Counseling

[Prototypian]

I have some depression issues and most come from the heightened state of fear and awareness I have around my spouse.   I'm treated for it and I have a normal counselor for it though my health care plan.  My counselor has assigned me different things to do:

Talk to my spouse about her noise and late night political calls, meetings and loud exclamations as they wake up many in the house and the kids and I get up very early.   I engaged in honest dialogue with my spouse and she shifted the narrative to "define too noisy" and "I can only work in that space" and "it's not that often" and "you can't really hear anything" and it was clear there would be no compromise.   

I tried to talk about how depressed and down I've been and how the constant mess and arguments over details is so exhausting.   Her method of handling that is always "thank you for telling me"

The counselor has asked thst I consider asking for couples counseling but that has been tried before with my spouse acting normal while the counseling is in and behaving different outside of that event.   

I'm considering telling my counselor that I appreciate the thought but it has not worked before.

[square]

I agree with your plan.

Also, consider earplugs at night. I hated them at first but got used to them soon enough. I'd be ready for the looney bin otherwise - my husband is up all night and has no self awareness whatsoever in terms of being quiet.

[notrightinthehead]

Seems like your counsellor is working under the assumption that you are married to a normal person,  not one suffering with a PD.  Have you described the extend of your situation - the hoarding, the rages, the obsessive need to control everything?  Counsellors are also just humans, and maybe your counsellor has not yet grasped the extend of the abuse you are experiencing or is not equipped to support you sufficiently.  Most counsellors who have experience with personality disordered people would not recommend marriage counselling.

[JustKeepTrying]

 


It is really hard to find a counselor that is even the slightest informed on personality disorders.  I have been through many and they just don't get it.  It was quite celebratory when my recent T scoffed at the idea of a PD changing.

[SonofThunder]

Seems like your counsellor is working under the assumption that you are married to a normal person,  not one suffering with a PD.  Have you described the extend of your situation - the hoarding, the rages, the obsessive need to control everything?  Counsellors are also just humans, and maybe your counsellor has not yet grasped the extend of the abuse you are experiencing or is not equipped to support you sufficiently.  Most counsellors who have experience with personality disordered people would not recommend marriage counselling.

+1 👆🏼

SoT