A Letter I Wrote and Read During Couples Therapy (TW: vulgar language)

[lostinitall]

[deleted]

[Starboard Song]

Hey there!

I see you deleted the content of your post.

Consider sharing a slimmed down, paraphrased version of your story. There are people here who get it, and a community that may provide you some support. As you share, please do refrain from quoting texts, emails, and conversations, as this is a searchable site and we don't want to subject your privacy to too much risk.

Good luck, and please know we are here!

[lostinitall]

Yeah after posting it, i got really worried she would somehow find it, and so i deleted it. I am just really at a loss and looking for some support. I have been called every name in the book. i am always the source of our problems. She can rant and rave for days on end, phone calls at all hours of the night. text messages all day long. I have moved out and am really concerned for my three month old son. I don't know if i'm doing the right thing. I have so much self doubt. Some days my resolve is strong and others its completely gone. I just cannot, for the life of me, figure out what it is i am doing wrong. I am in individual therapy. But its only once a week and i have so much i need to work through. I just need some support in that, i do not have to take the verbal abuse, the gaslighting, control and manipulation any longer. That its OK for me to make the right decision for myself, even if for now it means i see less of my son than i want. Becasue of course she is dictating when and how i see him.

[Starboard Song]

It IS ok.

You have to apply your own oxygen mask first.

Check out our Toolbox if you haven't done so. It has one great section about common traits of PD people, and another about tactics for dealing with difficult people of all sorts. These tactics can help build peace, cool conflict, and create a quiet space for yourself. Many people have a lot of success with them. When they do, it gives them room to heal a little. It is very much harder to practice these techniques with someone in your own home: there is no easy retreat. No safe space.

And yes, you do need more support than an hour a week. While you are here, I encourage you to check out the Chosen Relationships board, and Committed To Working On It. These are places where many people just like yourself can be found, working through it. Indeed, there are several members right this moment who have been managing their way through this discovery for a few months or a year or more.

As you read, please realize everyone has a different story. Some end in divorce, some in little change, but still others end in strong, loving relationships. You have to find a path that is your own on your own. We are very supportive and non-judgmental here, but I think it helps to know right away that there is no one right answer.

Be good. Be strong.

[1footouttadefog]

I agree totally with the toolbox and the traits list.  The list was a real eye opener for me.