My PD mother made my father SICK

[mary_poppins]

I thought about this subject for a long time until I realized that it was my mother who, all these years that I've known her, pushed my father into having an unhealthy diet and lifestyle. My father is doing poorly health-wise (diabetes, hip pain and now has another serious issue) and my mother has NO opinion of this. I have noticed though that, ever since my father gets an official diagnosis, my mother does something to him to stall his recovery (eg she cooks cakes/sweets and gives to my father to raise his blood sugar or refuses to buy all the pills he needs)-I noticed this and get horrified each time. The way a narcissist thinks is like this: "if I sabotage my husband's recovery, it means he can be dependent on me for years to come and I can have all the narcissistic supply of power and control that I need. "

I believe my mother thinks like this. She also has sabotaged the relationship that my father had with his own doctor. I've heard she went mental in that dr's office and my father couldn't go back to the doctor afterwards. This is another sign that my deranged mother does not want him to get the care he needs. Unfortunately, my father is 100% dependent on her. He thinks like a child, does not know how to call a dr, to make an appointment, how and when to take pills.

It is horrible to witness what my mother has done to my father in the years I was gone and she is continuing to do so. The worst thing about this is that, NO ONE in the family has realized what she has done, no one knows her intentions apart from me. My brothers are in deep denial, they venerate my mother in spite of her treating them like shit. This is such a sad, sad family and I wish I'll never see them again.

To witness my mother's cruelty is very disturbing to me. I just wanted to open myself up and say this to you, guys. I know you understand me.

Oh, btw, my mother is healthy. How come she's in such great shape while my father is doing so poorly? I know I am not responsible for my father's life. It just seems very sad, that's all.

[Starboard Song]

It is very sad.

Thank you for sharing. Having to see that play out is wrong, and the hardship on your father is a shame.

[Sneezy]

I'm so sorry that your father is doing poorly.  What your mother is doing to him is so sad.  My mother (covert NPD) did not make her husband sick.  But she did prolong his suffering.  He was basically getting medical treatments to keep alive until his next medical treatment.  He wanted to stop all the heroic efforts and painful treatments and let go in peace.  Mom would have none of that.  She guilted him into continuing, long past the point where any reasonable person would have continued, partly because she got a lot of attention for being his caretaker and partly because without him she would have no one to blame her misery on.  It was cruel.