Article to sober up our trauma-bonded mind

[mary_poppins]

Just wanted to share this amazing article (infused with some Christian terms but it doesn't bother) on personality-disordered (narcissistic) parents and why we should never (ever) give them a second chance.
I think I'd need to read this daily (or weekly) to realise I am dealing with evil here and not ordinary people.
http://www.luke173ministries.org/templates/System/details.asp?id=39548&PID=466820

[bloomie]

Mary Poppins how did you know I needed to read this article today? 🤗 Thank you for this timely reminder.

[sunshine702]

That was awesome.  Yeah I have struggled with the whole "that's how she is"  vs but she kmows she is violatjng boundaries.  She has been told no and does if anyway. 

Is the relationship worth it TO ME?

From a Christian perspective we may put too much emphasis on Honor your Father and Mother.  I was discussing this in another place.  The difficult relatiinship with my family.  I tlak them I honor but keep a distance. 

Being abused is not honoring.

[JustKathy]

Thank you for sharing this, mary_poppins.

That's just how she is.
That might be the one we hear the most often. My enFather used that one all the time with a slight variation. "Oh well, you know how your mother is."

[lookingforpeace]

Thank you, thank you for this post- it is absolutely what I needed today!!!

[Lilyloo]

Amazing article!! It answers all that I've been questioning.  Thank you mary_poppins

All my life I've heard "she can't help it, or " did you expect anything to be different, or " that's just how she is" These things are said about my N mom and hubby's N sister. The "she cant help it is total" BS Its an excuse to not deal with it or see them for what they are.

The Biblical content is very helpful as I struggle with the honor thing. Truly a wonderful article 

[moglow]

Wow. Interesting that over and over, all our lives we're told those things but NOT the ending! It's very close to what a good friend told me not long ago, when honestly I expected to hear those platitudes and excuses again. Something truly shifted in me that day and is again now. Thanks for sharing this!

"The Lord does not burden us with having to psychoanalyze our abusers and we need to not take on this unnecessary burden.  God is the one who judges men's hearts, not us- and we are not to step into this function that belongs to the Lord.  Our Father in his infinite mercy also does not burden us with having to excuse and continue tolerating abuse forever with no hope of it ever ending.  He instructs us to confront and be ready to forgive if there is repentance (change), and he gives us an out if there is no change.  We need to obey what the Bible REALLY teaches, stop giving credence to the abuser's myriad of lame excuses, and take that out.  "Understanding" an abuser is not our burden and God never meant it to be."

[GentleSoul]

Great article.  Thank you so much for sharing.

Very empowering and strong. 

[Hilltop]

Yep I definitely needed to be reminded that I don't need to worry about analysing them so much.  It's funny I don't get those excuses from my mother.  She will give an insult and if I was to say anything then it's just 'you are so sensitive'.  There is literally no excuses given.  No one in my family actually acknowledges that any behaviour is hurtful.  They really do feel entitled to say anything but just nothing over the top so it's nothing to really get upset about just enough to be hurtful but easily dismissed.  I can see how this part is actually planned.

I really needed to be reminded that yes they can behave when they want to.  They would not insult everyone in this manner.  That this behaviour is thought out and planned.  The pattern as said is not random, it actually shows that they do what works for them and continue to do it which shows it's premeditated.

Thank you I really needed to be reminded of this.