Venting here

[pianissimo]

So, I need to deal with some issues these days...related to, you guessed it, my car. There are two things going on. First is that, I am not in a state to tolerate people. I'm in "leave me alone" mood.  Second, I need to get in touch with people to sort some stuff. And, these two together make me feel suffocated. I need to be left alone but I have to talk to people. Even thinking of ways to sort things out make me feel suffocated.

1- So, I need to learn how to carry out basic chores related to maintaining the car. Here, my first problem is to find an instructor who is reliable. Through my experience, I found out this is very tricky. Whoever I find will have some quirk I will have to deal with. Here, I should define quirk. So, I don't live in the US. Well, I don't even feel like defining what I mean by quirk. Let's say, at the very least, I will feel oppressed in some way. This is something I was used to in everyday life, but, these days, I don't feel like I can put up with any kind of micro-aggression. Showing anger is not safe, so, I swing to depression.
2- I can ask for a colleague from work, whose husband is a car mechanic. But, I'm pretty sure, she will try to make more of the situation. Plus, micro-aggression will be waiting for me there too. Also, they are friends with this guy from work who harassed me back in the day. I actually brought this up with others from work, and it turned out he did that to two other women. But, it doesn't seem like this made a difference. I totally judge them all for being in touch with that guy. So, if I approach this colleague, who is friends with this guy, I'm afraid he will take it as an opportunity to speak with me again.
3- I can sell the car. 3.a. I can ask the person who sold me the car. Apparently, last summer, he thought of buying it back. Doing this would require making decisions. Would I get in touch with him directly, or should I get in touch with the friend who put me in touch with him when I bought the car. It could be weird if I bypassed the friend in between, because his wife shares an office with this guy. The guy could mention how I'm selling the car back. Also, there would be talk. I don't feel like I can be vulnerable with them. I was in the past, but it seemed like they didn't take it well.
3b. I can call my father for help. If I'm honest, this could sort everything beautifully. Like, perfectly. The whole thing might straighten itself out. He could show me to do some basic stuff, put me in touch with the right people to maintain the car or call for help when needed. But, which is a big but, my father would see this as an opportunity to control my life. He would take advantage of any weakness he senses and would try to convince me to do this or that.  I wouldn't have the energy to fend him off.
Other options:
1- I could ask  the driving instructor back in the city to recommend somebody here. The thing is, things got a little bit weird with that guy. So. No.
2-I  could ask another driving instructor back in the city to recommend somebody here. This might be an option actually.
3-I could ask a friend to give her driving instructor's number. But, I don't trust her contacts. So, no.

Well, eventually, this is what my life feels like these days. It's tooo much. I really don't want to deal with people, and I hate that I have to deal with them, and I don't want to deal with them, but I have to deal with them, and I don't want to deal with them, but I have to... And this the painful loop in my mind.

OK... Now, I will go and deal with it all...

[notrightinthehead]

Sounds like you might be taking the bus for a while. Just joking. I am curious how you solve this problem.

[pianissimo]

Fate has put me in touch with the guy from the second option: the colleague's husband. I will roll with it.