first time our son had seen him in months.  I invited him and his parents for dinner on the actual birthday (this was when we were separated, and i was still in the fog).  Toward the end, my son asked him to please sit and eat a piece of cake with him.  My ex stood up, said he had to go, but would take some cake for later.  Then proceeded to cut off about a third of the cake, put it on a plate, and left. 

[hhaw]

Your last post gave me shivers, B.

A little boy asking is daddy to sit and eat cake with him. 

My ASPD was always so busy.... just taking time to watch a movie with the children was rare, bc ASPD had other places he'd rather be and people he'd rather be with.  Very sad for children who deserve better.

I imagine you've helped your son understand his father is sick and often makes very sad choices that have nothing to do with him or his sister.  Kids always thing everything's their fault.

[athene1399]

This sounds rough, Bunny. It can be difficult to watch the PD act so selfish IMO. And then put forth the image of being parent of the year. When that would upset me with BPD BM I would remind myself that many people knew the truth and knew it was just a mask that  BM wore. Like your ex's family know how you helped out with the party. And even though his mom didn't take your money, she know you were willing to pay. And I am sure they saw how he handled taking the food. And if his family is still in the fog, you know the truth.

What helped me eventually with BM was accepting that she won't change and accepting that she will probably always be selfish and attention seeking. Which is still sometimes difficult.